Aged Cheese

A week ago, my dad brought home some sharp cheddar cheese, one of his favorites...this particular cheese though was a bit more special than normal because it was 12 year-old aged cheddar....that's pretty old cheese I thought.  And cool too, just because I think stuff like that is cool, for no reason.

Okay, now I'm 26 years old, and that cheese is 12 years old, that means that when I was 14, someone decided to put this cheese away & wait 12 years to serve it.  For 12 years that cheese sat there, wherever that may be, waiting for just the right moment to come out & be served.  Had it only sat for a few years, it probably still would have been good, but have you ever eaten 12 year-old aged cheddar? It's amazing...it's good, it has a unique taste, etc. etc. Ha. I'm not really THAT crazy about cheese, but you gotta think about this in this other way...think about us as cheese.  Laughing yet? Just hold on....

Psalm 139:13 & 16 says "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb....Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."  This is amazing if you think about it, because God knew us, knew our every step & all about us before we even existed.  Wow. That tells me that over 26 years ago, God knew that I would be typing this blog, where I'd be & that there must be a purpose to my life...to each of our lives!

Like a fine wine or a fine cheese, as we enter into the family of God, even before we entered the family of God, we were set aside for a purpose, we have been given a story, we have reason to live.  Isn't that interesting though? To think of ourselves as in this waiting position, waiting to be taken off the shelf for God to use us?  I don't think He is completely passive though, at some point this analogy breaks down because I think we're used here & there throughout our lives, but as it says in Ecclesiastes 3:1, "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens."  I wonder if that means that we won't die until God has fulfilled in us the purpose He has created us for.  It is not until that point that we will finally see the Glory of God fulfilled & complete.

Just thoughts.  It makes me appreciate the cheese a lot more though...:) Hope you can see it differently too.  You are special, you're made with a purpose, you are loved, you are meant for something and no one can take away that meaning from you. You are God's child, designed intentionally to be who God purposed, to bring Glory to Him & reconcile you to Him in due time. Amen!!

A quiet Joy

In the past two years, there have been multiple things that have upset the flow of my life.  Some would say this just IS life....the constant upsetting, twisting, lurching, occasional lull and then surprises once again.  I agree with this, but I think you know what I mean when you feel like your "nice little life" is turned upside down!  Even though crazy things are what make up our life, somewhere we feel like.....it's the "normal" days that should comprise the most of it? I don't know if this makes sense....but stick with me.

I've been challenged to look at joy in my life, and here is what I can say....for those of you reading who don't know me well, in 2008 my dear friend gave her life trying to save another camper, and both died tragically over a large waterfall...a few months later, my grandma passed away after a 5 year fight against cancer...a few months after that, my dad had triple by-pass surgery following a motorcycle accident...and a few months after that, my mom was diagnosed with Leukemia...leading to this March, when she met Jesus at home in heaven.  That's part of my backstory...I'm not telling you this so that you pity me, or on the flip say...she has no idea what kind of pain I've been through, I just want you to know that I can to some extent say with assurance that I can empathize with pain...and we can be connected through that. These trials are not the things that make me unique, nor does it for anyone else....but it is the way we respond to these situations that really define who we are, and what we are made of. ....so back to Joy....

"Hear, O LORD, and be merciful to me; O LORD, be my help. You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing to you and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give you thanks forever." (Psalm 30:10-12)

"Restore to me the joy of your salvation and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me." (Psalm 51:12)

Joy to me, is the confidence I have in knowing that God, the eternal and all knowing, all powerful God will sustain me throughout whatever trials must be faced on this earth.  Having this trust in his unfailing mercy, brings me joy....understanding that though times can be tough, He is still faithful, He is still strong, He will sustain me and hold me up when I feel like falling.  This joy is freedom in Christ, knowing that when I cannot make it, He will continue the work that he began in me.  It is not something that I can do, or stir up, or make grow inside of me....it is something that God reminds me of at the right moment of need...He reminds me that I am not alone, and that there is hope for a future in Him and in that hope I can find joy because my present moment is not the end...it's not final and God will be with me in every situation, at every moment....forever.

