God's moving! ....and so am I!

Sometimes in life, God doesn’t always answer your prayers.....but sometimes He does! For the last twenty years, God has been lining things up that cause my heart to break for orphans, particularly in Romania...wanting to love on them, share with them the experience of being in a family, teach them about their worth in Christ and see them have experiences that orphans don’t normally get to have. Well my big news is that this next year, I am planning to move to Romania and become a house-Mom for six orphaned kids! There is so much joy in my heart as I type. I’m excited and nervous too. There will be much more information to come, but right now, I wanted to ask you to pray for the kids I will be loving on and pray for me as I prepare to go. :)

In preparing to leave on this new adventure, there are so many feelings rising to the top inside of my heart....excitement, anticipation, wonder, thankfulness, anxiousness, curiosity, sorrow, joy, and many more. It’s tough to be so excited about the promise of what could be, and yet hold the pain of leaving what is. I hope that each of my friends and family understand how much they are loved and will be missed, how much I value each of them and how much I hope to hear from them and share in this journey with them. I hope that I will leave you with good memories of our relationship, and that we can continue those relationships even if there are thousands of miles in between.

But....more than all the things “I” hope for this time, it is what GOD wants for this time that I’m most curious about. He has been doing so much in my heart, showing me that He is enough, that He is powerful and that He can use me right here, right now, in North Minneapolis each and every day.....He can also use me in a place that I’m not familiar with, that is new, that is far away and some place that only HE is my anchor.

This transition won’t be easy, and however long I’m in Romania I’m sure will bring many joys and hard times as well, but as I go with God into what He is doing in these kids’ lives already, I’m excited to see what will be the fruit.

I’m going to keep blogging, as many of you have been following throughout the past few years, and want to keep you updated on what is happening on the other side of the globe. I’m also going to need support.....prayer, encouragement, financial, letters, etc. It would be great to have you along with me in the ride. It’s going to be a great journey, that is for sure. :)

Parties & Prayer

Last night, I stood still, amidst hundreds of students all proclaiming their praise & confession to the Lord.  We prayed for those who are lost, seeking & struggling.  For those who do not yet know Truth.  Outside the building where we gathered, a deep pounding surged through to our ears, just across the street were parties, with probably the same amount of students, but not gathered for the same purpose.  They were there, doing whatever felt right to satisfy them for the moment.  But at the end of the night, where would they end up?  I met a few who wandered through our doors after the evening had ended.  They were looking for something.....it didn't matter what, they just wanted to be a part of something.  While talking with them, my heart ached for them to be a part of our family...of God's family.  If only they could understand that they mattered, that God loved them, that we loved them, and that there was purpose for their life.

"Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and YOU WILL FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light." (Matthew 11:28-30)

The seeking, searching, aching and dizzying path of these students compels me to pray that someday soon they can understand fully the grace of God that has been extended towards them, and that there is a way of peace & joy, found only in the Lord.  Will you join me in this prayer?

www.pulsemovement.com

Dressed in Striped Pajamas

Tonight I was sick....slightly, but feeling not quite myself just the same.  I knew I wanted to blog tonight, since much has been floating around my mind, but it wasn't until just this moment that I really knew what I wanted to say.


This month I'm going on a journey of prayer journaling....and before I began writing tonight, I wanted to "relax" and watch a movie. Well I chose the movie "Boy in Striped Pajama's".  If you've seen it, you know that it leaves you feeling very sad, sad for the world, for the boy, for the times when we just don't know any better.... and it makes me want to pray.


"Trust in Him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge." (Psalm 62:8) If you know anything about the holocaust, you know that there were many, many people who cried out to God, seeking His help, protection, wisdom & mercy. God wants us to do this, to pour out our hearts to him when we are scared, ashamed, unsure & hurting.  He will protect us, though sometimes He protects our hearts & souls over our earthly bodies.

We know this is true, that God desires to hold us in his Hands, and that He will answer us and come to us because of what Christ testified by his mouth..."'Then Jesus said to them, “Suppose you have a friend, and you go to him at midnight and say, ‘Friend, lend me three loaves of bread; a friend of mine on a journey has come to me, and I have no food to offer him.’ And suppose the one inside answers, ‘Don’t bother me. The door is already locked, and my children and I are in bed. I can’t get up and give you anything.’ I tell you, even though he will not get up and give you the bread because of friendship, yet because of your shameless audacity he will surely get up and give you as much as you need.  So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.  Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!”'

