Dressed in Striped Pajamas

Tonight I was sick....slightly, but feeling not quite myself just the same.  I knew I wanted to blog tonight, since much has been floating around my mind, but it wasn't until just this moment that I really knew what I wanted to say.


This month I'm going on a journey of prayer journaling....and before I began writing tonight, I wanted to "relax" and watch a movie. Well I chose the movie "Boy in Striped Pajama's".  If you've seen it, you know that it leaves you feeling very sad, sad for the world, for the boy, for the times when we just don't know any better.... and it makes me want to pray.


"Trust in Him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge." (Psalm 62:8) If you know anything about the holocaust, you know that there were many, many people who cried out to God, seeking His help, protection, wisdom & mercy. God wants us to do this, to pour out our hearts to him when we are scared, ashamed, unsure & hurting.  He will protect us, though sometimes He protects our hearts & souls over our earthly bodies.

We know this is true, that God desires to hold us in his Hands, and that He will answer us and come to us because of what Christ testified by his mouth..."'Then Jesus said to them, “Suppose you have a friend, and you go to him at midnight and say, ‘Friend, lend me three loaves of bread; a friend of mine on a journey has come to me, and I have no food to offer him.’ And suppose the one inside answers, ‘Don’t bother me. The door is already locked, and my children and I are in bed. I can’t get up and give you anything.’ I tell you, even though he will not get up and give you the bread because of friendship, yet because of your shameless audacity he will surely get up and give you as much as you need.  So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.  Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!”'

And yet, sometimes we have to walk through horrendous situations.  The people of the holocaust were thrust into something they had little to no control over, they were tortured, beaten, starved, mocked and killed for just daring to live as people that Christ created them to be.  Many of them lost hope, feeling abandoned....but still there were some, like Corrie Ten Boom who saw her situation in the prison camps, as a time that she could tell others about God & his mercy. She understood what is written about in 2 Corinthians 2:14 where it says "But thanks be to God, who always leads us as captives in Christ's triumphal procession and uses us to spread the aroma of the knowledge of him everywhere."  She, being lead as a captive into a place shrouded by death, held to her faith and overcame the smell of flesh with the fragrance of everlasting life.  ..... A faith like that deserves pause. ..... A faith like that, is one to make you wonder about the God who calls a witness like her out...He is a mighty God, a faithful God, an everlasting God.

Finally, as we seek him, praise him, confess our fears and hopes to him, we will see...maybe not today, but one day we will see...what His glorious plans for our lives will be.  It is then and on our journey to that end, that we can joyfully sing with David through Psalms 30:11-12, "You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing your praises and not be silent. LORD my God, I will praise you forever." Amen.

Sunrise to Sunset

I am the LORD, and there is no other;
   apart from me there is no God.
I will strengthen you,
   though you have not acknowledged me,
⁶ so that from the rising of the sun
   to the place of its setting
people may know there is none besides me.
   I am the LORD, and there is no other. --Isaiah 45:5-6

 

This morning, as I do many mornings, I watched the sunrise develop into something exquisite over the frozen lake.  It shone bright orange, purple & blue streaks which each contrasted with the others so vibrantly.  I'm not sure why, but watching a sunrise or sunset like the one this morning always reminds me of God's faithfulness. It's like he's there, trying to remind us that from beginning to end, He is there. He will be faithful.  Though the day might bring hardship, toil & pain, He remains. He draws us towards him, to find beauty within his  creation, to find beauty within the day He has created for us. He wants us to know that He is bigger than whatever is out there, whatever we go through, whatever we face....He is with us.  He is in the dark, in the light, in the wind and in the calm. He is there and will always be pursuing us to bring us towards His loving arms.  The colors of this sunset are like the many facets of God's character. He is both loving, just, compassionate, holy, gentle & yet we should fear Him.  Oh how all those facets and colors come together to form such a wonderful picture of who God is, and that we can be reminded of it every morning and every evening....that God is faithful.  

A quiet Joy

In the past two years, there have been multiple things that have upset the flow of my life.  Some would say this just IS life....the constant upsetting, twisting, lurching, occasional lull and then surprises once again.  I agree with this, but I think you know what I mean when you feel like your "nice little life" is turned upside down!  Even though crazy things are what make up our life, somewhere we feel like.....it's the "normal" days that should comprise the most of it? I don't know if this makes sense....but stick with me.

