God's moving! ....and so am I!

Sometimes in life, God doesn’t always answer your prayers.....but sometimes He does! For the last twenty years, God has been lining things up that cause my heart to break for orphans, particularly in Romania...wanting to love on them, share with them the experience of being in a family, teach them about their worth in Christ and see them have experiences that orphans don’t normally get to have. Well my big news is that this next year, I am planning to move to Romania and become a house-Mom for six orphaned kids! There is so much joy in my heart as I type. I’m excited and nervous too. There will be much more information to come, but right now, I wanted to ask you to pray for the kids I will be loving on and pray for me as I prepare to go. :)

In preparing to leave on this new adventure, there are so many feelings rising to the top inside of my heart....excitement, anticipation, wonder, thankfulness, anxiousness, curiosity, sorrow, joy, and many more. It’s tough to be so excited about the promise of what could be, and yet hold the pain of leaving what is. I hope that each of my friends and family understand how much they are loved and will be missed, how much I value each of them and how much I hope to hear from them and share in this journey with them. I hope that I will leave you with good memories of our relationship, and that we can continue those relationships even if there are thousands of miles in between.

But....more than all the things “I” hope for this time, it is what GOD wants for this time that I’m most curious about. He has been doing so much in my heart, showing me that He is enough, that He is powerful and that He can use me right here, right now, in North Minneapolis each and every day.....He can also use me in a place that I’m not familiar with, that is new, that is far away and some place that only HE is my anchor.

This transition won’t be easy, and however long I’m in Romania I’m sure will bring many joys and hard times as well, but as I go with God into what He is doing in these kids’ lives already, I’m excited to see what will be the fruit.

I’m going to keep blogging, as many of you have been following throughout the past few years, and want to keep you updated on what is happening on the other side of the globe. I’m also going to need support.....prayer, encouragement, financial, letters, etc. It would be great to have you along with me in the ride. It’s going to be a great journey, that is for sure. :)

Dressed in Striped Pajamas

Tonight I was sick....slightly, but feeling not quite myself just the same.  I knew I wanted to blog tonight, since much has been floating around my mind, but it wasn't until just this moment that I really knew what I wanted to say.


This month I'm going on a journey of prayer journaling....and before I began writing tonight, I wanted to "relax" and watch a movie. Well I chose the movie "Boy in Striped Pajama's".  If you've seen it, you know that it leaves you feeling very sad, sad for the world, for the boy, for the times when we just don't know any better.... and it makes me want to pray.


"Trust in Him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge." (Psalm 62:8) If you know anything about the holocaust, you know that there were many, many people who cried out to God, seeking His help, protection, wisdom & mercy. God wants us to do this, to pour out our hearts to him when we are scared, ashamed, unsure & hurting.  He will protect us, though sometimes He protects our hearts & souls over our earthly bodies.

We know this is true, that God desires to hold us in his Hands, and that He will answer us and come to us because of what Christ testified by his mouth..."'Then Jesus said to them, “Suppose you have a friend, and you go to him at midnight and say, ‘Friend, lend me three loaves of bread; a friend of mine on a journey has come to me, and I have no food to offer him.’ And suppose the one inside answers, ‘Don’t bother me. The door is already locked, and my children and I are in bed. I can’t get up and give you anything.’ I tell you, even though he will not get up and give you the bread because of friendship, yet because of your shameless audacity he will surely get up and give you as much as you need.  So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.  Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!”'

And yet, sometimes we have to walk through horrendous situations.  The people of the holocaust were thrust into something they had little to no control over, they were tortured, beaten, starved, mocked and killed for just daring to live as people that Christ created them to be.  Many of them lost hope, feeling abandoned....but still there were some, like Corrie Ten Boom who saw her situation in the prison camps, as a time that she could tell others about God & his mercy. She understood what is written about in 2 Corinthians 2:14 where it says "But thanks be to God, who always leads us as captives in Christ's triumphal procession and uses us to spread the aroma of the knowledge of him everywhere."  She, being lead as a captive into a place shrouded by death, held to her faith and overcame the smell of flesh with the fragrance of everlasting life.  ..... A faith like that deserves pause. ..... A faith like that, is one to make you wonder about the God who calls a witness like her out...He is a mighty God, a faithful God, an everlasting God.

