The past few months, the thought of a deeper love equaling deeper hurt, has been on my mind. This is not to say that deeper love inevitably hurts, or that you shouldn't be willing to love deep, but that when you are vulnerable to deeply love, that same vulnerability opens yourself to be feel much more pain if & when you are hurt by something or someone.
This happens to us as people, but it also intrigues me in our love relationship with God. "For God loved the world so much that he gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life." (John 3:16) "My old self has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." (Galatians 2:20)"And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them."(1 John 4:16)
If God loved us THAT much, that He would give us His only son, that He would live in us, that God is synonymous with love in the way that if we love, we are in Him, that's powerful. That's a deep love, that's an amazing love. "This is real love—not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins." (1 John 4:10)
So can you imagine with me then, that through God's love for us, incomprehensibly deep & devoted, that when we hurt or when we turn from Him, either way....just think of how much He must hurt with us & for us. "In all their suffering he also suffered,..." (Isaiah 63:9) It says in the Bible how God suffers with us...and if the greater the love the greater the pain can be, I can only imagine that God suffers greatly over each & every one of us, longing for us to come near to Him, to dwell in Him, to be comforted by Him & to understand His love for us. He mourns with us, but doesn't stay inactive...He comes after us. Isaiah goes on to say "...and he personally rescued them. In his love and mercy he redeemed them. He lifted them up and carried them through all the years."
Through all the years....forever, ....loving us deeply, holding us in our pain, hurting for us when we walk away, His love never fades. "The faithful love of the Lord never ends! His mercies never cease." (Lamentations 3:22) This gives me hope, confidence & full assurance that when I hurt, I am not alone. It also reminds me that as much as I am able to love, He is able to love more fully, more completely, more intimately than I will ever understand, and that through our doubt, questioning, longing for answers, that He loves us still. Be confident in this: "Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God." (Ephesians 3:17-19)
Showing posts with label Trials. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Trials. Show all posts
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
A quiet Joy
In the past two years, there have been multiple things that have upset the flow of my life. Some would say this just IS life....the constant upsetting, twisting, lurching, occasional lull and then surprises once again. I agree with this, but I think you know what I mean when you feel like your "nice little life" is turned upside down! Even though crazy things are what make up our life, somewhere we feel like.....it's the "normal" days that should comprise the most of it? I don't know if this makes sense....but stick with me.
I've been challenged to look at joy in my life, and here is what I can say....for those of you reading who don't know me well, in 2008 my dear friend gave her life trying to save another camper, and both died tragically over a large waterfall...a few months later, my grandma passed away after a 5 year fight against cancer...a few months after that, my dad had triple by-pass surgery following a motorcycle accident...and a few months after that, my mom was diagnosed with Leukemia...leading to this March, when she met Jesus at home in heaven. That's part of my backstory...I'm not telling you this so that you pity me, or on the flip say...she has no idea what kind of pain I've been through, I just want you to know that I can to some extent say with assurance that I can empathize with pain...and we can be connected through that. These trials are not the things that make me unique, nor does it for anyone else....but it is the way we respond to these situations that really define who we are, and what we are made of. ....so back to Joy....
"Hear, O LORD, and be merciful to me; O LORD, be my help. You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing to you and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give you thanks forever." (Psalm 30:10-12)
"Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me." (Psalm 51:12)
Joy to me, is the confidence I have in knowing that God, the eternal and all knowing, all powerful God will sustain me throughout whatever trials must be faced on this earth. Having this trust in his unfailing mercy, brings me joy....understanding that though times can be tough, He is still faithful, He is still strong, He will sustain me and hold me up when I feel like falling. This joy is freedom in Christ, knowing that when I cannot make it, He will continue the work that he began in me. It is not something that I can do, or stir up, or make grow inside of me....it is something that God reminds me of at the right moment of need...He reminds me that I am not alone, and that there is hope for a future in Him and in that hope I can find joy because my present moment is not the end...it's not final and God will be with me in every situation, at every moment....forever.
This to me, is how joy is seen. It is in the reassurance of God's unfailing love that I am able to relax in His arms and revel in joy despite the raging seas pounding against my soul. His joy will give me strength.
"Praise be to the Lord, for He has heard my cry for mercy. The Lord is my strength and shield; my heart trusts in Him and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to Him in song. The Lord is the strength of his people, a fortress of his salvation for his Anointed one." (Psalm 28:6-8)
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Not what it seems....
"How am I going to be able to grow up without a mom to tell secrets to?" ....this is just one of many quotes that have made me tear up today.... I've been put in a lot of tough situations recently, that are forcing me to make decisions that right now I feel I cannot make. It's like life is asking me to become a new person, one that I don't know about, and one that I don't necessarily want to be. I guess it's all part of growing up, but wow...growing pains have never burned so much.
To a large degree, our family & friends that we have relationships with make up a large part of our identity. When we lose them, we lose a part of our identity too....I've recently heard this termed like an amputation of the familiar self. Who we were with them, is not going to be who we are without them. It's like....a normal life loss of something like...adolescence, or a job, or moving away...the loss is like a broken arm that takes a while to heal and the pain real but it will eventually heal. However, catastrophic loss....death of a parent, sibling, friend, child, whoever...is like an amputation...not just a broken arm. It will never come back or be completely healed, and you'll always have phantom feelings of the limb that once was there but no longer remains.
I guess this is all part of growing up and growing into who I will be...though it feels different than I thought it would. You never imagine these things to come, and you'd never imagine the consequences that would follow...everyone is different and we're all trying to become a new different together, yet still individually. Some people make choices for themselves that affect just them, and other make choices that lead to more and more choices for other people. It's all very difficult, and hard.....
