So today, I being "thoughtful." No, I don't mean to be praising myself for being so nice to people around me, I'm probably being really bad at that today. But I mean I'm thinking about a lot of things. And when that happens, the smallest of those things can send me into a thought clear across the universe, with emotions that can feel out of this world. I was writing on Julie's wall today, and I saw on "wall-to-wall" that I had laughed about how we knew each other. I couldn't find where that information was, and so I thought....maybe if I search for her like a random friend search, it'll say that! Well, when I tried to do that, it said there was no Julie Steiskal. I tried again, spelled it different, it wouldn't let me find her. Even in MY friends, I couldn't pull up her name! I got a little panicked....and yes, i still can't find her that way, but I'm not panicked anymore.
So it got me thinking about searching for God. I really need Him now more than ever. Particularly today. Something is working in me, and I feel so close to the edge. You know when you're driving on a road where the tar is about 6" higher than the gravel curb, and when you get close to the edge you can feel your car being pulled over. You struggle to keep it on, and when you're right on the edge it's like "come on, come on...don't go over." Well, I feel like that. I feel like I'm right on the edge & I could go over, but I'm still holding on...by God's grace, I'm still holding on.
God says "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." (Jeremiah 29:13) I am trying to seek with my heart, but some days I don't know how. "In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express." (Romans 8:26) This is what I'm trusting in....that the Spirit will take my unconscious prayers to the throne of God. "You said, 'Woe to me! The LORD has added sorrow to my pain; I am worn out with groaning and find no rest.' " (Jeremiah 45:3) Sometimes this is how I think, and I don't want to think this way, so I pray "May your unfailing love rest upon us, O LORD, even as we put our hope in you." (Psalm 33:22)
Just a few things to search for...a renewed strength, a fresh mind, a conscious faith & passionate soul.