I've been challenged to look at joy in my life, and here is what I can say....for those of you reading who don't know me well, in 2008 my dear friend gave her life trying to save another camper, and both died tragically over a large waterfall...a few months later, my grandma passed away after a 5 year fight against cancer...a few months after that, my dad had triple by-pass surgery following a motorcycle accident...and a few months after that, my mom was diagnosed with Leukemia...leading to this March, when she met Jesus at home in heaven.  That's part of my backstory...I'm not telling you this so that you pity me, or on the flip say...she has no idea what kind of pain I've been through, I just want you to know that I can to some extent say with assurance that I can empathize with pain...and we can be connected through that. These trials are not the things that make me unique, nor does it for anyone else....but it is the way we respond to these situations that really define who we are, and what we are made of. ....so back to Joy....

"Hear, O LORD, and be merciful to me; O LORD, be my help. You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing to you and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give you thanks forever." (Psalm 30:10-12)

"Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me." (Psalm 51:12)

Joy to me, is the confidence I have in knowing that God, the eternal and all knowing, all powerful God will sustain me throughout whatever trials must be faced on this earth.  Having this trust in his unfailing mercy, brings me joy....understanding that though times can be tough, He is still faithful, He is still strong, He will sustain me and hold me up when I feel like falling.  This joy is freedom in Christ, knowing that when I cannot make it, He will continue the work that he began in me.  It is not something that I can do, or stir up, or make grow inside of me....it is something that God reminds me of at the right moment of need...He reminds me that I am not alone, and that there is hope for a future in Him and in that hope I can find joy because my present moment is not the end...it's not final and God will be with me in every situation, at every moment....forever.

This to me, is how joy is seen.  It is in the reassurance of God's unfailing love that I am able to relax in His arms and revel in joy despite the raging seas pounding against my soul.  His joy will give me strength.

"Praise be to the Lord, for He has heard my cry for mercy. The Lord is my strength and shield; my heart trusts in Him and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to Him in song. The Lord is the strength of his people, a fortress of his salvation for his Anointed one." (Psalm 28:6-8)

Wait & Trust

Our faith has to be in the Lord, not in a desired outcome.

This can sometimes be a hard one for me to comprehend. Our faith has to be in the LORD, not in a desired OUTCOME.  Our faith cannot be in the thing we desire to gain, do or receive...our faith must be in the Lord himself: the Giver, the Teacher, the Ruler of our life.

I'm reading this book called "Sacred Waiting"....read it. In the second chapter, it talks about Abraham, and how throughout Abraham's story, he was spoken to by God.  God spoke directly to Abraham, and told him to leave his home, that his barren wife would have a child, that he would be the father of many nations & then one day God told Abraham that he would have to sacrifice the promised son.  These are all difficult things to comprehend. How do you know when it's the right time to leave home?  How long do you wait for a child?  How can you give up the dream you've held onto for years?  None of these things are easy, and none of these things should be done without God directing you. And if your faith is in the object of these questions....faith in your home, faith in your fertility, faith in a dream....then I believe our faith is misplaced.

When you drive a car, or wear a watch.  You trust that that machine will work.  Ultimately, you trust in the manufacturer of that machine. You trust that all the pieces were put together just right, even though you don't understand how valves, cranks, levers or batteries work together, you understand that the manufacturer & designer knows, and that according to them, if you turn on the watch, or drive the car, it should work.  Your faith is in the creator, not really the car itself.  In the same way....like Abraham, who left his home without knowing where God was calling him, but just left in faith that God would direct, we should allow our faith to only focus on God & to watch for His direction.  To jump into the water & keep our eyes on Him....not sitting around waiting for Him to move, but moving & allowing him to direct our movements.   

We may not know where God is leading us, but we still should follow.  We may believe that He is guiding us one way, but He may direct us somewhere different. Yet if in the change of direction we are following Christ, then how will we go astray?

Forever Faithful

This weekend, a few things struck me hard.....here's my experience....I'd love your feedback.

This weekend, I was out until about 3am Saturday morning, and while driving home, I saw what I believed to be two prostitutes only a few blocks from my home.  I physically felt my stomach drop.  It was like a pit in my stomach that shocked me so much!  I knew it was around, and that it is real....but somehow, I felt like my neighborhood wasn't affected by that. Hm. Those of you who've asked me about what I feel God is challenging me to.....you know that there's something there that keeps coming up in regard to reaching prostitutes....There's a lot I'm not going to get into now, but if you're curious, ask.  Anyway....I went home and prayed....until I fell asleep (which wasn't long) but it lasted with me all the next day.

Two other comments struck me this week....they were said almost in passing.....and I don't think anything was meant by them....but.....they're still there, mulling over in my mind.  That's all I can really say right now.