And yet, sometimes we have to walk through horrendous situations.  The people of the holocaust were thrust into something they had little to no control over, they were tortured, beaten, starved, mocked and killed for just daring to live as people that Christ created them to be.  Many of them lost hope, feeling abandoned....but still there were some, like Corrie Ten Boom who saw her situation in the prison camps, as a time that she could tell others about God & his mercy. She understood what is written about in 2 Corinthians 2:14 where it says "But thanks be to God, who always leads us as captives in Christ's triumphal procession and uses us to spread the aroma of the knowledge of him everywhere."  She, being lead as a captive into a place shrouded by death, held to her faith and overcame the smell of flesh with the fragrance of everlasting life.  ..... A faith like that deserves pause. ..... A faith like that, is one to make you wonder about the God who calls a witness like her out...He is a mighty God, a faithful God, an everlasting God.

Finally, as we seek him, praise him, confess our fears and hopes to him, we will see...maybe not today, but one day we will see...what His glorious plans for our lives will be.  It is then and on our journey to that end, that we can joyfully sing with David through Psalms 30:11-12, "You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing your praises and not be silent. LORD my God, I will praise you forever." Amen.

Prayer Journaling in March!!

So I'm going to do something new this month, and would love any of you to join me! For the next four weeks of March(starting next Wednesday), I will be choosing one verse from each of the sections below and using those verses to help me in my prayers. Then I'll write here which verses I chose, and if I had any thoughts or prayer requests or answered prayers! SO....why don't you join me? Let's do this together. Choose verses from the list below or ones you can find on your own, and then post your thoughts as comments! (and if you want to start posting now, let me know that you're going to do this, and if there are prayer requests!) Yay! I'm excited to pray with you!

ADORATION: Hebrews 13:15, Psalm 22:27, 1 Chronicles 16:25, Psalm 30:11-12, Psalm 75:5-6,14, Ephesians 1:3

CONFESSION: Romans 3:23, James 5:16, Psalm 51:1, 1 John 1:9, Psalm 62:8, Psalm 32:5

THANKSGIVING: 1 Chronicles 16:34-36, Daniel 2:23, 1 Timothy 1:12, 1 Timothy 4:4, Psalm 75:1, Psalm 106:1, 1 Corinthians 15:57, 2 Corinthians 2:14, 1 Thessalonians 5:18

SUPPLICATION: Jeremiah 17:14, Luke 11:5-13, Matthew 17:14-20, Matthew 26:39, Matthew 7:7-11, Jeremiah 29:13, Matthew 15:22-28

Never stop waiting for God

Well how do I begin to tell you just how amazed I am each day that I am alive, at the miraculous & strange ways in which our God works?  Most days it's mundane, some days slightly boring. But occasionally, and more often than I would admit to enjoy, I get an unusual & exciting adventure.  The last few days has been an occasion of that sort.

In the middle of a weekend night, I was startled with a call that my home had been broken into. Despite my prayers, my computer & external hard drives were stolen.  To some, this would merely mean a few lost papers, maybe some pictures or your running music.  To me....it was all the photos from my travels, the family pictures of my now lost mother, the memories of clients' babies & vows. The horror devastated me.  It was ironic in the ways that I had been telling people how my neighborhood was "just fine," and how I had just read about how in David's painful or frightened waiting he found ways to praise God.

I sat stunned, lost, robbed & unsure of the future. The Lord reminded me to trust Him & not in the things I had lost. It was an understood message, one I "knew" but didn't enjoy knowing.  But still, the praise was needed to Him.....so I thanked Him for keeping Lisa & I away from home that night because we were SAFE, I thanked Him for clean robbers because our home wasn't TRASHED, I thanked Him for grace because my clients were FORGIVING. All these things to be thankful for. Yes, I was angry at what had been done, but thankful for God's protection....I still had a home to sleep in.

My friends at church prayed for me. I'm sure many people did. For protection still, and also that something would turn up. Monday was the worst. It hit me that I would never see those photos again, that someone had been in my house, taken valuables from me, probably sold them, had probably watched me for a while & might be back. The Bible study I'm in helped to take away those thoughts that evening though.....through prayer & some late night fellowship I celebrated the people who surrounded me & the God who provided them.

Monday evening, my brother came back to my house so I did not have to be alone. He let me log-in online with his computer (since mine obviously was "out of service"). Trying to get online I realized that the thieves had also stolen my router. Dumb. I figured it out though, and went to Facebook to update some folks.  Right away, I saw that I had a friend request & an email from the same person who was unknown to me.  Opening the email, my disbelief was stretched.  A man told me that he had purchased a computer that weekend, and after he opened it up & looked around, he noticed that the "brand new" computer he bought was really some one else's....mine. He had found my computer! But the best was yet to come--he wanted to GIVE IT BACK!