Finally, as we seek him, praise him, confess our fears and hopes to him, we will see...maybe not today, but one day we will see...what His glorious plans for our lives will be.  It is then and on our journey to that end, that we can joyfully sing with David through Psalms 30:11-12, "You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing your praises and not be silent. LORD my God, I will praise you forever." Amen.

Walking into the Dark

This weekend, I received a new book in the mail.  If you're like me, you'll know that a delivery like this is like Christmas!  I love getting packages in the mail, even when they're expected.  You might remember me writing about another book called "The Adventure" by Jerry Sittser....well, this book is also by him, but it is titled "A Grace Disguised--How the Soul Grows Through Loss".   Because I've enjoyed reading "The Adventure" three times through, I figured this new book would also be a good read. Well so far....I'm hooked.  Here are some of my thoughts from the weekend....

Something that he says early on, is that the darkness of grief is inescapable & is something we must face alone.  We know as Christians that we do not have to do this completely alone, but the journey inside is personal and one that cannot be walked by any another human.  One struggle for many (as well as myself) is that we tend to walk away from the darkness and chase the fading light of our hope.  The joy we see disappearing beyond the horizon.  To that struggle, this quote struck me--"...the quickest way for anyone to reach the sun and the light of day is not to run west, chasing after the setting sun, but to head east, plunging into the darkness until one comes to the sunrise."

Wow.  I think most of us "know" that we are supposed to face pain head on, to walk towards it despite the hurt that continues & sometimes grows worse over time....but too often I fill it with other things, or turn away, or put off until I'm "more ready" to face it, all the while staying in the dark, holding onto the last glimmer of light that has so recently seemed to vanish. Staying here though, holds the light at bay, and refuses to see that only through the darkness can you see light again.  

Sittser says, "The decision to face the darkness, even if it led to overwhelming pain, showed me that the experience of loss itself does not have to be the defining moment of our lives. Instead, the defining moment can be our response to the loss. It is not what happens to us that matters as much as what happens in us." This really spoke to me....once again I am reminded that we ALL have trials, we ALL have situations that are overwhelming...that doesn't make us unique, it doesn't separate us from everyone else because it's something we all go through.  But the choices we make in response to these difficult situations, are what define us & make us who we are....they define who we will become.  "We do not always have the freedom to choose the roles we must play in life, but we can choose how we are going to play the roles we have been given."

Isaiah 41: 9-10, 18 says, "I took you from the ends of the earth, from its farthest corners I called you. I said, 'You are my servant'; I have chosen you and have not rejected you. So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.....I will make rivers flow on barren heights, and springs within the valleys. I will turn the desert into pools of water, and the parched ground into springs." This gives me hope...knowing that when I was in darkness, hidden in the furthest corners of the earth, Christ came to find me. He brought me out of that depth & into the light. If Christ has done this once, we can hold fast that He WILL do it again.  
I'll leave off today with this last quote from Sittser, "In the valley of suffering, despair and bitterness are brewed. But there also character is made. The valley of suffering is the vale of soul-making."

Let's journey together through the darkness, alone & yet together, to run towards the light that we yet are waiting to see.  May we trust that God is with us to protect us & hold us though our hearts ache with pain & our limbs shutter with fear. He will give us wings as eagles and feet like deer, able to stand on rocky ground.

Deserving?