This to me, is how joy is seen.  It is in the reassurance of God's unfailing love that I am able to relax in His arms and revel in joy despite the raging seas pounding against my soul.  His joy will give me strength.

"Praise be to the Lord, for He has heard my cry for mercy. The Lord is my strength and shield; my heart trusts in Him and I am helped. My heart leaps for joy and I will give thanks to Him in song. The Lord is the strength of his people, a fortress of his salvation for his Anointed one." (Psalm 28:6-8)

Walking into the Dark

This weekend, I received a new book in the mail.  If you're like me, you'll know that a delivery like this is like Christmas!  I love getting packages in the mail, even when they're expected.  You might remember me writing about another book called "The Adventure" by Jerry Sittser....well, this book is also by him, but it is titled "A Grace Disguised--How the Soul Grows Through Loss".   Because I've enjoyed reading "The Adventure" three times through, I figured this new book would also be a good read. Well so far....I'm hooked.  Here are some of my thoughts from the weekend....

Something that he says early on, is that the darkness of grief is inescapable & is something we must face alone.  We know as Christians that we do not have to do this completely alone, but the journey inside is personal and one that cannot be walked by any another human.  One struggle for many (as well as myself) is that we tend to walk away from the darkness and chase the fading light of our hope.  The joy we see disappearing beyond the horizon.  To that struggle, this quote struck me--"...the quickest way for anyone to reach the sun and the light of day is not to run west, chasing after the setting sun, but to head east, plunging into the darkness until one comes to the sunrise."

Wow.  I think most of us "know" that we are supposed to face pain head on, to walk towards it despite the hurt that continues & sometimes grows worse over time....but too often I fill it with other things, or turn away, or put off until I'm "more ready" to face it, all the while staying in the dark, holding onto the last glimmer of light that has so recently seemed to vanish. Staying here though, holds the light at bay, and refuses to see that only through the darkness can you see light again.  

Sittser says, "The decision to face the darkness, even if it led to overwhelming pain, showed me that the experience of loss itself does not have to be the defining moment of our lives. Instead, the defining moment can be our response to the loss. It is not what happens to us that matters as much as what happens in us." This really spoke to me....once again I am reminded that we ALL have trials, we ALL have situations that are overwhelming...that doesn't make us unique, it doesn't separate us from everyone else because it's something we all go through.  But the choices we make in response to these difficult situations, are what define us & make us who we are....they define who we will become.  "We do not always have the freedom to choose the roles we must play in life, but we can choose how we are going to play the roles we have been given."

Isaiah 41: 9-10, 18 says, "I took you from the ends of the earth, from its farthest corners I called you. I said, 'You are my servant'; I have chosen you and have not rejected you. So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.....I will make rivers flow on barren heights, and springs within the valleys. I will turn the desert into pools of water, and the parched ground into springs." This gives me hope...knowing that when I was in darkness, hidden in the furthest corners of the earth, Christ came to find me. He brought me out of that depth & into the light. If Christ has done this once, we can hold fast that He WILL do it again.  
I'll leave off today with this last quote from Sittser, "In the valley of suffering, despair and bitterness are brewed. But there also character is made. The valley of suffering is the vale of soul-making."

Let's journey together through the darkness, alone & yet together, to run towards the light that we yet are waiting to see.  May we trust that God is with us to protect us & hold us though our hearts ache with pain & our limbs shutter with fear. He will give us wings as eagles and feet like deer, able to stand on rocky ground.

Training Camp of Character

This past week I photographed, watched and learned about the MN Vikings from a whole new perspective.  A friend met me there mid-week, and admitted that this was never something she would have chosen to attend herself.  I was glad to have her around though.  During the practices, she sat on the bleachers & I ran around taking photos.  One day as we walked away from the field, she mentioned something that has stuck with me the last few days.  She told me about sitting in the bleachers, watching the team practice, and listening to the crowds cheer & root for them.  They would praise the players who made a great catch, comment on the muscles someone had, cheer for a nice kick, etc...all encouraging the performance, abilities & physicality of a player.  My friend noted that it's our society that praises these things, and that it's pretty common to do, but wondered what it would be like to live in a society that praised not the accomplishments necessarily but the character of the person before us.