Wait....what? Give it back? No questions asked?  He said he understood what it felt like to have things taken, and that he wanted me to have it back.  Tonight....I sit here, writing this story, as I sit in front of my previously stolen computer.

The last few months, the ponderings of what God requires of us....of me....has been on my mind.  And this story cannot hide the fact that this is God's love lived out in action.  This guy, innocently bought a computer, discovered there was something wrong and gave it back, without expecting anything in return, trusting God that this is what He would require of him. I think this is SUCH an awesome example.  Trusting in God, waiting on Him to provide, to protect, to restore & to renew a hope in His awesome love.

My life never ceases to amaze me....and neither does my God.

Heights

Just some thoughts as I prepare to head out...."As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God." (Psalm 42:1)....through my searching, I ask..."Ah, Sovereign LORD," I said, "I do not know how to speak; I am only a child." (Jeremiah 1:6)...today, this is how I'm feeling.  Where will the Lord meet me on this trip, where will he be silent & teach me to wait? I feel & know that I have so much to learn, and each day offers plenty of opportunity.....yet I am only a child, I do not always know where to seek, or where to find.

I find promise in Psalms 18:33 where it says "He makes my feet like the feet of a deer; he enables me to stand on the heights." Heights can be conquered by hard work. I've never known anyone (except one of the native Everest peoples) to be able to climb a mountain easily.  It takes steadfastness, determination, skill & vulnerability. But here, David talks about God as the giver of feet like a deer, easily able to climb & reach the heights from the depths.

This next week, hiking up mountains, kayaking through rivers, I will try to remember this....that though the rains pour, the storms come, there are heights to be reached again, and God is the one who gives us the ability to reach them.

Let's journey together, to see what heights are set before us!

Hands that shaped the world

This weekend, God knew that I needed to hear from Him. Softly though, I needed Him. As I left my house, I was surrounded by piles of raked leaves....evidence that I did yard work last fall...and did not complete it before winter. The thought that I needed someone to tell me DO THIS was in my mind....if only someone could come along & help me to actually DO something, I might actually complete this work at last.  I arrived at church and I sat still & silent, waiting to see how God would speak.  For some reason too, I wanted to see a particular friend. I didn't know why, but the desire was there to see her.

This is how He softly came. As I turned to leave the sanctuary, I stopped to say hello to a friend.  Over her shoulder, I looked & saw tightly wound curls....my friend, who I wanted to see so badly, was at my church (not her church) and was walking towards me. How could she know that that particular Sunday she would be such a blessing to sore, aching eyes. As we spoke and laughed, another lady approached me saying "I know how hard it can be to do housework if you don't have someone there to motivate you to just do it." I was totally blown away & amazed. She told me to call her and that she would help. I loved that Sunday.

Last night, as I drove across the city, my radio loud, a song came across that meant so much to me in that place.  There is such simplistic truth here, so as much as I would try to describe it, I will allow the words to speak for themselves. Below are the lyrics, and a YouTube link so you can hear it as well.

I have unanswered prayers, I have trouble I wish wasn't there, And I have asked a thousand ways, That You would take my pain away, That You would take my pain away

I am trying to understand, How to walk this weary land, Make straight the paths that crookedly lie, Oh Lord, before these feet of mine, Oh Lord, before these feet of mine

When my world is shaking, Heaven stands, When my heart is breaking, I never leave Your hands

When You walked upon the Earth, You healed the broken, lost, and hurt, I know You hate to see me cry
One day You will set all things right, Yea, one day You will set all things right

When my world is shaking, Heaven stands, When my heart is breaking, I never leave Your hands

Your hands, Your hands that shape the world, Are holding me, they hold me still, Your hands that shape the world, Are holding me, they hold me still

When my world is shaking, Heaven stands, When my heart is breaking, I never leave You when...

When my world is shaking, Heaven stands, When my heart is breaking, I never leave...I never leave Your hands.

Miracle Worker

The sky today seems teary eyed...welling up with tears that may never come. My tears are the same some days....they are there, but do not break free from the comfort within my eyes.  Tears can be hot with anger, cold with grief, salty with sadness, or refreshing with joy. ....and the ones that come today are the kind that fill emptiness with gratefulness.