In a conversation this week, talking about the horrible happenings weaved throughout this persons life, the question was posed "what did I do to deserve this life?"  The thought was chilling, and unsettling. I don't know that we really deserve any of it....any of the good or any of the bad.  For what really could we do to deserve anything good in this life, and what could we do that would warrant such hard events? I know that if we really get spiritual here, there are probably very legitimate answers for these questions.....sin in the world causes us bad things in our life...or doing good for others often will allow us to reap plentiful benefits.
But in the simplicity of this question, ....I remembered a story in my past.  I once had a wonderful band teacher. He always chose great music & taught us well.  One particular choice of song, had a particularly difficult timpani piece.  This he chose to give to me. The other parts he let the other percussionists choose for themselves, but for the timpani, he chose me to play.  Just looking at the piece someone would understand this was not going to be easy.  It had multiple tone changes, varying degrees of intensity within short measures, odd rhythms, parts where I was the only player amidst the entire band, & so on.  I questioned his choice, pleading that I was not able to do this piece and that he should choose someone more capable.  He insisted, and would hear none of my protest.

So I practiced, and I practiced, and I practiced, I screwed up & I practiced some more. Finally I was OK with the piece....just OK. And when it came to the concert, I stood & played...I was not perfect, but I was alright. I did better than I thought I would, that's for sure.  Later, I asked my instructor once more....why did you choose to give me such a difficult piece? Surely someone else could have done it better. To this he replied, "I knew you would have to work at it, but I wanted to see you try..." (this next part is what really got me) "...I chose it for you not because you were the best, but because I wanted you to see what you were capable of."

In many ways, I see this situation as something similar if I now asked God why I deserved this life & the situations that fall into my way....He allows them to come not because I've done something to deserve them necessarily, but because he wants me to understand what I'm capable of overcoming when I trust Him.

Conflicts and Fear

So last night, while speaking with some close friends, someone asked me...how is it you can go through such crap & hard things, and still be so happy?  My answer? "Because I'm a really great faker." Don't think that's much of an answer? Well.....neither did I once it was out of my mouth.

Since I was in HS, honestly probably before that though, I've been the "tough girl" who doesn't let things get to her. And it's not that I really AM that tough, it's just that I don't want to face those things. Tonight, I was at a youth retreat, and after saying yes to leading part of a game......I said....I can't handle it. I don't want to do that. (I'm learning to say no when I need to and tonight I needed to say no.)  Instead, I somewhat reluctantly grabbed my Bible, hid myself away in someone's room & read. I searched for all the places that God told us about his peace, and how he would hold us together & allow us to have rest in Him. Here's some of what I found: "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." (Matthew 11:28) "Let us therefore make every effort to enter that rest....." (Hebrews 4:8-11) "Rescue me from the mire, do not let me sink;...." (Psalm 69:14)

These are all things that were going on in my heart tonight, and as we studied together later, about how God wants to open our doors if we LISTEN to Him and then wants us to OBEY Him, I wondered about what it was that He wanted me to open up with.  My answer?  Fear.  He wanted me to open up about the fear that was residing inside, holding my outside captive, never letting me truly express what was going on.  It was interesting, because it was like God was saying....I can't heal that if you're not admitting it's there.  So I admitted it was there. And then the next thing, was....how do I obey God in this area?  What am I supposed to do about it?

One of the other verses I found spoke to that...Psalm 62:5,6 and 8 says "Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will not be shaken.... Trust in Him at all times, O people; POUR OUT YOUR HEARTS TO HIM, for God is our refuge." Then you know, there are those many other verses that say do not fear....well, it felt like God was telling me...."don't fear or worry....but if you do, tell someone. Tell ME."

The other thing, was I avoid conflict (I'm growing in this though) ....and most times I think about that in relation to others. But tonight, I realized that I'm avoiding the conflict within myself, about the fear that I am (was) unwilling to face.  Fear about my mom, my family, my future, relationships, what God's "to-do-list" is for me, etc.  So the conflict wasn't with other people, but it was a conflict that I'm fighting with myself.  (which is interesting b/c a year ago, in a class, the question was posed "what is the biggest hindrance to you growing with God and I answered "myself")  Hm.

So....it's been a good night.  I cried. I think the last time I cried was in December....and before that one day in October. I do not cry.  But I want to, because it's an outward expression of the deep fear that is in me, and I need to express that not just to others, not just to God, but also to myself.  ...."The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take delight in you, HE WILL QUIET YOU WITH HIS LOVE, He will rejoice over you with singing." (Zephaniah 3:17)

And now....I'm going to be quiet.

