I’m tired. Seriously. Tired. Some days, no matter what the day is like, it’s like….I have unexplainable energy, pushing me onwards, into new undiscovered depths of the universe…(please read that in a sci-fi narrator voice)…and other days, though I feel the Lord in me & around me, I just am tired. That’s what I get so thankful in knowing that I don’t have to do this life alone. I don’t have to worry alone, or really at all. I can leave things in His hands & know that what will be will be. It’s draining to have so many things come at you….and to keep going. Not pretending your okay, but knowing deep down that you WILL be…it’s just a matter of choosing that, and trusting that God will work things out.
I’m a planner. If you know me well, or at all, you know this to be absolutely true. I like to know what is going to happen, how, why & when…I’m also quite spontaneous & like things that are, yet most of the time my default is: planner. When things surprise me,…my first reaction is always to…okay, well let’s keep going as is, and deal with the real problem later, when we know more definitives. It’s been my way of dealing since I was little. I quite specifically remember a time that my dad accidentally killed….squashed….my cat. I was 3. When he told me very quietly that Snickers was dead, I jumped up with a big smile on my face & said…”I have to tell my friends & show them!” I ran over to my neighbor’s house, pulled my friends away from whatever they were doing, brought them over to ground zero & pointed so proudly. I said “Look! My cat’s…..” and with a quivering lip I couldn’t finish the sentence. It hit me then that it was real, not just something that happened, but something final.
Looking over other events in my life where I’ve been hit with scary or tough news, I’ve done the same thing. I go about my business because I know, I KNOW that there’s nothing really in my power to do but to live, and keep on living. But it gets to be tiring…just going about life, not knowing, and trying not to worry. Keeping my face turning up towards God, with all my questions & requests, Trying my best not to fall into a gap of hopelessness, but keeping my faith & strength about me. When I am tired, He will sustain me. When I need rest, He will take over.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Driving into work this morning, I watched as the beaming red sun woke the world from behind the edge of the earth. It shone so bright and crisp. The way it hit all the trees, the homes & sparkled off the lake made everything look brand new. All being kissed for the first time, all over again. Each morning, this happens. It's a new day, a new beginning. If you watch, you can see the trees speak it, in the way they reflect the light, peeking through the leaves & down their branches. The grass stands in attention waiting to be brought into the warmth.
It occurred to me how every day, we see these things as new, fresh, with a brand new perspective from the day before. Each day, we learn, we live, we experience, we grow...and each day, we awake new, fresh, changed somehow yet still the same. We are the same people, just like the trees are the same trees day to day, yet each morning we see them in the sun & they look new.
It made me wonder how I can take the things I do day to day, and see the new perspective Christ can bring. He's like the sun in the mornings, creating such beautiful light that things look new & fresh....he can renew our mind like that and bring us to a peaceful start of the day, looking at things with his grand & divine perspective.
What will tomorrow bring? The night air sags, it hangs pensive...just waiting to be cleared, to be pushed away & the freedom of morning to bring redemption to the day. Will you be there? Will you wait for the morning? Will you live your life in the morning & not in the shadows? Pray that God will bring this new day, bursting forth with radiance.....not only in the sky, but in our hearts.
at 3:08 PM