Last week, there was fear....this week God came near. My mom was in the hospital, waiting for another result to come back...and was expecting the now normal response of "it didn't work....we'll try again." Needless to say this is a frustrating & often crushing blow that sets my whole family back into questioning what will be next. The doctors were not pleased, and told my mom this. Why, I don't know...but they were predicting, and wanted to prepare her for what was inevitable. Anyway, the doctor came into the room last Monday (the morning after 40 of us had prayed & cried out to God for her healing), and said "This is unexplainable....but your blast numbers are down to 3%....this shouldn't have happened according to your last results.....I don't understand it. We'll be sending it back to Mayo to double check." We all felt that we had witnessed a miracle....3% blasts means she's technically in remission! And after the double-check, the numbers were proved correct. What a praise!  The prayer now, is that the 3% blasts stays there, and her white blood count will climb to normal levels....join us in this prayer, please!

The week before, there was also an unexplainable incident. Because of the seemingly constant hospital stays that my mom has endured, my dad has also had to endure phone calls from hospitals & such, to pay the overwhelming six-digit bills that keep coming. His responsibility had added up to about $47,000.  He also had received another phone message, telling him to call the hospital about that bill, right away. Well, he started to pray & cry out to God. There is no way that our family will be able to pay this amount, and we need help to make this happen. It's enough to worry about your mother/wife in the hospital, without having to wonder where the money will come from to keep her in good health. So after an evening of sleeping & praying through his concern, he somewhat hesitatingly called the hospital. When the man answered the phone & confirmed the amount owed, the man then simply stated "Okay, we just took care of that."

Yep. All $47,000.....done, paid for, wiped off the tab.

All I can say, is that God is definitely a miracle worker. I've seen it this week, and I've seen it all through my life. The miracles don't come every time we want them, or when we would expect them....they come in His good timing, in his pleasure, to give us pleasure, and to show us His power & glory. He is Good. Very good. Just thought I'd share.

Opening the Way to Walk with God

"The way to God is by the Savior's death. The way to walk with God is to be set apart by the Savior's life." Leviticus is a book about holiness. To some, the book of Leviticus is known as a priest's manual, the intricate how-to's of sacrifices, offerings and prayers. The point of these rituals however, was to allow people to remain close to God. These sacrifices were a way to set themselves apart from others, and to recognize the holiness of the God we serve.

For our cry to reach God, however; there needed to be a sacrifice...a holy sacrifice. Once a year, a high priest would enter the Holy of Holies to offer a sacrifice on behalf of him and the nation. This was a special honor that was only for one called by God. God himself would choose a high priest, the one to go between Him and the people. In Hebrews, it tells how God did this with Jesus..."The Lord has sworn and will not change his mind: 'You are a priest forever.' Because of this oath, Jesus has become the guarantee of a better covenant.

"Now there have been many of those priests, since death prevented them from continuing in office; but because Jesus lives forever, he has a permanent priesthood. Therefore he is able to save completely those who come to God through him, because he always lives to intercede for them.

"Such a high priest meets our need—one who is holy, blameless, pure, set apart from sinners, exalted above the heavens. Unlike the other high priests, he does not need to offer sacrifices day after day, first for his own sins, and then for the sins of the people. He sacrificed for their sins once for all when he offered himself. For the law appoints as high priests men who are weak; but the oath, which came after the law, appointed the Son, who has been made perfect forever." (Hebrews 7:21b-28)

Our Savior's life was truly perfect and holy in the sight of God..."Nothing in all creation is hidden from God's sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account. Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin." (Hebrews 4:13-15)

Holiness as a characteristic would be someone who is recognized or declared sacred by religious use or authority...someone devoted to or set apart for the service of God. In Leviticus, the sacrifices of the priests were not to be the redeeming power bringing someone to God, but served as the outward and humbling act of a life committed to being set apart for the worship and service of God.

Now, as we seek to live a life that is set apart for God, one that is distinctly covered by the sacrificial blood of Christ, we can trust that God hears our prayers. There is now an avenue to call on our Father to hear us and guide us. We know that He will be with us forever, and will walk with us forever in an open relationship made possible by the priestly sacrifice of Jesus Christ. Some days however, we still do not know how to call out to the Father for help. It is then, as always, the Holy Spirit is present to intercede on our behalf. As Romans 8:25-27 says, "But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will."

When we put our faith in Jesus Christ, He carries our prayers and petitions before our God. He enters the Holy of Holies on our behalf and pleads for us. Through this is the redemption of our sin, and the way to stay in a close relationship to our Heavenly Father.