My question today I guess is this: I know that God is faithful, and that He will direct our paths....but when is it the time to stay still, or to move? When is it the time to jump and when is the time to ponder? If there is a deep seeded yearning.....and you act on it...can it sometimes be for your own motivation? And is that always a wrong motivation? I mean....you're still doing something helpful, right?

Hosea was told to marry a prostitute. A Prostitute!  ....yet, through that, God showed his faithfulness to Israel.  By Hosea's faithful example to a woman who continued to go elsewhere with her affection, God showed how even though we go elsewhere with our affiliations He is always faithful. Hosea jumped (married the woman) and then pondered and spoke...(he remained faithful to her, despite her own unfaithfulness). 

I'm kindof all over the board, I realize this.....but....I guess what I'm getting at, is I know God is faithful, and I want to be a faithful follower too....but how can we do that with the conflicts in our own mind, and the things that pop up, getting us to think off course....and yeah. I'm going to quit now before I REALLY start to ramble. I'd appreciate comments or thoughts! (write them on my blog though....I have about one more week before I can read anything on Facebook).

Not a moment too soon....

In the New Testament there are 290 references to the love of God, 290 times when God had declared His love for man. But in the same chapters and the same verses there are more than 1,300 references to the atonement, 1300 assurances that salvation can be had through the blood of Christ. —G. Franklin Allee

Abraham was a man tested by God. Over an over God came to him & asked him to go here or there, do this or that, say something or keep quiet. Abraham listened to God. He understood when it was truly God that was speaking and not just his own thoughts or the thoughts of those around him. Abraham wasn't perfect however; he pushed forward with the said blessings of God by having a child with someone other than his wife, thinking that this child would be "the one" that God had promised. While God still protected this child, Abraham had clearly not waited for God to fulfill his promise. After a little while, God did come through for Abraham & Sarah, in blessing them with a son Isaac. In their old age, Sarah & Abraham love their little boy fiercely. They would have never guessed that this little boy would become the center of yet one more test of faith for them.

God spoke to Abraham and told him to sacrifice his son Isaac. If this was a message to me, about my own son, I probably would have hidden Isaac & tried to keep him safe...but Abraham didn't do this. The Bible says that he immediately went out & made preparations for an altar & the three day trek to the mountain of the Lord. On the way up the mountain, Isaac humbly asked his father where the lamb for the alter was, to which Abraham responded that "the Lord will provide the lamb himself."

I expect that he had great pain while saying this, trusting that God knew how the situation would end, and all the time Abraham following without understanding. It doesn't say that Isaac struggled while his father tied him up & placed the boy on the alter. This surprises me, and says a lot to the relationship of trust Isaac had with his father! Just as Abraham raised his armed hand to slay his only son, the Angel of the Lord came to him & told Abraham that God had seen how he feared the Lord. Just then, Abraham noticed a Ram that was stuck in the bushes. God himself had provided the sacrifice of atonement.

...Faith obeys completely the Word of God. --Abraham trusted in God's voice, and acted immediately.
...Faith surrenders the best to God, holding nothing back. --He surrendered his only son, the one he had prayed fervently for and had seen God provide.
...Faith waits on the Lord to provide all one’s needs. --Abraham knew that God would provide for him, whether through this son as a sacrifice or with something else. God had promised to make him a father of many nations, and Abraham trusted that whether it would be through Isaac or someone else, that God would bring that to pass.

"A true worshiper of God holds nothing back from God but obediently gives Him what He asks, trusting that He will provide. The key idea of the entire passage is summarized in the name Abraham gave to the place: Yahweh Yir’eh, The Lord will provide."

It is hard to put your all onto the alter. To open up yourself completely to our God, though we should know deep down that He WILL provide. It is still difficult sometimes. A true test of God will ask you to do something that doesn't make sense. It forces you to rely solely on him and not on your own power. I struggle to do this some days....and who am I kidding....most days I struggle with this. Simply in knowing that God will provide for me in EVERYTHING I need.

It is then that I remember that God has already provided a sacrifice for me, and that He has already provided all that I need. He has given me a new life, a clean slate, the forgiveness for my sins through the atonement His one and only son paid for me on the cross. Through trusting in Him, and even before I trusted in Him, He had given me and all of us forgiveness.

I loved this thought I read while studying about God as our sacrificial Lamb...."When does God meet our needs? Just when we have the need and not a minute before. When you bring your requests to the throne of grace, God answers with mercy and grace “in time of need” (Heb. 4:16). Sometimes it looks like God waits until the last minute to send help, but that is only from our human point of view. God is never late."