A Story Worth Living

We all have stories....some are comedies, some are tragedies, some are romantic & some are just plain stale. Wherever your story fits on this grid...it fits...somewhere, because we all are living a story.  But what is making your story great? Are you inviting people to live out that story with you? Are you drowning in character development with a character that never does anything? Are you frustrated that your climax scenes never get the "aha" resolution like in the movies? Are you intrigued by the chapters, enough that you keep wanting to go further & further into the story?

I've been thinking a lot about story. I'm pretty sure I've already blogged on this somewhat, but it's in my mind again. Listening to music like Grace Potter, and her sweet crooning of "are we falling or flying"....a lot of this has to do with perspective...but your perspective is shaped by your story, right? somewhat?

In Ezra, he is a scribe that writes the Jews' story of coming back to the homeland & rebuilding their temple after so many years in captivity. What a story!  The captors release a certain amount of captives to go home & rebuild a temple, that has so much importance to them. It's pretty amazing to me that the captors did that....and it's also pretty amazing how the people wanted the temple rebuilt so bad, that obviously they weren't just sitting around in captivity going along day to day....they wanted that temple, and they wanted it bad!  I don't think it was really so much about the "temple" as it was about wanting a place to worship the one true God....but giving Him a place to reside was important for the Jews. They took steps to push for this goal, made pleas, petitions, spoke to apparently the right people, and when they got the chance, they took it!  The set to work right away, and praised God while fasting on their trek back to Jerusalem.  Amazing. They made their story a glorious one....not one of defeat.

It's about going after something, and not being afraid to face obstacles along the way. It's about trusting that God has quite the story to tell through you, and not just sitting around waiting for it to happen. How many stories have you read where all the main character does is think & sit on the couch?? (Okay....I've honestly read one like this, and it was the most pointless, aggravating, frustrating book I've read....I kept waiting for something to happen, and when it ended & nothing HAD happened, I wanted to die.) Alright, so....you get what I'm saying?

This is getting long, so I'll wrap up.....and maybe I'll make a Part 2 to this particular topic.....but what kind of story are you living?

My friend was inspirational, she challenged me to do things I'd never done before. I wanted something bigger than what I'd ever thought possible....when she died, that dream of mine got cloudy.  But then...what I wanted was to honor her inspirational life. Many of us did. We set a goal, and figured out all the things we needed to do to get there. We invited people into our story (which makes it hard to give up)...and last summer, hosted a 6k to allow kids the chance to go to a summer camp....kids whose parents are imprisoned & would never have been able to go otherwise. It's a small story, but it IS a story.  It's continuing, and it's exciting!

What kind of stories are you making?? Share them with me!

Grasshoppers

We are not grasshoppers.

Maybe you think you are, but you’re not. I’m not just being silly….Keep reading.

Numbers 13 tells the story of the 12 spies scouting out the land that God had given to the Hebrews. They spent 40 days exploring the land, and at the end they came back with a report. Two of the spies (Caleb & Joshua) said “We should go up & take possession of the land, for we can certainly do it.” That’s a good encouraging report! Unfortunately, there were 10 other spies that replied “We can’t attack those people; they are stronger than we are….The land we explored devours those living in it. All the people we saw there are of great size….We seemed like GRASSHOPPERS in our OWN eyes, and we looked the same to them.” The second report wasn’t so encouraging….it was rather deflating & discouraging.

Who really would want to do something like that, where your good friends & knowledgeable people came to tell you how little chance you’d have of accomplishment? I probably wouldn’t have wanted to go either…..but then again, who knows. I just heard a sermon on this passage, and it shocked me too to hear that they said how they “seemed like grasshoppers” in their OWN eyes. They had a view of themselves as little bugs…little annoying bugs that men can easily squash. Grasshoppers don’t have a lot of power…but they do seem to “whine” a lot, which is why I know we can crush them.