Wow. Praise someone's character? That thought goes beyond winning or losing, but to the internal soul of what makes that person who they are, and the fruit that they are expressing.  "But encourage one another daily, as long as it is called Today, so that none of you may be hardened by sin's deceitfulness." (Hebrews 3:13)  ...encourage one another, there's no group here, it seems pretty broad, it's to be for everyone...and what are the things we should encourage each other about?  "...the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control...." (Galatians 5:22-23) These are the things that we should be praising...."Way to be gentle in that hard place", "You have such joy about this", "Your patience astounds me", etc.  I'm getting excited just in writing this, to encourage someone today.

So what would it look like if we became a society that praised someone based on their character and not on their physical strength, skill or speed?  How would that change people, and how would it effect each of us?  Wouldn't you be strengthened inside to continue doing good & making decisions that would please our Heavenly Father?  Let's be encouraged now, and freely give encouragement to those in whom we see Christ working through their character. Let's build each other up not only on our accomplishments but on who we are becoming through every situation & circumstance despite those accomplishments or failures. Let's let this life we live be a training camp of character, with the goal of heaven to drive us, so when we break camp, we can stand before the Father in bold confidence that he who began a good work in us continued through the end.

Total Restoration in Progress

This is my new life statement. Total restoration in progress. Think about this with me.  As I walked down the old & classic looking streets of downtown St. Paul, there's a place called the Coney Island Cafe. It says it opened in 1923, and now there is plastic sheets over the windows & dirt in the doorway. But a tiny little sign tells you that there is a "total restoration in progress".  When you peek into the windows, you can see the old bar stools, the juke box in the middle of the dining room, old booths made from dark wood...signs of a past that has been lived and worn down.  Signs that at one time this little shop was something...it was made to be something, but has gotten dirty, old, been shut off from the outside & has lost life inside the walls.

As I walked away from the cloudy window, I pictured my own life like that little cafe.  Parts of my life have been dusty, abandoned, been shut off from the outside & lost life.  I thought about how many of us when going through difficult things will grow tired of visiting those places inside of us, and pretty soon they're closed for business, not something we easily remember, and not something any one would want to go back to.

But Christ, in his ever visioning perspective & will, sees that old place and sees the potential that is still held within.  He comes inside of that place, and puts up a sign "total restoration in progress".  Total....not one spot untouched, taking everything into the process.  Restoration.....taking all those parts, every single spec & restoring it to the original design, the original intent & vibrant life.  In Progress......an ongoing process, active & not sedentary, forward moving towards a goal, a developing of sorts.

Isn't our life in Christ a "total restoration in progress"?  Will we ever reach a finished state until Christ says come home?  And how would we be totally restored if we do not allow him into every little nook & cranny of our being?

When you see a place that has been totally restored to it's original state, is it not a beautiful sight? Something you want to behold, take in, soak up, relish, applaud, appreciate & marvel at?  Are we not usually wanting to give recognition to the hard work that the restorer has accomplished? Do we not look at all the tiny details that the crafter took time to meticulously finish?  Why then would we not recognize the work that Christ would like to do in us, a more than fully capable master who knows the ins & outs of us better than we know ourselves.  Should we not then give him the keys to every part of us and especially the dark & dusty parts so that we can be fully restored to the life that Christ meant for us to live out?

No Parking or Stopping

<sup>This afternoon, I found myself hidden, in a small patch of grass, mesmerized by the trees, the breeze, the heat & the deep hurt of a friend....of their deep hurt, and how I hurt because I know they hurt.  As I sat, I looked towards the road, and saw this common sign "No Parking or Stopping."