Being confident in this, "We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain, where Jesus, who went before us, has entered on our behalf. He has become a high priest forever, in the order of Melchizedek." (Hebrews 6:19-20)

Praise God for sending us a perfect and holy sacrifice, one who can serve as a High Priest that brings us into an open relationship with the God of the universe. He is worthy to be praised.

Bunches of Goodness

This morning, I'm sitting here, jumping for joy on the inside, bursting with something. It's like...the last few days have been SO good, SO much better than previous ones. Yet what I know to be true is that despite the amazing things that have been happening around me & the fun things I've been doing, it's not THAT that is supplying my energy. It is the in-explainable joy that comes from knowing that my future & freedom is all in God's hands.

Paul prayed that this would happen for us, "so that Christ may dwell in (our) hearts through faith. And (he) prayed that (we) being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide & long & high & deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge--that (we) may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God." --Ephesians 3:17-19

...and we know that this prayer would be answered because "The prayer of a righteous man is powerful & effective." --James 5:16b It is effective, and felt beyond the realm of time. How would Paul know that we would need this prayer so much? He helps us to realize that the power of the Holy Spirit will meet us where we are through those who pray for us when he writes in 2 Corinthians 9:14, "and in their prayers for you, their heart will go out to you because of the surpassing grace God has given you."

God is answering their prayer, and giving us a bold & fresh faith. One that is not easily overcome. Still, knowing that we have this power through Him, we must hear him & open the doors to our heart, so that we can be cleansed & prepared to defend our faith to those who come with questions & challenge us. "But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect," --1 Peter 3:15

We can be confident that the prayers of the righteous will be fulfilled by God, & that we can walk in that confidence because we "Know therefore that the LORD your God is God; he is the faithful God, keeping his covenant of love to a thousand generations of those who love him and keep his commands." --Deuteronomy 7:9

Walk in boldness, gather all the confident joy you can muster from the bunches of ways that God pours out his goodness through his Grace, as answers to the prayers of many and rejoice in Him.

Leaving Shortly....

Buna Dimineata! Good Morning!

Thank you for all of your support over the past few years, while learning, serving, working & growing in Romania. You have been part of this from the beginning, some of you even since my brother was first adopted from Romania back in 1992! Well once again, myself & 5 others (including my brother), will be traveling to Romania to work with Gypsies, Un-wed mothers, Elderly & Street Children.

Many things here have seemed to keep us from going back, but finally God miraculously lined everything up for us to GO. Since my brother’s adoption, the Romanian people have laid heavy on my heart, and being able to bring other people into what God is already doing there is wonderful. Even YOU are being brought into this ministry, serving with prayer, encouragement & some of you by giving.

These are things we would ask prayer for—

--Open hearts: May OUR hearts be open to seeing God already at work in Romania, and how He would work through us to share HIS love.

--Flexibility: Things in Romania have a tendency to change…pray that we’ll “go with it” and follow where God takes us.

--Teamwork: Pray that we can complement each other and use each of our individual gifts to support one another.

--Rest: We will be working in extremely draining emotional situations, pray that we are able to find physical as well as mental rest so we can operate with full steam!

--Compassion: Some of the people we’ll be serving are hardened people, we need to have compassionate hearts to persevere & have persistent love.

I have been miraculously blessed to have raised all of the financial support that I need, however some of my team members are still a few hundred short. We are leaving August 26^th and will be in Romania for 10 days. If you would like to help financially at all, please write a check to Northridge Fellowship-Romanian Mission & mail to Northridge Fellowship, P. O. Box 544 Rogers, MN 55374.

I would love to talk with any of you about this further, either over coffee or a meal. There are so many ways to get involved, so please remember each of us as you pray during our time in Romania. You will surely be doing battle for us!

Thank you for partnering and God bless!

---Alissa

Purpose

You know, I’ve been told to grow where you’re planted….find out why God has you wherever you are…just go with it. And I’m trying, I really am. It’s hard though, when some days you yearn for so much more. You see a window opening, and when you try to go through, you find out it’s just REALLY clean glass…it’s not open for you. Sorry. Finding purpose in where you are, is so difficult. Why am I here, and not there. Why is this person my friend instead of someone else? Where can I feel so needed in some place, and such a good fit, and then not be allowed in?

I know that God’s purposes are so much greater & better than any that I could come up with….but greater & better also might suggest that they’re more complicated & intricate, meaning they have more possibilities of being not just GOOD but also DIFFICULT. Interweaving desires, gifts, locations, social community & situations….they all come together in some great purpose that I don’t understand. It probably won’t make sense to me either….until it’s done.