Wishing that I had some verses right now to write about, but I'm too empty to seek them out today. If you're reading this...what are some verses that have helped you grow into who you are today? I'm curious.....because I just feel like I have no idea where my life is going, and it's hard to really go day to day when you don't have a direction. :)
To a large degree, our family & friends that we have relationships with make up a large part of our identity. When we lose them, we lose a part of our identity too....I've recently heard this termed like an amputation of the familiar self. Who we were with them, is not going to be who we are without them. It's like....a normal life loss of something like...adolescence, or a job, or moving away...the loss is like a broken arm that takes a while to heal and the pain real but it will eventually heal. However, catastrophic loss....death of a parent, sibling, friend, child, whoever...is like an amputation...not just a broken arm. It will never come back or be completely healed, and you'll always have phantom feelings of the limb that once was there but no longer remains.
I guess this is all part of growing up and growing into who I will be...though it feels different than I thought it would. You never imagine these things to come, and you'd never imagine the consequences that would follow...everyone is different and we're all trying to become a new different together, yet still individually. Some people make choices for themselves that affect just them, and other make choices that lead to more and more choices for other people. It's all very difficult, and hard.....
Wishing that I had some verses right now to write about, but I'm too empty to seek them out today. If you're reading this...what are some verses that have helped you grow into who you are today? I'm curious.....because I just feel like I have no idea where my life is going, and it's hard to really go day to day when you don't have a direction. :)
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Who can I trust?
"When I am afraid, I will trust in You, I will trust in You, I will trust in You. When I am afraid, I will trust in You in God whose word I praise." (Psalm 56:3-4) This song keeps playing over & over in my head....it's a child's memory song that I learned long ago, and thankfully it comes up on days like today, when I just question....who can I trust when I am down & unsure?
The verse goes on to say, "what can mortal man do to me" and....to that, I know there is nothing that they can really do.....but there is still pain from their choices & deeds against us.
"Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to Him, for God is our refuge." (Psalm 62:8)....but I ask that you "Answer me quickly, O Lord; my spirit fails. Do not hide your face from me or I will be like those who go down to the pit. Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul. Rescue me from my enemies, O Lord, for I hide myself in You." (Psalm 143:7-9)
...I guess I just don't know who to trust right now...things have been falling apart, people not living up to their word, so much junk around, that it's in times like these that I need to remember the one thing I know I can trust in is Christ. "It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man...." (Psalm 118:8) This verse is being proven more and more each day.....just trust in Him....and when I am afraid....of the future, of people, of consequences, of everything....I need to be reminded that God will not fail me. "Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord is the Rock eternal." (Isaiah 26:4)
The verse goes on to say, "what can mortal man do to me" and....to that, I know there is nothing that they can really do.....but there is still pain from their choices & deeds against us.
"Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to Him, for God is our refuge." (Psalm 62:8)....but I ask that you "Answer me quickly, O Lord; my spirit fails. Do not hide your face from me or I will be like those who go down to the pit. Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul. Rescue me from my enemies, O Lord, for I hide myself in You." (Psalm 143:7-9)
...I guess I just don't know who to trust right now...things have been falling apart, people not living up to their word, so much junk around, that it's in times like these that I need to remember the one thing I know I can trust in is Christ. "It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man...." (Psalm 118:8) This verse is being proven more and more each day.....just trust in Him....and when I am afraid....of the future, of people, of consequences, of everything....I need to be reminded that God will not fail me. "Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord, the Lord is the Rock eternal." (Isaiah 26:4)
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
No Parking or Stopping
This afternoon, I found myself hidden, in a small patch of grass, mesmerized by the trees, the breeze, the heat & the deep hurt of a friend....of their deep hurt, and how I hurt because I know they hurt. As I sat, I looked towards the road, and saw this common sign "No Parking or Stopping."
I see these signs all the time, we all do & are often frustrated with the thoughts of "why not," or "it'll just be a second," or "someone else is parked there....maybe I can get away with it too." But today, as I looked at the sign, and thought about this woman, friend, co-worker.....I thought of how God often tells us that earth itself is a "No Parking or Stopping" zone.
Stay with me....it says in Philippians 3:20 that "...our citizenship is in heaven." Does this mean we're not made for this earth? We're made for something else, right? Heaven? To glorify God ultimately...but that earth, where our God has placed us, is just temporary, right? We're not supposed to just stay here. This isn't our end point. We can't just stop, or park here on earth....we need to keep moving...especially when times get bad.
"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. SO we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." (2 Corinthians 4:16)
I do not appreciate the knowledge that the troubles we endure here, is "achieving an eternal glory"....I want the beauty now...I want to stop, enjoy the roses, whatever. Yet the truth is, that God is and will use these times to make His glory seem even more beautiful to us once we are united with Him. What we experience here, is temporary....it's something that will pass away, that we need to not stop at. We cannot allow these things to stop us....though we may want to...we need to remember the "No Parking" sign. This is not the end. There is more....Philippians 3:20 goes on to say "And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, who by the power that enables Him to bring everything under His control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like His glorious body."
These bodies, the ones we are wasting away in....the old, the fat, the frail, the weak, the worn down bodies that we are in...are only traveling clothes. There is more to hope for, though right now it is hard to see. It is painful to look for. But don't stop....keep going.
I see these signs all the time, we all do & are often frustrated with the thoughts of "why not," or "it'll just be a second," or "someone else is parked there....maybe I can get away with it too." But today, as I looked at the sign, and thought about this woman, friend, co-worker.....I thought of how God often tells us that earth itself is a "No Parking or Stopping" zone.
Stay with me....it says in Philippians 3:20 that "...our citizenship is in heaven." Does this mean we're not made for this earth? We're made for something else, right? Heaven? To glorify God ultimately...but that earth, where our God has placed us, is just temporary, right? We're not supposed to just stay here. This isn't our end point. We can't just stop, or park here on earth....we need to keep moving...especially when times get bad.