Fading out...and in

Is it odd when you suddenly realize that not so suddenly you've stopped doing things that are important to you? When you see your life in a perspective not seen for a while, or through a vision that you've lost sight of? What about when you remember the things you used to wait for, long for, savor moments of and you realize that you're not waiting for those things any more.

I'm not the only one...a cupbearer of the Pharoah's says what I feel like lately "Today I am reminded of my shortcomings...." (Genesis 41:9) When you keep going, and everything's "fine" and then you get a little jolt. Ha...you thought everything was fine, but look once again. Did you forget about me? I feel like a gentile when Paul wrote "I myself am convinced, my brothers, that you yourselves are full of goodness, complete in knowledge and competent to instruct one another. I have written you quite boldly on some points, as if to remind you of them again, because of the grace God gave me to be a minister of Christ Jesus to the Gentiles with the priestly duty of proclaiming the gospel of God, so that the Gentiles might become an offering acceptable to God, sanctified by the Holy Spirit." (Romans 15:14-16)

I don't know what to compare a good reminder to....it's like one of those really great things, that you know is good for you, but you forget how much it hurts at the same time...it's like, 'Oh yeah! Thanks for reminding me....but ouch, did I really go there?'

Slowly fading in & out....up & down.....one shade to another and back again. I love what it tells us in Hebrews 10:32 "Remember those earlier days after you had received the light, when you stood your ground in a great contest in the face of suffering." This is exactly what I need to do. and as I ponder, "I remember your ancient laws, O Lord, and I find comfort in them." (Psalm 119:52)

Remind me Lord, of your great glory, your power, love & omnipotence. Remind me of your faithfulness, and how you satisfy my thirst. You are my Light...."Light is sweet, and it pleases the eyes to see the sun." (Eccl. 11:7)

Expectation-2

A while ago, I wrote about expectations, the ones that people have for us, the ones we have for ourselves and ones we have about other people. But what about those expectations that you fight yourself not to have, the ones that you know better than to have, but yet somewhere inside you, when the expectation isn't filled, you realize that it was still there....though you tried to deny it.

It's like no matter what you do, there's always some expectation as to what will happen....either good or bad. Justified or not, your expectations are there, and get you excited or nervous or anxious or hesitant or whatever it is that you feel about an upcoming event or situation, and it just is what it is. So what do you try and do? Not get excited, or nervous, or anxious, or hesitant. You try really hard to tell yourself it's not a big deal, just calm down, take a breath...it's just whatever. But it seems to have an opposite effect. It's like if you tell yourself it's not a big deal, it really becomes one. You tell yourself not to get anxious, but then you do. If it's something not to worry about, somehow it worries you.

Then it happens. The day comes, the moment comes, and it's here. No more expectations, because what is IS, anticipation becomes anti-climactic. You find yourself rolling with the twists of the day, and pretty soon it's over. Done. All cleared up & you're through. And what of your expectations? Nothing. Except that somehow you feel like nothing really happened, and so then it comes to the surface that you really DID have expectations...yep, those you kept telling yourself you didn't have. Well, la-di-dah, they were there, and now you feel a little let down that you had those expectations and nothing really changed. Nothing for the worse, nothing for the better...just okay. And you're okay with that, honestly okay. But just okay. Not thrilled, not angry, just okay.

The next question is, how do you get past those feelings of expectation that you had, denied, felt, accepted & now are trying analyze? I guess that's where faith comes in...trying to see that the faith in Christ that you have, will come through again, taking those expectations & doing SOMETHING with them. Putting my expectations in my neat little packing boxes, under the shelf, and waiting to see what God has in store for the next day, or month, or year. Waiting to see what will develop, what wont, where he'll take you, where you'll stay, what you'll learn, what you'll wonder about, who you are and who you'll be. Expect something, expect nothing, but whatever you expect, expect that God will be there, when the expectations that you don't expect, leave you expecting something more....

When I can't feel You...