But sometimes, it’s like…you pray for something, and then when that prayer is answered, but not the way you wanted it to be, it’s like DARN! I didn’t want THAT. …like when in NY I prayed for humility….and left in a really bad way, that made me say…. “yep, I don’t always know what’s right.” And now, I’m praying for God to use me….and then get a door shut in one area, and realize that He probably saying… “I want to use you HERE, not THERE.” Sick. It makes me sad, …and I think that’s okay. I can be sad for a bit, as long as I hold on to the understanding that I can’t give up. Now, it just means that I need to renew my focus of trying to bless people in every situation….whether the circumstances are happy or sad. Nothing can be better than what God has for us…yet there are probably some things that would be more fun. Until then…I’ll just keep trusting that I’m here for a purpose….

To wrap up, here’s a quote from Martin Luther King Jr. “If a man is called to be a street sweeper, he should sweep streets even as Michelangelo painted, or Beethoven composed music, or Shakespeare wrote poetry. He should sweep streets so well that all the hosts of heaven and earth will pause to say, here lived a great street sweeper who did his job well.”

Battlestations

If you've seen my status the last few days, you may have wondered what my battlestations I was manning. Well, let me tell you a little bit of history, and then what recently I was fighting so strongly against.

A few years ago, living in NY, I was awakened to the human trafficking & underground prostitution happening right on my streets & in my community. Someone I met through church, actually lived in the same building as a brothel. I started having dreams of seeing women crying out for help, and when I'd go to get others to come help me save them, no one would come. I would then (in my dream) get frustrated & just go to help them myself. Over the next few months & year, I was drawn to books telling of the horrors of human trafficking & prostitution, and the plight of young women who are captured into this trade. There was even a small child who I had met in Romania, who suddenly was in the grasp of being sold into mob prostitution at the age of 4! God saved her from this, but the fact that it was the intent of people in power to do this to such an innocent child broke my heart.

Last fall, I was introduced to a group in Saint Paul, that go directly to women who are stuck on the streets, surviving in this trade, and gives them hope of a rescue. They provide housing, counseling, rehab & discipleship. The men who solicit these services also are taught the affect their activity has on the woman's life & soul. It's a comprehensive, in-depth ministry.

Last week, they let us know that a club in Minneapolis, Karma, was hosting a "Cross County Pimpin Bash". You probably won't believe what I'm about to say, but they actually planned to show training videos to guys, on how to control women, how to dress them, how to get them into the business, etc. **insert shocked silence** ....yeah, for real. This was also going to be a recruiting night to try & get girls into prostitution. Can we say illegal? So, they had a protest, outside the club (you know I'm always looking to be out loud about stuff), and I went with some friends. There was probably about 40 people there, and we just talked to people on the street, held signs & did some loud shouting, and lots of praying...it was an experience. I think in the two hours that we were there, only four people still decided to go in! Wow. Even the bouncers were telling people that they might as well not come in, because it wasn't worth it, no one was there!

We also saw the pimps who were putting this on, and who had made the videos...and they were videotaping US! I was a little unnerved by this...who knows what they'll use it for. We did get a few opportunities to talk to them though, and also to some of the bouncers working the door. They, as well as many other cab drivers, locals & various others, were taking the time to read our signs, ask questions & think about what was going on. God really used this as an opportunity to tell people what is really going on in our communities!

This is real people, don't be naive & think that this stuff only happens in the BIG cities like Las Vegas, LA & New York...it's big HERE, and whether you choose to acknowledge it or not, it's a huge problem, and cuff that is holding our city captive. We must pray that Satan would loose his grip on the women & men that have been trapped in this lie.

When I can't feel You...

I haven't been writing recently, due to many things, but mainly it's because I really only write when I feel God trying to teach me something, or if there's a big revelation that has taken off some blinds.  There has been this wall that felt to me like it was growing wider & wider, keeping me from something, anything that had life in it.  I've been seeking this life, but it felt so distant, far away & unreachable.  Things kept coming at me that would make me to feel it, cut to my core & make me uncomfortable in where I was...unsatisfied.  Some of this unsatisfaction is a good thing, a good reminder that my life cannot be about me but about other people & helping others who can't help themselves.  Yet those twinges of sickness, about the depravity of abandoned children or sickened friends, came in highs & quickly would depart from my mind.  This is something that I noticed, and it seems that if loving is a lifestyle, there shouldn't be such drastic desires & then thoughts of nothing....right?  Anyway, I've been really loose in my quiet times with God, really not making it a priority, though in my mind it really is....yet actions say more than my thoughts ever will.  Once again, He has spoken to me through voices that surround me daily, friends who continually speak into my life....more than they may ever know.  Also, a song has given me the words I've forgotten to sing.

