Friday, March 27, 2009


Walking, stumbling, to a home I've never seen. This is the way I go, and the path that we are on together. The way of Christ is so unknown, unpredictable and yet unchanging. He IS. Only by looking toward Him are we able to see just who we truly are, who we are created to be. When we look at ourselves all we see is who the world has made us, or who it tells us we should be. It is only when we look to Christ, and God the Father that we can clearly see who we were made to be, who we aim to be and where that person should go. Maybe not where--God doesn't always tell us that but He sometimes says how--we know how all we have to do is look at Christ.

So while we walk with Christ in sight, we are moving forward, but if we get distracted or carried away we may stumble. We don't or won't know where we're going if we don't keep our eyes on Christ. And how will we know? We are heading to a homeland that we've never seen before--none of us. All the more reason to look and follow after Christ. He knows the way. He IS the way. Only He can lead us home and give us the peace that our souls burn for. Only then can our sails be loosed and our anchors et--we will be home.

Monday, March 23, 2009


A while ago, I wrote about expectations, the ones that people have for us, the ones we have for ourselves and ones we have about other people. But what about those expectations that you fight yourself not to have, the ones that you know better than to have, but yet somewhere inside you, when the expectation isn't filled, you realize that it was still there....though you tried to deny it.

It's like no matter what you do, there's always some expectation as to what will happen....either good or bad. Justified or not, your expectations are there, and get you excited or nervous or anxious or hesitant or whatever it is that you feel about an upcoming event or situation, and it just is what it is. So what do you try and do? Not get excited, or nervous, or anxious, or hesitant. You try really hard to tell yourself it's not a big deal, just calm down, take a's just whatever. But it seems to have an opposite effect. It's like if you tell yourself it's not a big deal, it really becomes one. You tell yourself not to get anxious, but then you do. If it's something not to worry about, somehow it worries you.

Then it happens. The day comes, the moment comes, and it's here. No more expectations, because what is IS, anticipation becomes anti-climactic. You find yourself rolling with the twists of the day, and pretty soon it's over. Done. All cleared up & you're through. And what of your expectations? Nothing. Except that somehow you feel like nothing really happened, and so then it comes to the surface that you really DID have expectations...yep, those you kept telling yourself you didn't have. Well, la-di-dah, they were there, and now you feel a little let down that you had those expectations and nothing really changed. Nothing for the worse, nothing for the better...just okay. And you're okay with that, honestly okay. But just okay. Not thrilled, not angry, just okay.

The next question is, how do you get past those feelings of expectation that you had, denied, felt, accepted & now are trying analyze? I guess that's where faith comes in...trying to see that the faith in Christ that you have, will come through again, taking those expectations & doing SOMETHING with them. Putting my expectations in my neat little packing boxes, under the shelf, and waiting to see what God has in store for the next day, or month, or year. Waiting to see what will develop, what wont, where he'll take you, where you'll stay, what you'll learn, what you'll wonder about, who you are and who you'll be. Expect something, expect nothing, but whatever you expect, expect that God will be there, when the expectations that you don't expect, leave you expecting something more....

Sunday, March 15, 2009

Wholly Yours

It's interesting how God divinely orchestrates pieces of the puzzle to fit together perfectly, and all in one weekend. It never ceases to amaze me how that happens. The sermon I heard last evening, was speaking about paying attention to the grapes & thorns in life...seeing the Spirit at work in people. Then I read in a book last night, all about how when we come into the faith, sometimes we can become lopsided Christians..."We will fight God's battles without learning to rest in him and thus exhaust ourselves and perhaps become cynical. We will discipline ourselves to maturity but never be enfolded by grace and so become rigid and self-righteous. We will be healed of our problems but rarely accept the cureless pain of helping others. Or we will climb the mountain of financial, spiritual and popular success but refuse to descend into the pit of defeat, where most people live."(The Adventure, Jerry Sittser)

It goes on to encourage us to discover the multi-faceted realm of Christ, the life he offers & what he truly intended us to learn & become. There's so much, so many things about life & faith that I have yet to learn. It's exciting to search for it, frustrating sometimes because my nature wants to know it all NOW, and yet that's just not the way it works. It's about a life of seeking, developing and learning new things about God's grace, love & forgiveness. About seeing ways to love people out of the love you have for God. ...many ways that I've never even thought of I'm sure. In Matthew 5, there's a guideline if you will, about Christian's the list:

3"Blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
4Blessed are those who mourn,
for they will be comforted.
5Blessed are the meek,
for they will inherit the earth.
6Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
for they will be filled.
7Blessed are the merciful,
for they will be shown mercy.
8Blessed are the pure in heart,
for they will see God.
9Blessed are the peacemakers,
for they will be called sons of God.
10Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
11"Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. 12Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

This goes into every aspect of life, making one's life fully sweet, not thorny....looking at this description, it doesn't seem like you can really (or should really) put Christianity in one compartment of your life without it affecting everything else around it. Let Christ transform your WHOLE life, let's do this together, dive in to see His truth and his variety of joys He is seeking out for us.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

When I can't feel You...

I haven't been writing recently, due to many things, but mainly it's because I really only write when I feel God trying to teach me something, or if there's a big revelation that has taken off some blinds.  There has been this wall that felt to me like it was growing wider & wider, keeping me from something, anything that had life in it.  I've been seeking this life, but it felt so distant, far away & unreachable.  Things kept coming at me that would make me to feel it, cut to my core & make me uncomfortable in where I was...unsatisfied.  Some of this unsatisfaction is a good thing, a good reminder that my life cannot be about me but about other people & helping others who can't help themselves.  Yet those twinges of sickness, about the depravity of abandoned children or sickened friends, came in highs & quickly would depart from my mind.  This is something that I noticed, and it seems that if loving is a lifestyle, there shouldn't be such drastic desires & then thoughts of nothing....right?  Anyway, I've been really loose in my quiet times with God, really not making it a priority, though in my mind it really is....yet actions say more than my thoughts ever will.  Once again, He has spoken to me through voices that surround me daily, friends who continually speak into my life....more than they may ever know.  Also, a song has given me the words I've forgotten to sing.

It says "There's a distance in the air and I cannot make it leave, I wave my arms' round about me and blow with all my might. I cannot sense you close, though I know you're always here, but the comfort of you near is what I long for. When I can't feel you, I have learned to reach out just the same, when I can't hear you, I know you still hear every word I pray. And I want you more than I want to live another day, and as I wait for you maybe I'm made more faithful."

You see, I haven't been this amazing Father that has given me everlasting life & abundant joy, I have been the one to leave the way, to stray & forget that these relationships take lots of work.  Even when I get busy, there's gotta be time that is set apart to dwell in the goodness of Christ, his grace & peace.  Without seeing Him all around, I lose vision, passion & direction.  It's like driving in the dark, without will you learn to drive, let alone get anywhere without looking for the light?  

God, I need you now more than ever....Thank you for being the faithful God that you are, ever present & willing to hold me when I come back crying out for your mercy.