I haven't been writing recently, due to many things, but mainly it's because I really only write when I feel God trying to teach me something, or if there's a big revelation that has taken off some blinds.  There has been this wall that felt to me like it was growing wider & wider, keeping me from something, anything that had life in it.  I've been seeking this life, but it felt so distant, far away & unreachable.  Things kept coming at me that would make me to feel it, cut to my core & make me uncomfortable in where I was...unsatisfied.  Some of this unsatisfaction is a good thing, a good reminder that my life cannot be about me but about other people & helping others who can't help themselves.  Yet those twinges of sickness, about the depravity of abandoned children or sickened friends, came in highs & quickly would depart from my mind.  This is something that I noticed, and it seems that if loving is a lifestyle, there shouldn't be such drastic desires & then thoughts of nothing....right?  Anyway, I've been really loose in my quiet times with God, really not making it a priority, though in my mind it really is....yet actions say more than my thoughts ever will.  Once again, He has spoken to me through voices that surround me daily, friends who continually speak into my life....more than they may ever know.  Also, a song has given me the words I've forgotten to sing.

It says "There's a distance in the air and I cannot make it leave, I wave my arms' round about me and blow with all my might. I cannot sense you close, though I know you're always here, but the comfort of you near is what I long for. When I can't feel you, I have learned to reach out just the same, when I can't hear you, I know you still hear every word I pray. And I want you more than I want to live another day, and as I wait for you maybe I'm made more faithful."

You see, I haven't been faithful....to this amazing Father that has given me everlasting life & abundant joy, I have been the one to leave the way, to stray & forget that these relationships take lots of work.  Even when I get busy, there's gotta be time that is set apart to dwell in the goodness of Christ, his grace & peace.  Without seeing Him all around, I lose vision, passion & direction.  It's like driving in the dark, without lights....how will you learn to drive, let alone get anywhere without looking for the light?  

God, I need you now more than ever....Thank you for being the faithful God that you are, ever present & willing to hold me when I come back crying out for your mercy.  

Nothing to Say---

Do you ever have so much to say that you don't say anything? Can't say anything? Would rather shut up than say what you'd like to?

Are the thoughts so vivid & alarming that you shock yourself...or you think that no one would really understand? And you wonder if God is preparing you for yet one more thing while crying because you think that your last weekends memories were just that...preparing you for what happened yesterday?

Since I really have "nothing" to say....at least not here anyway (I just need some deep conversations with God right now)...I'll give you some verses that I've been thinking on.

"Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love & good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another --and all the more as you see the Day approaching." (Hebrews 10:23-25)

"Remember those earlier days after you had received the light, when you stood your ground in a great contest in the face of suffering. Sometimes you were publicly exposed to insult & persecution; at other times you stood side by side with those who were so treated. You sympathized with those in prison and joyfully accepted the confiscation of your property, because you knew that you yourselves had better and lasting possessions. So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded." (Hebrews 10:32-35)

This is the hope I hold onto. This is something I know to be true & evident in my life and in those around me. Let's encourage one another, though we suffer....let us remember Who Christ is...that is our hope.

Pure Joy!

Something caught my attention this week, causing me to ponder about happiness & joy. I thought...does happiness equal joy? No...but then what is the difference? Because I have joy, but not always happiness. Made me wonder. So I looked into our real joy...simply, it is a fruit that is grown by the Spirit inside of us. Among the other things that should grow abundantly: love, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness & self-control. (Galatians 5:22-23) For me, I think happiness is something that's a "perk" if you will...not a given. Joy however, is something we can find & maintain through sorrow or pain. Joy is that inner calm that connects the hope of our future with the desire for sustinence, which brings us the reminder of joy. Although "stuff" happens, there's something inside that keeps finding little things to delight in...and I can't take any of the credit, because it's not ME that brings those little things into my path. **Interjection, I read a quote this week "If you can't find joy along the path, don't expect to find it when you reach the end of the path."**"When my anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul." (Psalm 94:19) Christ is my consolation. He is my comforter & has provided me with a joy that will not be shaken. If I cling to this, Job's words in 6:10 will be my words as well..."Then I would still have this consolation--my joy in unrelenting pain--that I had not denied the words of the Holy One." I cannot say that I am always pure in my thoughts, or that I'm never angry or upset, but deep down I hold on to God as my anchor. Through this, my joy fuels my hope & my hope is enhanced by joy because I can trust that " They will enter Zion with singing; everlasting joy will crown their heads. Gladness and joy will overtake them, and sorrow and sighing will flee away." (Isaiah 35:10) Yay for Joy!