It says "There's a distance in the air and I cannot make it leave, I wave my arms' round about me and blow with all my might. I cannot sense you close, though I know you're always here, but the comfort of you near is what I long for. When I can't feel you, I have learned to reach out just the same, when I can't hear you, I know you still hear every word I pray. And I want you more than I want to live another day, and as I wait for you maybe I'm made more faithful."

You see, I haven't been faithful....to this amazing Father that has given me everlasting life & abundant joy, I have been the one to leave the way, to stray & forget that these relationships take lots of work.  Even when I get busy, there's gotta be time that is set apart to dwell in the goodness of Christ, his grace & peace.  Without seeing Him all around, I lose vision, passion & direction.  It's like driving in the dark, without lights....how will you learn to drive, let alone get anywhere without looking for the light?  

God, I need you now more than ever....Thank you for being the faithful God that you are, ever present & willing to hold me when I come back crying out for your mercy.  

Finding--

So today, I being "thoughtful." No, I don't mean to be praising myself for being so nice to people around me, I'm probably being really bad at that today. But I mean I'm thinking about a lot of things. And when that happens, the smallest of those things can send me into a thought clear across the universe, with emotions that can feel out of this world. I was writing on Julie's wall today, and I saw on "wall-to-wall" that I had laughed about how we knew each other. I couldn't find where that information was, and so I thought....maybe if I search for her like a random friend search, it'll say that! Well, when I tried to do that, it said there was no Julie Steiskal. I tried again, spelled it different, it wouldn't let me find her. Even in MY friends, I couldn't pull up her name! I got a little panicked....and yes, i still can't find her that way, but I'm not panicked anymore.

So it got me thinking about searching for God. I really need Him now more than ever. Particularly today. Something is working in me, and I feel so close to the edge. You know when you're driving on a road where the tar is about 6" higher than the gravel curb, and when you get close to the edge you can feel your car being pulled over. You struggle to keep it on, and when you're right on the edge it's like "come on, come on...don't go over." Well, I feel like that. I feel like I'm right on the edge & I could go over, but I'm still holding on...by God's grace, I'm still holding on.

God says "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." (Jeremiah 29:13) I am trying to seek with my heart, but some days I don't know how. "In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express." (Romans 8:26) This is what I'm trusting in....that the Spirit will take my unconscious prayers to the throne of God. "You said, 'Woe to me! The LORD has added sorrow to my pain; I am worn out with groaning and find no rest.' " (Jeremiah 45:3) Sometimes this is how I think, and I don't want to think this way, so I pray "May your unfailing love rest upon us, O LORD, even as we put our hope in you." (Psalm 33:22)

Just a few things to search for...a renewed strength, a fresh mind, a conscious faith & passionate soul.

"Seeing"--a Miracle

Last night, I was blessed to be able to see & hear from missionary friends who are visiting the States to share their ministry! I was so inspired by one of their stories that I wanted to share it here in the hopes that you too will be inspired to see how BIG God is, and how he pulls out all stops when He wants to show His power. Okay, so enough pre-story, here is the meat of it! Alright, so Doug & Roberta Moore, live with the thought "There will never be enough time, money, staff, etc. So we just have to do what we can with what we have & the Lord will provide more when we need it." (So humbling & inspiring.) One night, visiting a small Romanian church, a lady got up to share a scripture with the church (this is a normal part of the service where attenders are able to share a song or scripture or thought to the congregation, without any notice)...the older lady borrowed her friend's glasses, read the scripture, sat back down & gave back the glasses. Roberta sees this & happens to have a donated pair of glasses in her purse! She passed the pair down to the lady & by God's grace, it matched the lady's vision needs! Of course after the service, Roberta was surrounded by people asking if they had a pair for them too! She & Doug immediately "saw" the need for more glasses & went about collecting donations. They setup a day at this church when people could come & find glasses from the almost 300 that were donated. Doug & Roberta know nothing about prescriptions, so for all the people that came, they simply handed them pair after pair of glasses, asking "does this help? how about this one?" until they found a pair that worked for them! At the end of the day, ALL the people who had stopped by had left with glasses! All that was left were two pairs of glasses & a bag of "spare parts." Doug & Roberta praised God that all those people had been blessed with sight & that God has so miraculously provided it to ALL the people! They began packing up when suddenly, the front door opened & two more ladies walked in looking for glasses. Doug said "well, we only have two pairs left" but the ladies wanted to try. They put the first pair on one of the ladies, and it amazingly was just the right prescription!! To the second lady, they said..."I'm sorry, but this second pair only has one lens," and after trying it on, even the one lens didn't seem to help. They felt terrible to see this lady walk away, the only one without glasses! Then they remembered the bag of spare parts. They called the woman back and after some crafty work & piecing together, they were able to make a pair of glasses that not only fit, but helped her see!! PRAISE GOD! Again, Doug & Roberta were amazed that God was able to help ALL the people & have just a little left over. Again, as they were packing up, the door opened. This time, a man walked through, apologizing for being late, but that he couldn't come sooner because of work. They told him "I'm sorry, the only pair we have left is this pair with only one lens!" To that, he responded ----"THAT'S OKAY, I ONLY HAVE ONE EYE!"----God is amazing, not only did he provide for all the people, but he provided WELL for them, knowing just what prescriptions to be brought in to Doug & Roberta, for the exact people who would walk through that church door. If you don't believe in this God, it's sad, because of how much Joy he brings & how powerful He is. This is simply breathtaking....don't you want to love this God?