But what did Caleb & Joshua see that made them think so differently? They knew the power that they had with them. It was the power of the Holy Spirit, not their own power that they put trust in. I think the others must have known they had the Holy Spirit too, but didn’t trust in the POWER of it in them. The Holy Spirit’s power is in each of us who put our trust in God, and who truly believe that He is the One True God that saves us from our sinfulness. It is very easy to be discouraged when those around us, even people who love us, say… “you can’t do that,” or “I don’t know that that would be the best choice,” or “is that really where you think God is calling you?” You second guess yourself, and if you’re not completely confident in the power of the Lord, often you will give up that dream or desire.

For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline (2 Tim. 1:7). We are each given the Holy Spirit, with the same power…missionaries in foreign lands don’t have a special power, pastors don’t have a special power…we ALL have this power & can overcome the things of this world that fight against us in the spiritual realms. Luke 10:19 reminds us of the authority we’ve been given….”I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions (two terms used to describe evil spirits visible in people of that day)…and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you.” Wow. That sounds powerful. AND WE HAVE THAT IN US! Right now! Wherever you are!

So why are we so afraid to step out in faith & do the things we know God wants us to do? Why are we so afraid to say what we want to say about our commitment to Christ? Why? Have you thought about it? Use that authority to overcome the words of other people, of the beliefs you hear, and to overcome even the words you put in your own mind to discourage you. You are given power through the Holy Spirit to go into the world & change lives…to set captives free! Be FREE in Christ, not captives in the world.

So remember the grasshopper….yes, you are small like him, and yes, we probably all whine like him too. BUT we are not able to be crushed like him.

Toes touching the water

On a trip recently, I walked to the middle of a river, on a rock path. I found a perfect sitting rock, took my sandals off, rolled up my jeans and put my feet in. The water was running fast all around me, pulling at the rock that wouldn't move, urging it to flow downstream, yet it held its course. I sat there with my toes underwater, feeling the power of the water and I almost cried. It's been so long since I've done anything that has scared me, or challenged me in a way that I don't want to face. I don't know if that's either good or bad...or neither, but it intrigued me. There I sat, having said earlier how I don't really enjoy rivers as much anymore....and with the water pouring down around my feet, I enjoyed it. I felt the power and the surge, and wanted nothing more than to lay back against that rock, and stay there in the sun for the rest of the afternoon. I wasn't afraid, I wasn't sad...I was calm.

It's interesting to find those things that sometimes scare us, or give us bad memories, and try to overcome those thoughts. I wasn't really setting out that day to do something I didn't want to, but once I was there, it was something that called me from within...just go, don't let it hold you back, don't take for granted the beauty of the rushing water. It brings God joy to see us enjoy His creation, rather than locking ourselves inside, while being too afraid of what might happen.

This was originally written in June....but just published today. Hope it met you today.

Why Romania? Part 2

So what really is going on in my mind about all this? Well, recently, I've been challenged here and there, by "random" people who've taken risks & steps forward in their calling, despite the circumstances that surround them. Some of the risks are going out even when the money isn't all there, or going to an unknown land without knowing the language, or making choices on what to stay home for or what to miss. It all comes down to what they value. What values more...financial security or trusting God's provision? What values more...cultural know-how or hoping God will bring you just the right words? What values more...your social life or trusting that God might have another person He wants you to be with that day?

What matters to me, admittedly more on some days than others, is just how much God has blessed me, and how I can give away what I've been given. In my life, I have been given two parents who love me & care for me, four siblings from two completely different worlds & situations, a home that I can call my own, food to fill my fridge (and some that even rots), I've been raised in a family that is built on a strong Biblical foundation, and I've been blessed with people who've taught me the value of working hard and praying harder. And how will any of this matter unless it benefits someone else? If it ends with me, then it is truly wasted. It's like an inheritance...unless there is an heir, what is the point to all the billions upon billions that one has saved or acquired? Who will it go to once the person is gone?