Frustrations & Faith

I can't speak, so I will let the thoughts in my head come out through the only truth I can grasp at this point. "Even today my complaint is bitter; his hand is heavy in spite of my groaning. If only I knew where to find him; if only I could go to his dwelling! I would state my case before him and fill my mouth with arguments. I would find out what he would answer me, and consider what he would say."--Job 23 (excerpts)I'm doing this today....feeling like "God, what is going on here?" You know me, and you know I'm a fixer, a thinker, an analyzing maniac .....what am I supposed to be learning through this? There is hope, I know that...I don't feel it right now, but I know there is....but where? What am I supposed to think, feel, grasp, say, etc.? "Lord, you have searched me and you know me....you perceive my thoughts from afar....you hem me in--behind and before; Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast."--Psalm 139:1-10 (excerpts) This gives me hope in knowing that no matter how frustrating or far I feel that I've gone, how deep my despair, He is still with me.....if I don't have words or emotions to express the way I feel or the things I'm thinking, He knows them & it's okay. When I don't even comprehend the thoughts & feelings flooding my eyes, He sees clearer than I ever will & understands."Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good." --Romans 12:21Remembering the goodness of Christ, the grace He has given, gives me hope for tomorrow and peace for today. Despite the storms that rage against me, He alone is my rock & my salvation. With Him, what can come against me? Though I may stumble & fall, He will lift me up with his righteous right hand & guide me in the paths of righteousness. He will provide for me & comfort me. Say what you need to say

Stand Forever

As I'm working today, the flowers on my desk are all withering away....when I brought back an empty vase, my friend said "Don't you wish they would last forever?" Then the verse from Isaiah came to me: "The grass withers and the flowers fall, but the word of our God stands forever." (Isaiah 40:8)

In life, there are things that leave us... beauty, wealth, strength, & power. God's word survives through it all. Flowers will die off, food will rot, clothes will wear, but God's word survives through it all. Tragedies happen, relationships fail, warriors are defeated, but God's word survives through it all.

"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." (Isaiah 41:10) God's word will sustain us, guide us, redeem us and heal us. He alone will give us strength to press forward, wisdom to judge clearly, discernment in difficult situations, peace when we are restless, and comfort when fear comes close.

"One thing I ask of the Lord, this is what I seek: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple. For in the day of trouble he will keep me safe in his dwelling; he will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle and set me high upon a rock." (Psalm 27:4-5) This is my prayer. May you join me in the beauty & love that is our God. He is the sustainer & creator of life. He will be our refuge & our hope. His love abounds to the edges of the earth & the depths of the sea.

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction & faithful in prayer." (Romans 12:12) Stay close to the father and unlike the flowers, you will not fade away.

Hope....and courage.

So today I visited an old (literally old, as in age) friend in the hospital. His whole being is an encouragement to each person that he knows. It is this kind of person that I hope to be someday...but seeing him in the hospital shook me back to the memories of my own grandfather in the hospital. Some of you didn't know me at that time, but it was a difficult time for me & my family. It was a deep time of uncertainty & disbelief. The quietness of the hospital room, being surrounded by a presence of peace & grace, yet shrouded with fear and pain. In the last few hours that I spent with my grandpa, I sang him some old hymns & read some scriptures...he was unresponsive for two weeks, yet when you held his hand he would squeeze so tight that you knew he understood my intentions were to show my love for him. Today, as I visited my friend, we prayed & he squeezed my hand the way my grandpa did...it brought tears out of my eyes, silently releasing the longing I still have to see my grandpa again. As I remember what God has told us & look back on how I have seen Him work, I know that through this, God IS STILL WITH US. Last night, I watched Martian Child, and the father says to the little boy who has been hurt, abused, abandoned & left behind, "I will never, ever, ever, ever, ever, EVER, ever....leave you." As the child embraces the man who he knows truly loves him more than anything, you get a sense that this is how God reaches out & comforts us amidst our pain. In Romans 8:28 it says "Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God." And Romans 8:38 says "So, what do you think? With God on our side like this, how can we lose? If God didn't hesitate to put everything on the line for us, embracing our condition and exposing himself to the worst by sending his own Son, is there anything else he wouldn't gladly and freely do for us? And who would dare tangle with God by messing with one of God's chosen? Who would dare even to point a finger? The One who died for us—who was raised to life for us!—is in the presence of God at this very moment sticking up for us. Do you think anyone is going to be able to drive a wedge between us and Christ's love for us? There is no way! Not trouble, not hard times, not hatred, not hunger, not homelessness, not bullying threats, not backstabbing, not even the worst sins listed in Scripture: They kill us in cold blood because they hate you. We're sitting ducks; they pick us off one by one.None of this fazes us because Jesus loves us. I'm absolutely convinced that nothing—nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable—absolutely nothing can get between us and God's love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us. Think on these things & be comforted knowing that though men & women die, leave us, move away or forget us, God will never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, EVER....leave us.