I see these signs all the time, we all do & are often frustrated with the thoughts of "why not," or "it'll just be a second," or "someone else is parked there....maybe I can get away with it too."  But today, as I looked at the sign, and thought about this woman, friend, co-worker.....I thought of how God often tells us that earth itself is a "No Parking or Stopping" zone.

Stay with me....it says in Philippians 3:20 that "...our citizenship is in heaven." Does this mean we're not made for this earth?  We're made for something else, right?  Heaven? To glorify God ultimately...but that earth, where our God has placed us, is just temporary, right?  We're not supposed to just stay here.  This isn't our end point.  We can't just stop, or park here on earth....we need to keep moving...especially when times get bad.  

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.  SO we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." (2 Corinthians 4:16)
  
I do not appreciate the knowledge that the troubles we endure here, is "achieving an eternal glory"....I want the beauty now...I want to stop, enjoy the roses, whatever. Yet the truth is, that God is and will use these times to make His glory seem even more beautiful to us once we are united with Him.  What we experience here, is temporary....it's something that will pass away, that we need to not stop at. We cannot allow these things to stop us....though we may want to...we need to remember the "No Parking" sign.  This is not the end.  There is more....Philippians 3:20 goes on to say "And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, who by the power that enables Him to bring everything under His control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like His glorious body."</sup>

These bodies, the ones we are wasting away in....the old, the fat, the frail, the weak, the worn down bodies that we are in...are only traveling clothes.  There is more to hope for, though right now it is hard to see.  It is painful to look for. But don't stop....keep going.

A little shift.

I think something has changed. Temporarily? It's possible. But changed? Definitely.  A friend asked me very cautiously, if since my mother's death I looked at dying differently. To that I had an emphatic response of "yes...I'm not afraid of it at all." I realize that as a believer, there's no reason to fear death, but sometimes it's not death you fear, but the unknown that surrounds it.  The unanswerable questions that after the fact won't matter anyway.

I remember that when my friend Julie passed away, I was soon after on a trip to Mexico.  There we visited Copper Canyon in Chihuahua.  There was one cliff that we saw, that had a large rock at the very tip.  My friends discovered that the rock--rocked. You could stand on the rock & it would sway on the tip of the cliff.  I wanted a picture out there, but decided I wasn't brave enough to stand on the edge, so I stayed on the "sturdy" rock in front.  Immediately after they took my picture though, I changed my mind & decided I couldn't be that close & not stand at the edge. I quickly turned around, walked right out onto the rock & posed for a picture. Yes, I was probably about 200+ feet above the bottom of the canyon, with not much below me...not ANYTHING below me...but I realized that death didn't frighten me. Why not live life & be a little daring?

This is not nearly as near to the story I just told, but last night as I drove away from my home, I spied a beautiful antique settee on the curb. I wondered, pondered & decided to drive on. Then I had a little twinge...why not turn around & see.  I turned a right and went around the block, pulled up in front of a quaint little house, walked up to the door & knocked. After a few minutes of curious knocking, a girl my age welcomed me with a big smile. I asked about the couch & she vibrantly answered "You like it? It's yours. Think it'll fit in your car?" Huh. See how easy that I was I thought? What did that hurt to ask?

That part of me ...that is sometimes timid & nervous, is changing. I'm growing bolder, braver....little by little. It's a good change, a welcomed change. I'm finding joy in this, and can't wait to see what else awaits!

Another test...

I don't know what to do.

Tonight was another test. Just how much will I be given to hold? The rain keeps pouring over the tear streaked face, too wet to remember what it feels like without tears.  The winds feel cold across my face, but I long for them, to feel something….anything.  How much Lord, must I suffer… how many deaths must I endure?  So many lives, full of hope, of courage, of grace & strength, suddenly taken away.  I realize that they live…in a time that I do not understand, hidden beyond my sight behind your great hands.  I understand this, and I yearn to join them.  I yearn to not be separated anymore from the people who have gone before me.  I hurt so much and ache for them. 