"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. SO we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." (2 Corinthians 4:16)
I do not appreciate the knowledge that the troubles we endure here, is "achieving an eternal glory"....I want the beauty now...I want to stop, enjoy the roses, whatever. Yet the truth is, that God is and will use these times to make His glory seem even more beautiful to us once we are united with Him. What we experience here, is temporary....it's something that will pass away, that we need to not stop at. We cannot allow these things to stop us....though we may want to...we need to remember the "No Parking" sign. This is not the end. There is more....Philippians 3:20 goes on to say "And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, who by the power that enables Him to bring everything under His control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like His glorious body."
These bodies, the ones we are wasting away in....the old, the fat, the frail, the weak, the worn down bodies that we are in...are only traveling clothes. There is more to hope for, though right now it is hard to see. It is painful to look for. But don't stop....keep going.
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Never stop waiting for God
Well how do I begin to tell you just how amazed I am each day that I am alive, at the miraculous & strange ways in which our God works? Most days it's mundane, some days slightly boring. But occasionally, and more often than I would admit to enjoy, I get an unusual & exciting adventure. The last few days has been an occasion of that sort.
In the middle of a weekend night, I was startled with a call that my home had been broken into. Despite my prayers, my computer & external hard drives were stolen. To some, this would merely mean a few lost papers, maybe some pictures or your running music. To me....it was all the photos from my travels, the family pictures of my now lost mother, the memories of clients' babies & vows. The horror devastated me. It was ironic in the ways that I had been telling people how my neighborhood was "just fine," and how I had just read about how in David's painful or frightened waiting he found ways to praise God.
I sat stunned, lost, robbed & unsure of the future. The Lord reminded me to trust Him & not in the things I had lost. It was an understood message, one I "knew" but didn't enjoy knowing. But still, the praise was needed to Him.....so I thanked Him for keeping Lisa & I away from home that night because we were SAFE, I thanked Him for clean robbers because our home wasn't TRASHED, I thanked Him for grace because my clients were FORGIVING. All these things to be thankful for. Yes, I was angry at what had been done, but thankful for God's protection....I still had a home to sleep in.
My friends at church prayed for me. I'm sure many people did. For protection still, and also that something would turn up. Monday was the worst. It hit me that I would never see those photos again, that someone had been in my house, taken valuables from me, probably sold them, had probably watched me for a while & might be back. The Bible study I'm in helped to take away those thoughts that evening though.....through prayer & some late night fellowship I celebrated the people who surrounded me & the God who provided them.
Monday evening, my brother came back to my house so I did not have to be alone. He let me log-in online with his computer (since mine obviously was "out of service"). Trying to get online I realized that the thieves had also stolen my router. Dumb. I figured it out though, and went to Facebook to update some folks. Right away, I saw that I had a friend request & an email from the same person who was unknown to me. Opening the email, my disbelief was stretched. A man told me that he had purchased a computer that weekend, and after he opened it up & looked around, he noticed that the "brand new" computer he bought was really some one else's....mine. He had found my computer! But the best was yet to come--he wanted to GIVE IT BACK!
Wait....what? Give it back? No questions asked? He said he understood what it felt like to have things taken, and that he wanted me to have it back. Tonight....I sit here, writing this story, as I sit in front of my previously stolen computer.
The last few months, the ponderings of what God requires of us....of me....has been on my mind. And this story cannot hide the fact that this is God's love lived out in action. This guy, innocently bought a computer, discovered there was something wrong and gave it back, without expecting anything in return, trusting God that this is what He would require of him. I think this is SUCH an awesome example. Trusting in God, waiting on Him to provide, to protect, to restore & to renew a hope in His awesome love.
My life never ceases to amaze me....and neither does my God.
In the middle of a weekend night, I was startled with a call that my home had been broken into. Despite my prayers, my computer & external hard drives were stolen. To some, this would merely mean a few lost papers, maybe some pictures or your running music. To me....it was all the photos from my travels, the family pictures of my now lost mother, the memories of clients' babies & vows. The horror devastated me. It was ironic in the ways that I had been telling people how my neighborhood was "just fine," and how I had just read about how in David's painful or frightened waiting he found ways to praise God.
I sat stunned, lost, robbed & unsure of the future. The Lord reminded me to trust Him & not in the things I had lost. It was an understood message, one I "knew" but didn't enjoy knowing. But still, the praise was needed to Him.....so I thanked Him for keeping Lisa & I away from home that night because we were SAFE, I thanked Him for clean robbers because our home wasn't TRASHED, I thanked Him for grace because my clients were FORGIVING. All these things to be thankful for. Yes, I was angry at what had been done, but thankful for God's protection....I still had a home to sleep in.
My friends at church prayed for me. I'm sure many people did. For protection still, and also that something would turn up. Monday was the worst. It hit me that I would never see those photos again, that someone had been in my house, taken valuables from me, probably sold them, had probably watched me for a while & might be back. The Bible study I'm in helped to take away those thoughts that evening though.....through prayer & some late night fellowship I celebrated the people who surrounded me & the God who provided them.
Monday evening, my brother came back to my house so I did not have to be alone. He let me log-in online with his computer (since mine obviously was "out of service"). Trying to get online I realized that the thieves had also stolen my router. Dumb. I figured it out though, and went to Facebook to update some folks. Right away, I saw that I had a friend request & an email from the same person who was unknown to me. Opening the email, my disbelief was stretched. A man told me that he had purchased a computer that weekend, and after he opened it up & looked around, he noticed that the "brand new" computer he bought was really some one else's....mine. He had found my computer! But the best was yet to come--he wanted to GIVE IT BACK!