One More Day

Life, as strange & bitter as it is, never ceases to surprise me with new & harsh feelings. The cruel end of world, life & death, beginnings & the end….they shock & rattle the depths of my soul. Searching for the light that guides me, the peace that only Christ can provide, the joy that is my hope, the comfort that I can only sometimes feel….God is here, in a new perspective. While I grieve, and cry, yearn & ache…..He watches me. The Lord is my hope; He is my strength when I have none. I am confident & comforted in knowing that when I do not understand the emotions of my heart or the ache of my heart, or how I am supposed to go on, He knows the depth of my soul. Christ has met me there; He is there right now, in my future, in our future….. Pain and life consume every waking movement, each moment that I am here. Knowing that there is a future for me, He is the one who gives purpose, who calls us each to our own end. Though the pain is present, the hope is healing. I’m trying not to be overrun by the grief, but encouraged to live my life in a new way, a better way, a more vibrant way….a way that Christ would ask from me. A life that will give, love, share, encourage, rejoice & LIVE to the fullest extent of Christ’s love as humanly possible.

Hope....and courage.

So today I visited an old (literally old, as in age) friend in the hospital. His whole being is an encouragement to each person that he knows. It is this kind of person that I hope to be someday...but seeing him in the hospital shook me back to the memories of my own grandfather in the hospital. Some of you didn't know me at that time, but it was a difficult time for me & my family. It was a deep time of uncertainty & disbelief. The quietness of the hospital room, being surrounded by a presence of peace & grace, yet shrouded with fear and pain. In the last few hours that I spent with my grandpa, I sang him some old hymns & read some scriptures...he was unresponsive for two weeks, yet when you held his hand he would squeeze so tight that you knew he understood my intentions were to show my love for him. Today, as I visited my friend, we prayed & he squeezed my hand the way my grandpa did...it brought tears out of my eyes, silently releasing the longing I still have to see my grandpa again. As I remember what God has told us & look back on how I have seen Him work, I know that through this, God IS STILL WITH US. Last night, I watched Martian Child, and the father says to the little boy who has been hurt, abused, abandoned & left behind, "I will never, ever, ever, ever, ever, EVER, ever....leave you." As the child embraces the man who he knows truly loves him more than anything, you get a sense that this is how God reaches out & comforts us amidst our pain. In Romans 8:28 it says "Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God." And Romans 8:38 says "So, what do you think? With God on our side like this, how can we lose? If God didn't hesitate to put everything on the line for us, embracing our condition and exposing himself to the worst by sending his own Son, is there anything else he wouldn't gladly and freely do for us? And who would dare tangle with God by messing with one of God's chosen? Who would dare even to point a finger? The One who died for us—who was raised to life for us!—is in the presence of God at this very moment sticking up for us. Do you think anyone is going to be able to drive a wedge between us and Christ's love for us? There is no way! Not trouble, not hard times, not hatred, not hunger, not homelessness, not bullying threats, not backstabbing, not even the worst sins listed in Scripture: They kill us in cold blood because they hate you. We're sitting ducks; they pick us off one by one.None of this fazes us because Jesus loves us. I'm absolutely convinced that nothing—nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable—absolutely nothing can get between us and God's love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us. Think on these things & be comforted knowing that though men & women die, leave us, move away or forget us, God will never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, EVER....leave us.