I want my earthly inheritance to be spent before it's stockpiled...I hope to give it away, and to bless those who may never be encouraged to take a step of faith into a life they never dreamed of. In Psalms 68, it talks about putting the lonely in families. Well, I've been given a family, but others have not. They are the lonely, and they can be part of our family...my family...God's family. The love, care & provision that I have been blessed with all my life, can be someone else's if you or I care enough to share it with them. Sharing not only the practical things like food, shelter, & water, but God's blessings of love, acceptance, forgiveness & encouragement.

Wherever I go, whoever I become, this is the person I want to be: I want to be someone who serves others, who cares about the people who are rejected from society, who is involved with missions, who goes wherever I’m needed to so I can meet a need, who seeks God first, who is unashamedly Christian, who gives all that I am to love on people & listen to them when they need it.

This is why....and this is how it will happen...loving God & loving people.

Home...

Walking, stumbling, to a home I've never seen. This is the way I go, and the path that we are on together. The way of Christ is so unknown, unpredictable and yet unchanging. He IS. Only by looking toward Him are we able to see just who we truly are, who we are created to be. When we look at ourselves all we see is who the world has made us, or who it tells us we should be. It is only when we look to Christ, and God the Father that we can clearly see who we were made to be, who we aim to be and where that person should go. Maybe not where--God doesn't always tell us that but He sometimes says how--we know how all we have to do is look at Christ.

So while we walk with Christ in sight, we are moving forward, but if we get distracted or carried away we may stumble. We don't or won't know where we're going if we don't keep our eyes on Christ. And how will we know? We are heading to a homeland that we've never seen before--none of us. All the more reason to look and follow after Christ. He knows the way. He IS the way. Only He can lead us home and give us the peace that our souls burn for. Only then can our sails be loosed and our anchors et--we will be home.

A Love-Hate Relationship

So again, I'm still pondering the big things that happen in our lives, why they happen & when the heck it will stop! I've had a great week....truly, honestly it was a hard week, but I can also say that it has brought me some peace & clarity to my other days that weren't so great. I'm sure you're wondering now too, what is this love-hate relationship that this post is titled after...well, it's a love-hate relationship I have with death & dying. Odd eh? I know....you'll come to accept me as I am. On one hand, death really sucks. It does! For those of us who have to endure the after effects of someone close dying, it's something you don't want to face, let alone feel. Jesus felt the pain of friends dying, listen to this: "When Mary reached the place where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet and said, 'Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.' When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. 'Where have you laid him?' he asked. 'Come and see, Lord,' they replied. Jesus wept." (John 11:32-35) I know he knows our pain, our tears & the heartache one feels when someone leaves us here… Also, on the same thought, death is so uncertain. "Isaac said, 'I am now an old man and don't know the day of my death.'" (Genesis 27:2) Part of me likes to think that God knows I'm having a hard time, and wouldn't take my Grandma away right now, because it would basically kill me. But really, is that how death works? Can we control it? Can we find a "good time" for someone to die? Isaac knew this wasn't true, and even Solomon did when he writes..."In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps." (Proverbs 16:9) We cannot know what God's plan for us is...when we'll die or how. Alright, onto the Love part...so this is why I love death: That is when we will be joined together with our Heavenly Father, to eternally praise & worship together as a family of Christ. We will walk alongside the river of life & bask in the light of God's glory. We will taste the fruits that were unknown to us & rejoice in the blessings God had poured on us during this earthly life. We will experience something not known to man, something so beautiful it is beyond our comprehension! My Grandpa is there, my friend Julie is there, the siblings I've never met are there, I believe my other friends & family too shall be there. In a sick & rather twisted way, I know that my Grandma would like to be finished with this torment, the pain and agony of each day passing without holding onto my Grandpa's hand...I do not want to be selfish & pray for her to stay here for me, because I know she's in pain....and wants to go. So...it's a love-hate relationship....while I hate the effects of death here on earth, I know that for those who have put their whole faith & trust in Christ Jesus as their Savior will rejoice the second they have departed us. For that, I say bring it on. (But Christ, I'm trusting in you to be there when it comes....for I will need you.)