Wait....what? Give it back? No questions asked? He said he understood what it felt like to have things taken, and that he wanted me to have it back. Tonight....I sit here, writing this story, as I sit in front of my previously stolen computer.
The last few months, the ponderings of what God requires of us....of me....has been on my mind. And this story cannot hide the fact that this is God's love lived out in action. This guy, innocently bought a computer, discovered there was something wrong and gave it back, without expecting anything in return, trusting God that this is what He would require of him. I think this is SUCH an awesome example. Trusting in God, waiting on Him to provide, to protect, to restore & to renew a hope in His awesome love.
My life never ceases to amaze me....and neither does my God.
Monday, June 07, 2010
Wait & Trust
Our faith has to be in the Lord, not in a desired outcome.
This can sometimes be a hard one for me to comprehend. Our faith has to be in the LORD, not in a desired OUTCOME. Our faith cannot be in the thing we desire to gain, do or receive...our faith must be in the Lord himself: the Giver, the Teacher, the Ruler of our life.
I'm reading this book called "Sacred Waiting"....read it. In the second chapter, it talks about Abraham, and how throughout Abraham's story, he was spoken to by God. God spoke directly to Abraham, and told him to leave his home, that his barren wife would have a child, that he would be the father of many nations & then one day God told Abraham that he would have to sacrifice the promised son. These are all difficult things to comprehend. How do you know when it's the right time to leave home? How long do you wait for a child? How can you give up the dream you've held onto for years? None of these things are easy, and none of these things should be done without God directing you. And if your faith is in the object of these questions....faith in your home, faith in your fertility, faith in a dream....then I believe our faith is misplaced.
When you drive a car, or wear a watch. You trust that that machine will work. Ultimately, you trust in the manufacturer of that machine. You trust that all the pieces were put together just right, even though you don't understand how valves, cranks, levers or batteries work together, you understand that the manufacturer & designer knows, and that according to them, if you turn on the watch, or drive the car, it should work. Your faith is in the creator, not really the car itself. In the same way....like Abraham, who left his home without knowing where God was calling him, but just left in faith that God would direct, we should allow our faith to only focus on God & to watch for His direction. To jump into the water & keep our eyes on Him....not sitting around waiting for Him to move, but moving & allowing him to direct our movements.
We may not know where God is leading us, but we still should follow. We may believe that He is guiding us one way, but He may direct us somewhere different. Yet if in the change of direction we are following Christ, then how will we go astray?
This can sometimes be a hard one for me to comprehend. Our faith has to be in the LORD, not in a desired OUTCOME. Our faith cannot be in the thing we desire to gain, do or receive...our faith must be in the Lord himself: the Giver, the Teacher, the Ruler of our life.
I'm reading this book called "Sacred Waiting"....read it. In the second chapter, it talks about Abraham, and how throughout Abraham's story, he was spoken to by God. God spoke directly to Abraham, and told him to leave his home, that his barren wife would have a child, that he would be the father of many nations & then one day God told Abraham that he would have to sacrifice the promised son. These are all difficult things to comprehend. How do you know when it's the right time to leave home? How long do you wait for a child? How can you give up the dream you've held onto for years? None of these things are easy, and none of these things should be done without God directing you. And if your faith is in the object of these questions....faith in your home, faith in your fertility, faith in a dream....then I believe our faith is misplaced.
When you drive a car, or wear a watch. You trust that that machine will work. Ultimately, you trust in the manufacturer of that machine. You trust that all the pieces were put together just right, even though you don't understand how valves, cranks, levers or batteries work together, you understand that the manufacturer & designer knows, and that according to them, if you turn on the watch, or drive the car, it should work. Your faith is in the creator, not really the car itself. In the same way....like Abraham, who left his home without knowing where God was calling him, but just left in faith that God would direct, we should allow our faith to only focus on God & to watch for His direction. To jump into the water & keep our eyes on Him....not sitting around waiting for Him to move, but moving & allowing him to direct our movements.
We may not know where God is leading us, but we still should follow. We may believe that He is guiding us one way, but He may direct us somewhere different. Yet if in the change of direction we are following Christ, then how will we go astray?
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Hands that shaped the world
This weekend, God knew that I needed to hear from Him. Softly though, I needed Him. As I left my house, I was surrounded by piles of raked leaves....evidence that I did yard work last fall...and did not complete it before winter. The thought that I needed someone to tell me DO THIS was in my mind....if only someone could come along & help me to actually DO something, I might actually complete this work at last. I arrived at church and I sat still & silent, waiting to see how God would speak. For some reason too, I wanted to see a particular friend. I didn't know why, but the desire was there to see her.
This is how He softly came. As I turned to leave the sanctuary, I stopped to say hello to a friend. Over her shoulder, I looked & saw tightly wound curls....my friend, who I wanted to see so badly, was at my church (not her church) and was walking towards me. How could she know that that particular Sunday she would be such a blessing to sore, aching eyes. As we spoke and laughed, another lady approached me saying "I know how hard it can be to do housework if you don't have someone there to motivate you to just do it." I was totally blown away & amazed. She told me to call her and that she would help. I loved that Sunday.
Last night, as I drove across the city, my radio loud, a song came across that meant so much to me in that place. There is such simplistic truth here, so as much as I would try to describe it, I will allow the words to speak for themselves. Below are the lyrics, and a YouTube link so you can hear it as well.