I sit here, and what I want, I cannot have. What I don't want, I have right now.  The things that made me happy have come and gone. And the things that supposedly will make me happy again, I cannot see through the cloudy eyes of tears. There is a restless spirit within my ambiguous desires and sedentary day. What to do with myself, my life...my pain, and everything that is wrapped up within the three, forming a cord that seems to cut off life to my heart.

When oh Lord, will you come?  When will you join with us again, joining us and the ones we love? 

This last death, though a relationship not as prominent as my mother, has hit me low….it is so soon after my mother’s death,  that I feel completely empty, void of anything, yet terribly in pain.  There is too much sadness Lord, too much grief. What is your purpose, and why to us? Where will the pain end, and to what extent must it reach?  I know there are no limits of your love, and you have limited death…for you will not be overcome by it.  Yet how come I cannot always see the limits of death, or feel the limitless reach of your grasp?  You need to touch me, to hold me, to comfort me, for I cannot live without your peace. Your grace is more than sufficient to hold the terrors that haunt me each day, but meet me now Lord, do not delay.  For my heart wanes for you & aches with tremors.

The face behind the falls

Many drum beats ago, when the East was still the West, the sky still one with the sea, love abounded.  A man of sorts & a woman of sorts lived together in love, passion & peace.  They dreamt together, about the worlds they could form, the colors & the textures, the depths & the heights. The two, better described as one, knew no time. They felt no presence except that of infinite love.  

At once, which still was never, since there was no now....they, together as one came to a singular mind to fulfill their dreams of a land, a place where they could be...not the being that they currently or never or always knew, but a place that would contain them. A land that would be an icon of the beauty between them, the colors to describe their love, the texture to describe their emotion.  The man of sorts & woman of sorts dreamed together to make a living substance that would please the other in themselves.

Secretly while unhidden they together formed themselves into something that the other could enjoy.  The man of sorts changed to a winding thing, something that moved freely over the foundation they formed.  He was invisible, but his presence could be felt by the other.  The woman of sorts revealed herself as a form that rocked, swelled & crashed. The two lived abundantly, finding delight in each other, together, as a wind and wave.  

Because they had separated the oneness of the two, time was created. It lay as a reminder of times past...drum beats in the distance. When they felt enough days had gone by and they desired to join together again as one, the time joked with them and promised that tomorrow it would allow the joining to resume.  As time has told, it is a liar and cheat...never telling the truth, stealing some hours away and giving length to unwanted hours.  Tomorrow turned into yesterday, and someday turning its face to one day never coming.  

The wave of sorts pushed on the foundation, trying to raise herself into the sky, but it only made her fall into pools, raising other parts of the foundation into the heights of peaks.  She waved to the tips, but still was unable to reach the air.  The wind of sorts grabbed at the wave, trying to lift her into the heavens, but it was to no avail. He blew himself round, but it only stirred the waters & did nothing to the foundation.  

The water and the wave saw that they had dreamed to love each other differently but never saw that the love they held before had been perfect.  The waters found a secret place on the foundation, one unfound by time. There she pressed her face into the foundation & wept. She wept and wept so much that she filled the foundation with the sea.  The wind met her there, and vowed to forever wipe her tears with his breath. Together they stay, her crying for her love & he caressing her cheek with his unending love.

To this day, you can see her face, behind the waterfall....

Something beautiful

On the last day in Kauai, we took our little car and drove a long, winding and "hole-y" road to the summit.  While the length of the road was only about twenty miles, it took nearly an hour to reach the destination.  As we neared the end, mist filled our windows & clouded the glass.  We took a short detour to a lookout further inland, which was suggested as a better view than the summit.  Pulling into a small lot there were only a few other cars, mostly other hikers because we were the only people at the spot. 

We walked to the edge of the overlook, to the fence that was the only thing that held us from the depths of a mile-high canyon drop.  It didn't take until the fence to see the view before us....it captured us as soon as we stepped foot out of the car.  There was a complete covering of fog.  Past the fence was nothing but white. And as the sky was so bright, the air before us and above us melded into one perfectly spotless canvas.  We sat on a table, submitting ourselves to the fact that we would see nothing of the canyon from there.  This canyon we had seen from the air & from the sea, the canyon green with life, vivid with color, proud with height, this canyon we knew was merely feet from where we stood, was hidden fully from our view.