Boldness in the dark

Current mood: Courageous

Tonight, I watched "Kingdom of Heaven"...for those of you who have not seen it, I would recommend it, but not if you get queazy by bloody war films. The ideas...not really ideas, but more points that are put forward, are upright & seem to be true to God's character. The movie takes place during the crusades...Muslim's and Christendom, one against each other's purpose yet not against each other. It brings to the surface that men can be good despite the bad around them, that standing for a Godly purpose can bring Glory to God through all men.

Please read the quotes below to get a taste of the honest truth & beauty of the purpose behind this piece of art & mastery.

King: You see, none of us chose our end really. A king may move a man, a father may claim a son. But remember that, even when those who move you be kings or men of power, your soul is in your keeping alone. When you stand before God you cannot say "but I was told by others to do thus" or that "virtue was not convinient at the time." This will not suffice. Remember that.

Nasir: Your quality will be known among your enemies, before ever you meet them.

Hospitaller: I put no stock in religion. By the word religion I have seen the lunacy of fanatics of every denomination be called the will of god. I have seen too much religion in the eyes of too many murderers. Holiness is in right action, and courage on behalf of those who cannot defend themselves, and goodness. What god desires is here
[points to head]
Hospitaller: and here
[points to heart]
Hospitaller: and what you decide to do every day, you will be a good man - or not.

Balian of Ibelin: What man is a man who does not make the world better.

Godfrey of Ibelin: Be without fear in the face of your enemies. Be brave and upright that God may love thee. Speak the truth always, even if it leads to your death. Safeguard the helpless and do no wrong. That is your oath.

Balian of Ibelin: God will understand, my lord. And if he doesn't, then he is not God and we need not worry.

Hope....and courage.

So today I visited an old (literally old, as in age) friend in the hospital. His whole being is an encouragement to each person that he knows. It is this kind of person that I hope to be someday...but seeing him in the hospital shook me back to the memories of my own grandfather in the hospital. Some of you didn't know me at that time, but it was a difficult time for me & my family. It was a deep time of uncertainty & disbelief. The quietness of the hospital room, being surrounded by a presence of peace & grace, yet shrouded with fear and pain. In the last few hours that I spent with my grandpa, I sang him some old hymns & read some scriptures...he was unresponsive for two weeks, yet when you held his hand he would squeeze so tight that you knew he understood my intentions were to show my love for him. Today, as I visited my friend, we prayed & he squeezed my hand the way my grandpa did...it brought tears out of my eyes, silently releasing the longing I still have to see my grandpa again. As I remember what God has told us & look back on how I have seen Him work, I know that through this, God IS STILL WITH US. Last night, I watched Martian Child, and the father says to the little boy who has been hurt, abused, abandoned & left behind, "I will never, ever, ever, ever, ever, EVER, ever....leave you." As the child embraces the man who he knows truly loves him more than anything, you get a sense that this is how God reaches out & comforts us amidst our pain. In Romans 8:28 it says "Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God's Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don't know how or what to pray, it doesn't matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God." And Romans 8:38 says "So, what do you think? With God on our side like this, how can we lose? If God didn't hesitate to put everything on the line for us, embracing our condition and exposing himself to the worst by sending his own Son, is there anything else he wouldn't gladly and freely do for us? And who would dare tangle with God by messing with one of God's chosen? Who would dare even to point a finger? The One who died for us—who was raised to life for us!—is in the presence of God at this very moment sticking up for us. Do you think anyone is going to be able to drive a wedge between us and Christ's love for us? There is no way! Not trouble, not hard times, not hatred, not hunger, not homelessness, not bullying threats, not backstabbing, not even the worst sins listed in Scripture: They kill us in cold blood because they hate you. We're sitting ducks; they pick us off one by one.None of this fazes us because Jesus loves us. I'm absolutely convinced that nothing—nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low, thinkable or unthinkable—absolutely nothing can get between us and God's love because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us. Think on these things & be comforted knowing that though men & women die, leave us, move away or forget us, God will never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, EVER....leave us.