I have unanswered prayers, I have trouble I wish wasn't there, And I have asked a thousand ways, That You would take my pain away, That You would take my pain away
I am trying to understand, How to walk this weary land, Make straight the paths that crookedly lie, Oh Lord, before these feet of mine, Oh Lord, before these feet of mine
When my world is shaking, Heaven stands, When my heart is breaking, I never leave Your hands
When You walked upon the Earth, You healed the broken, lost, and hurt, I know You hate to see me cry
One day You will set all things right, Yea, one day You will set all things right
When my world is shaking, Heaven stands, When my heart is breaking, I never leave Your hands
Your hands, Your hands that shape the world, Are holding me, they hold me still, Your hands that shape the world, Are holding me, they hold me still
When my world is shaking, Heaven stands, When my heart is breaking, I never leave You when...
When my world is shaking, Heaven stands, When my heart is breaking, I never leave...I never leave Your hands.
This is how He softly came. As I turned to leave the sanctuary, I stopped to say hello to a friend. Over her shoulder, I looked & saw tightly wound curls....my friend, who I wanted to see so badly, was at my church (not her church) and was walking towards me. How could she know that that particular Sunday she would be such a blessing to sore, aching eyes. As we spoke and laughed, another lady approached me saying "I know how hard it can be to do housework if you don't have someone there to motivate you to just do it." I was totally blown away & amazed. She told me to call her and that she would help. I loved that Sunday.
Last night, as I drove across the city, my radio loud, a song came across that meant so much to me in that place. There is such simplistic truth here, so as much as I would try to describe it, I will allow the words to speak for themselves. Below are the lyrics, and a YouTube link so you can hear it as well.
I have unanswered prayers, I have trouble I wish wasn't there, And I have asked a thousand ways, That You would take my pain away, That You would take my pain away
I am trying to understand, How to walk this weary land, Make straight the paths that crookedly lie, Oh Lord, before these feet of mine, Oh Lord, before these feet of mine
When my world is shaking, Heaven stands, When my heart is breaking, I never leave Your hands
When You walked upon the Earth, You healed the broken, lost, and hurt, I know You hate to see me cry
One day You will set all things right, Yea, one day You will set all things right
When my world is shaking, Heaven stands, When my heart is breaking, I never leave Your hands
Your hands, Your hands that shape the world, Are holding me, they hold me still, Your hands that shape the world, Are holding me, they hold me still
When my world is shaking, Heaven stands, When my heart is breaking, I never leave You when...
When my world is shaking, Heaven stands, When my heart is breaking, I never leave...I never leave Your hands.
Monday, March 22, 2010
Moving Mountains
Once in a while, you'll get a glimpse of something spectacular....of something new & unrealized, something fresh & intriguing. Sometimes those glimpses will come from the most unlikely places.
I watched this little girl with her father in the park. They were lying there, looking at the city, through the trees...she laid there in the grass quickly switching her hand to cover one eye, then the next, then the first eye again. She laughed with delight at she told her father "I can make the whole city move! It looks like the buildings are dancing!" Back & forth she would look once more as the city was moved from the east to the west and back again. Her dad looked over to her and simply replied "It all has to do with perspective."
And at that moment I thought about the passage that says "...if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." (Matthew 17:20) I thought about how faith has to do a lot with your perspective.....your perspective of God and of how much you can trust him. It has to do with what you think God can do. Even how you think God can work through a seemingly difficult situation. Do we really trust that God will use us no matter where we go? Do we really think He could bring good out of war? Do I really believe God will use Leukemia to touch people? It all has to do with perspective.
It's not physically moving a mountain from here to there, it's seeing the mountain the way God might see it. As an opportunity to overcome, rather than an obstacle that can defeat you. A mountain for us might be a hard work environment, or an impossible dream, or an un-lovable neighbor. We are all capable of moving mountains, simply by having a perspective other than our own....a perspective rather, that comes from Christ. We can see the un-lovable neighbor as a hurting soul that could really use a glimpse of kindness. We can see that our impossible dream is no longer impossible if we start from another angle. We can see that a hard work environment can be an opportunity to show a heavenly amount of patience & grace.
Makes sense to me that we are moving mountains every day....if only we have faith to see through God's perspective...from east to west, here to there, from mind to heart...it's possible.
I watched this little girl with her father in the park. They were lying there, looking at the city, through the trees...she laid there in the grass quickly switching her hand to cover one eye, then the next, then the first eye again. She laughed with delight at she told her father "I can make the whole city move! It looks like the buildings are dancing!" Back & forth she would look once more as the city was moved from the east to the west and back again. Her dad looked over to her and simply replied "It all has to do with perspective."
And at that moment I thought about the passage that says "...if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." (Matthew 17:20) I thought about how faith has to do a lot with your perspective.....your perspective of God and of how much you can trust him. It has to do with what you think God can do. Even how you think God can work through a seemingly difficult situation. Do we really trust that God will use us no matter where we go? Do we really think He could bring good out of war? Do I really believe God will use Leukemia to touch people? It all has to do with perspective.
It's not physically moving a mountain from here to there, it's seeing the mountain the way God might see it. As an opportunity to overcome, rather than an obstacle that can defeat you. A mountain for us might be a hard work environment, or an impossible dream, or an un-lovable neighbor. We are all capable of moving mountains, simply by having a perspective other than our own....a perspective rather, that comes from Christ. We can see the un-lovable neighbor as a hurting soul that could really use a glimpse of kindness. We can see that our impossible dream is no longer impossible if we start from another angle. We can see that a hard work environment can be an opportunity to show a heavenly amount of patience & grace.
Makes sense to me that we are moving mountains every day....if only we have faith to see through God's perspective...from east to west, here to there, from mind to heart...it's possible.
Tuesday, March 09, 2010
Miracle Worker
The sky today seems teary eyed...welling up with tears that may never come. My tears are the same some days....they are there, but do not break free from the comfort within my eyes. Tears can be hot with anger, cold with grief, salty with sadness, or refreshing with joy. ....and the ones that come today are the kind that fill emptiness with gratefulness.