Sitting still on the table, for a few moments neither of us spoke, nor did any cars approach the lot or hikers exclaim.  The only sounds that could be heard were birds echoing their praises & distant calls of the ocean shore, clapping with delight against the cliff walls.  We sat there silent, feeling as though we were just out of reach of heaven....a perfect place of light, just beyond sight.

As I recalled this moment to a friend, she made a comparison to this "non-sight" to that of the lives Christ has for us....how we can be right on the edge of something beautiful, spectacular & breathtaking....and yet sometimes He hides it from us. It's not the right time for us to see what is there, what is coming next, what colors he's using, what form he's making, or where he'll bring us into. The beauty that he is forming is there...it's within reach, yet until He blows the clouds away, we cannot see. We can have faith in His will for our future, and that our future is with Him...yet faith is what it takes to grasp that there IS something beyond the fog, behind the clouds, lying still & silent in his hands.  It is waiting to be revealed, but until then, we are to sit, silently and in awe of the beauty of where we are...take in the smell of the flowers, the sounds of the birds & waves, the feel of the wind on our faces, the warmth of the sun beating down through the thickness of clouds. Rest & relax in the quiet knowing that while it is unseen, we know that something beautiful is before us.

Deserving?

In a conversation this week, talking about the horrible happenings weaved throughout this persons life, the question was posed "what did I do to deserve this life?"  The thought was chilling, and unsettling. I don't know that we really deserve any of it....any of the good or any of the bad.  For what really could we do to deserve anything good in this life, and what could we do that would warrant such hard events? I know that if we really get spiritual here, there are probably very legitimate answers for these questions.....sin in the world causes us bad things in our life...or doing good for others often will allow us to reap plentiful benefits.
But in the simplicity of this question, ....I remembered a story in my past.  I once had a wonderful band teacher. He always chose great music & taught us well.  One particular choice of song, had a particularly difficult timpani piece.  This he chose to give to me. The other parts he let the other percussionists choose for themselves, but for the timpani, he chose me to play.  Just looking at the piece someone would understand this was not going to be easy.  It had multiple tone changes, varying degrees of intensity within short measures, odd rhythms, parts where I was the only player amidst the entire band, & so on.  I questioned his choice, pleading that I was not able to do this piece and that he should choose someone more capable.  He insisted, and would hear none of my protest.

So I practiced, and I practiced, and I practiced, I screwed up & I practiced some more. Finally I was OK with the piece....just OK. And when it came to the concert, I stood & played...I was not perfect, but I was alright. I did better than I thought I would, that's for sure.  Later, I asked my instructor once more....why did you choose to give me such a difficult piece? Surely someone else could have done it better. To this he replied, "I knew you would have to work at it, but I wanted to see you try..." (this next part is what really got me) "...I chose it for you not because you were the best, but because I wanted you to see what you were capable of."

In many ways, I see this situation as something similar if I now asked God why I deserved this life & the situations that fall into my way....He allows them to come not because I've done something to deserve them necessarily, but because he wants me to understand what I'm capable of overcoming when I trust Him.

Hands that shaped the world

This weekend, God knew that I needed to hear from Him. Softly though, I needed Him. As I left my house, I was surrounded by piles of raked leaves....evidence that I did yard work last fall...and did not complete it before winter. The thought that I needed someone to tell me DO THIS was in my mind....if only someone could come along & help me to actually DO something, I might actually complete this work at last.  I arrived at church and I sat still & silent, waiting to see how God would speak.  For some reason too, I wanted to see a particular friend. I didn't know why, but the desire was there to see her.