Last week, there was fear....this week God came near. My mom was in the hospital, waiting for another result to come back...and was expecting the now normal response of "it didn't work....we'll try again." Needless to say this is a frustrating & often crushing blow that sets my whole family back into questioning what will be next. The doctors were not pleased, and told my mom this. Why, I don't know...but they were predicting, and wanted to prepare her for what was inevitable. Anyway, the doctor came into the room last Monday (the morning after 40 of us had prayed & cried out to God for her healing), and said "This is unexplainable....but your blast numbers are down to 3%....this shouldn't have happened according to your last results.....I don't understand it. We'll be sending it back to Mayo to double check." We all felt that we had witnessed a miracle....3% blasts means she's technically in remission! And after the double-check, the numbers were proved correct. What a praise! The prayer now, is that the 3% blasts stays there, and her white blood count will climb to normal levels....join us in this prayer, please!
The week before, there was also an unexplainable incident. Because of the seemingly constant hospital stays that my mom has endured, my dad has also had to endure phone calls from hospitals & such, to pay the overwhelming six-digit bills that keep coming. His responsibility had added up to about $47,000. He also had received another phone message, telling him to call the hospital about that bill, right away. Well, he started to pray & cry out to God. There is no way that our family will be able to pay this amount, and we need help to make this happen. It's enough to worry about your mother/wife in the hospital, without having to wonder where the money will come from to keep her in good health. So after an evening of sleeping & praying through his concern, he somewhat hesitatingly called the hospital. When the man answered the phone & confirmed the amount owed, the man then simply stated "Okay, we just took care of that."
Yep. All $47,000.....done, paid for, wiped off the tab.
All I can say, is that God is definitely a miracle worker. I've seen it this week, and I've seen it all through my life. The miracles don't come every time we want them, or when we would expect them....they come in His good timing, in his pleasure, to give us pleasure, and to show us His power & glory. He is Good. Very good. Just thought I'd share.
Last week, there was fear....this week God came near. My mom was in the hospital, waiting for another result to come back...and was expecting the now normal response of "it didn't work....we'll try again." Needless to say this is a frustrating & often crushing blow that sets my whole family back into questioning what will be next. The doctors were not pleased, and told my mom this. Why, I don't know...but they were predicting, and wanted to prepare her for what was inevitable. Anyway, the doctor came into the room last Monday (the morning after 40 of us had prayed & cried out to God for her healing), and said "This is unexplainable....but your blast numbers are down to 3%....this shouldn't have happened according to your last results.....I don't understand it. We'll be sending it back to Mayo to double check." We all felt that we had witnessed a miracle....3% blasts means she's technically in remission! And after the double-check, the numbers were proved correct. What a praise! The prayer now, is that the 3% blasts stays there, and her white blood count will climb to normal levels....join us in this prayer, please!
The week before, there was also an unexplainable incident. Because of the seemingly constant hospital stays that my mom has endured, my dad has also had to endure phone calls from hospitals & such, to pay the overwhelming six-digit bills that keep coming. His responsibility had added up to about $47,000. He also had received another phone message, telling him to call the hospital about that bill, right away. Well, he started to pray & cry out to God. There is no way that our family will be able to pay this amount, and we need help to make this happen. It's enough to worry about your mother/wife in the hospital, without having to wonder where the money will come from to keep her in good health. So after an evening of sleeping & praying through his concern, he somewhat hesitatingly called the hospital. When the man answered the phone & confirmed the amount owed, the man then simply stated "Okay, we just took care of that."
Yep. All $47,000.....done, paid for, wiped off the tab.
All I can say, is that God is definitely a miracle worker. I've seen it this week, and I've seen it all through my life. The miracles don't come every time we want them, or when we would expect them....they come in His good timing, in his pleasure, to give us pleasure, and to show us His power & glory. He is Good. Very good. Just thought I'd share.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Exhausted
I’m tired. Seriously. Tired. Some days, no matter what the day is like, it’s like….I have unexplainable energy, pushing me onwards, into new undiscovered depths of the universe…(please read that in a sci-fi narrator voice)…and other days, though I feel the Lord in me & around me, I just am tired. That’s what I get so thankful in knowing that I don’t have to do this life alone. I don’t have to worry alone, or really at all. I can leave things in His hands & know that what will be will be. It’s draining to have so many things come at you….and to keep going. Not pretending your okay, but knowing deep down that you WILL be…it’s just a matter of choosing that, and trusting that God will work things out.
I’m a planner. If you know me well, or at all, you know this to be absolutely true. I like to know what is going to happen, how, why & when…I’m also quite spontaneous & like things that are, yet most of the time my default is: planner. When things surprise me,…my first reaction is always to…okay, well let’s keep going as is, and deal with the real problem later, when we know more definitives. It’s been my way of dealing since I was little. I quite specifically remember a time that my dad accidentally killed….squashed….my cat. I was 3. When he told me very quietly that Snickers was dead, I jumped up with a big smile on my face & said…”I have to tell my friends & show them!” I ran over to my neighbor’s house, pulled my friends away from whatever they were doing, brought them over to ground zero & pointed so proudly. I said “Look! My cat’s…..” and with a quivering lip I couldn’t finish the sentence. It hit me then that it was real, not just something that happened, but something final.
Looking over other events in my life where I’ve been hit with scary or tough news, I’ve done the same thing. I go about my business because I know, I KNOW that there’s nothing really in my power to do but to live, and keep on living. But it gets to be tiring…just going about life, not knowing, and trying not to worry. Keeping my face turning up towards God, with all my questions & requests, Trying my best not to fall into a gap of hopelessness, but keeping my faith & strength about me. When I am tired, He will sustain me. When I need rest, He will take over.
I’m a planner. If you know me well, or at all, you know this to be absolutely true. I like to know what is going to happen, how, why & when…I’m also quite spontaneous & like things that are, yet most of the time my default is: planner. When things surprise me,…my first reaction is always to…okay, well let’s keep going as is, and deal with the real problem later, when we know more definitives. It’s been my way of dealing since I was little. I quite specifically remember a time that my dad accidentally killed….squashed….my cat. I was 3. When he told me very quietly that Snickers was dead, I jumped up with a big smile on my face & said…”I have to tell my friends & show them!” I ran over to my neighbor’s house, pulled my friends away from whatever they were doing, brought them over to ground zero & pointed so proudly. I said “Look! My cat’s…..” and with a quivering lip I couldn’t finish the sentence. It hit me then that it was real, not just something that happened, but something final.
Looking over other events in my life where I’ve been hit with scary or tough news, I’ve done the same thing. I go about my business because I know, I KNOW that there’s nothing really in my power to do but to live, and keep on living. But it gets to be tiring…just going about life, not knowing, and trying not to worry. Keeping my face turning up towards God, with all my questions & requests, Trying my best not to fall into a gap of hopelessness, but keeping my faith & strength about me. When I am tired, He will sustain me. When I need rest, He will take over.
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Nothing to Say---
Do you ever have so much to say that you don't say anything? Can't say anything? Would rather shut up than say what you'd like to?
Are the thoughts so vivid & alarming that you shock yourself...or you think that no one would really understand? And you wonder if God is preparing you for yet one more thing while crying because you think that your last weekends memories were just that...preparing you for what happened yesterday?
Since I really have "nothing" to say....at least not here anyway (I just need some deep conversations with God right now)...I'll give you some verses that I've been thinking on.
"Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love & good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another --and all the more as you see the Day approaching." (Hebrews 10:23-25)
"Remember those earlier days after you had received the light, when you stood your ground in a great contest in the face of suffering. Sometimes you were publicly exposed to insult & persecution; at other times you stood side by side with those who were so treated. You sympathized with those in prison and joyfully accepted the confiscation of your property, because you knew that you yourselves had better and lasting possessions. So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded." (Hebrews 10:32-35)
This is the hope I hold onto. This is something I know to be true & evident in my life and in those around me. Let's encourage one another, though we suffer....let us remember Who Christ is...that is our hope.
Are the thoughts so vivid & alarming that you shock yourself...or you think that no one would really understand? And you wonder if God is preparing you for yet one more thing while crying because you think that your last weekends memories were just that...preparing you for what happened yesterday?
Since I really have "nothing" to say....at least not here anyway (I just need some deep conversations with God right now)...I'll give you some verses that I've been thinking on.
"Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love & good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another --and all the more as you see the Day approaching." (Hebrews 10:23-25)
"Remember those earlier days after you had received the light, when you stood your ground in a great contest in the face of suffering. Sometimes you were publicly exposed to insult & persecution; at other times you stood side by side with those who were so treated. You sympathized with those in prison and joyfully accepted the confiscation of your property, because you knew that you yourselves had better and lasting possessions. So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded." (Hebrews 10:32-35)
This is the hope I hold onto. This is something I know to be true & evident in my life and in those around me. Let's encourage one another, though we suffer....let us remember Who Christ is...that is our hope.
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Perspective through Prisms
On the road tonight, I was going back over my day. I was thinking about all my conversations, the interactions I had & the feelings I got from people. One conversation stuck out to me. We were talking about how some people aren't really who they have been or who they really are...trying to find that again.
Well, I pondered this as I drove. Because I feel like I am currently not who I am normally...which got me thinking further...is the person I was, supposed to be the same as who I will be? If the person I am now, is not the same as last year, should the person I was last year be my goal? I don't think so....I hope actually that I am in some ways completely different than the person I was last year. So many things have happened, that it would be a shame if it didn't change the person I was into the person I should be. And we all know transition is odd & awkward....maybe that's why I don't feel like myself: it's because I'm turning into someone else...not necessarily a worse someone, but someone different. And because I don't know who that will be, it feels frightening. BUT....here's the positive thought that came through.
Light, when it comes through glass, makes a new, condensed light. Put a few different pieces of glass in front of a light & it will make a few different lights. Okay, stay with me...this will get cool. Imagine that you are like a light, the sun perhaps, that will shine until the end. Now imagine that trials are like glass. They're hard & you have to somehow make it through. Imagine a prism....there's lots of facets, lots of hard things to go through...twists & turns that you can't always see but they're there none the less. When your light goes through it, does it come out the same or unchanged? Absolutely not. It comes out better....brighter, colorful & magnificent. Without the obstacle of a prism in the light's way, you would never know how many colors you light held. And think of how prisms make light dance. Rainbows shine all over a room, just like the people you'll touch when you go through these "prisms". If you didn't have that to change you, you'd only shine in one spot....but because of the facets, you can shine to many many many people & show a brighter picture.
My life is changing & shining through a prism. It has to go through something before the new beauty can shine! I'm waiting.....trying to find my way, but can you imagine with me? If your life is going through a prism, what will you look like on the other side?
Well, I pondered this as I drove. Because I feel like I am currently not who I am normally...which got me thinking further...is the person I was, supposed to be the same as who I will be? If the person I am now, is not the same as last year, should the person I was last year be my goal? I don't think so....I hope actually that I am in some ways completely different than the person I was last year. So many things have happened, that it would be a shame if it didn't change the person I was into the person I should be. And we all know transition is odd & awkward....maybe that's why I don't feel like myself: it's because I'm turning into someone else...not necessarily a worse someone, but someone different. And because I don't know who that will be, it feels frightening. BUT....here's the positive thought that came through.
Light, when it comes through glass, makes a new, condensed light. Put a few different pieces of glass in front of a light & it will make a few different lights. Okay, stay with me...this will get cool. Imagine that you are like a light, the sun perhaps, that will shine until the end. Now imagine that trials are like glass. They're hard & you have to somehow make it through. Imagine a prism....there's lots of facets, lots of hard things to go through...twists & turns that you can't always see but they're there none the less. When your light goes through it, does it come out the same or unchanged? Absolutely not. It comes out better....brighter, colorful & magnificent. Without the obstacle of a prism in the light's way, you would never know how many colors you light held. And think of how prisms make light dance. Rainbows shine all over a room, just like the people you'll touch when you go through these "prisms". If you didn't have that to change you, you'd only shine in one spot....but because of the facets, you can shine to many many many people & show a brighter picture.
My life is changing & shining through a prism. It has to go through something before the new beauty can shine! I'm waiting.....trying to find my way, but can you imagine with me? If your life is going through a prism, what will you look like on the other side?
Thursday, October 16, 2008
H0n35ty
This morning I was challenged that I need to be honest with my emotions. Both honest to myself and to those around me, so here I go.
I'm really in a lot of pain.....and I almost feel guilty for always having sad things to talk about. I'm trying to focus on you (friends) so that I can have something else to think about or feel....but I do realize that sometimes I might get "me" focused, and I'm sorry. I do ALSO realize that there is a time for that, where I need to focus on healing & working through all the stuff that has been happening around me.
Most days, I really don't want to hang out with anyone....because I just have to explain again what happened. And I need to, want to....kinda, but not all the time. So if I seem to not be calling for a while, know that it's nothing against YOU, it's more me. That said, I really do NEED to hang out & do some fun things where I don't have to think about my pain. I need to see that there is life beyond this current state. Coerce me, bribe me, kidnap me, whatever you have to do to not let me just waste away....ask me more than once....I'll probably cave in. ;-) If I don't, then just pray for me.
Here are some of the thoughts that were given me today: "When you are suffering, you may sometimes tend to withdraw, pull back, and pull away," says Anne Graham Lotz. "I do think there is a time for that, and each day you should spend time alone with the Lord. But don't forsake other people, because other people can give you comfort and encouragement and help you keep your focus. Sometimes you can get so preoccupied with the problem that it consumes you. Other people can help give you a balance."
God wants you to be truthful with yourself and with other people. He wants to free you from the debilitating effects of withdrawing and hiding your emotions. Jesus says in the book of John that "the truth will set you free."
Love you.
I'm really in a lot of pain.....and I almost feel guilty for always having sad things to talk about. I'm trying to focus on you (friends) so that I can have something else to think about or feel....but I do realize that sometimes I might get "me" focused, and I'm sorry. I do ALSO realize that there is a time for that, where I need to focus on healing & working through all the stuff that has been happening around me.
Most days, I really don't want to hang out with anyone....because I just have to explain again what happened. And I need to, want to....kinda, but not all the time. So if I seem to not be calling for a while, know that it's nothing against YOU, it's more me. That said, I really do NEED to hang out & do some fun things where I don't have to think about my pain. I need to see that there is life beyond this current state. Coerce me, bribe me, kidnap me, whatever you have to do to not let me just waste away....ask me more than once....I'll probably cave in. ;-) If I don't, then just pray for me.
Here are some of the thoughts that were given me today: "When you are suffering, you may sometimes tend to withdraw, pull back, and pull away," says Anne Graham Lotz. "I do think there is a time for that, and each day you should spend time alone with the Lord. But don't forsake other people, because other people can give you comfort and encouragement and help you keep your focus. Sometimes you can get so preoccupied with the problem that it consumes you. Other people can help give you a balance."
God wants you to be truthful with yourself and with other people. He wants to free you from the debilitating effects of withdrawing and hiding your emotions. Jesus says in the book of John that "the truth will set you free."
Love you.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
One More Day
Life, as strange & bitter as it is, never ceases to surprise me with new & harsh feelings. The cruel end of world, life & death, beginnings & the end….they shock & rattle the depths of my soul. Searching for the light that guides me, the peace that only Christ can provide, the joy that is my hope, the comfort that I can only sometimes feel….God is here, in a new perspective. While I grieve, and cry, yearn & ache…..He watches me. The Lord is my hope; He is my strength when I have none. I am confident & comforted in knowing that when I do not understand the emotions of my heart or the ache of my heart, or how I am supposed to go on, He knows the depth of my soul. Christ has met me there; He is there right now, in my future, in our future….. Pain and life consume every waking movement, each moment that I am here. Knowing that there is a future for me, He is the one who gives purpose, who calls us each to our own end. Though the pain is present, the hope is healing. I’m trying not to be overrun by the grief, but encouraged to live my life in a new way, a better way, a more vibrant way….a way that Christ would ask from me. A life that will give, love, share, encourage, rejoice & LIVE to the fullest extent of Christ’s love as humanly possible.
Tuesday, June 03, 2008
Just a note...
So this is not my thought, but took it off a comment of a friend's post & it really spoke to me....we all have difficult times, times where we think we wont make it through....and if we do we'll be charred or broken. If it speaks to you too, let me know!
"I looked at one of those Hawaiian "Sugar in the Raw" packets the other day at Starbucks... it says, "volcanic soil" on them... somehow through the havoc volcanic ash imposes, the soil nearby in its rarity is rich and in some ways purified (I guess that means the sugar grows sweeter there?). I like to believe that these moments we have that are 'uncomfortable and difficult' in some way make our heart's soil rich like that. No doubt, what God grows in your life will thrive because of times like the ones you mentioned."
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