This is how He softly came. As I turned to leave the sanctuary, I stopped to say hello to a friend.  Over her shoulder, I looked & saw tightly wound curls....my friend, who I wanted to see so badly, was at my church (not her church) and was walking towards me. How could she know that that particular Sunday she would be such a blessing to sore, aching eyes. As we spoke and laughed, another lady approached me saying "I know how hard it can be to do housework if you don't have someone there to motivate you to just do it." I was totally blown away & amazed. She told me to call her and that she would help. I loved that Sunday.

Last night, as I drove across the city, my radio loud, a song came across that meant so much to me in that place.  There is such simplistic truth here, so as much as I would try to describe it, I will allow the words to speak for themselves. Below are the lyrics, and a YouTube link so you can hear it as well.

I have unanswered prayers, I have trouble I wish wasn't there, And I have asked a thousand ways, That You would take my pain away, That You would take my pain away

I am trying to understand, How to walk this weary land, Make straight the paths that crookedly lie, Oh Lord, before these feet of mine, Oh Lord, before these feet of mine

When my world is shaking, Heaven stands, When my heart is breaking, I never leave Your hands

When You walked upon the Earth, You healed the broken, lost, and hurt, I know You hate to see me cry
One day You will set all things right, Yea, one day You will set all things right

When my world is shaking, Heaven stands, When my heart is breaking, I never leave Your hands

Your hands, Your hands that shape the world, Are holding me, they hold me still, Your hands that shape the world, Are holding me, they hold me still

When my world is shaking, Heaven stands, When my heart is breaking, I never leave You when...

When my world is shaking, Heaven stands, When my heart is breaking, I never leave...I never leave Your hands.

Moving Mountains

Once in a while, you'll get a glimpse of something spectacular....of something new & unrealized, something fresh & intriguing.  Sometimes those glimpses will come from the most unlikely places.

I watched this little girl with her father in the park.  They were lying there, looking at the city, through the trees...she laid there in the grass quickly switching her hand to cover one eye, then the next, then the first eye again. She laughed with delight at she told her father "I can make the whole city move! It looks like the buildings are dancing!" Back & forth she would look once more as the city was moved from the east to the west and back again.  Her dad looked over to her and simply replied "It all has to do with perspective."

And at that moment I thought about the passage that says "...if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." (Matthew 17:20) I thought about how faith has to do a lot with your perspective.....your perspective of God and of how much you can trust him.  It has to do with what you think God can do. Even how you think God can work through a seemingly difficult situation.  Do we really trust that God will use us no matter where we go? Do we really think He could bring good out of war? Do I really believe God will use Leukemia to touch people? It all has to do with perspective.

It's not physically moving a mountain from here to there, it's seeing the mountain the way God might see it. As an opportunity to overcome, rather than an obstacle that can defeat you. A mountain for us might be a hard work environment, or an impossible dream, or an un-lovable neighbor. We are all capable of moving mountains, simply by having a perspective other than our own....a perspective rather, that comes from Christ. We can see the un-lovable neighbor as a hurting soul that could really use a glimpse of kindness. We can see that our impossible dream is no longer impossible if we start from another angle. We can see that a hard work environment can be an opportunity to show a heavenly amount of patience & grace.

Makes sense to me that we are moving mountains every day....if only we have faith to see through God's perspective...from east to west, here to there, from mind to heart...it's possible.

A Story Worth Living

We all have stories....some are comedies, some are tragedies, some are romantic & some are just plain stale. Wherever your story fits on this grid...it fits...somewhere, because we all are living a story.  But what is making your story great? Are you inviting people to live out that story with you? Are you drowning in character development with a character that never does anything? Are you frustrated that your climax scenes never get the "aha" resolution like in the movies? Are you intrigued by the chapters, enough that you keep wanting to go further & further into the story?

I've been thinking a lot about story. I'm pretty sure I've already blogged on this somewhat, but it's in my mind again. Listening to music like Grace Potter, and her sweet crooning of "are we falling or flying"....a lot of this has to do with perspective...but your perspective is shaped by your story, right? somewhat?

In Ezra, he is a scribe that writes the Jews' story of coming back to the homeland & rebuilding their temple after so many years in captivity. What a story!  The captors release a certain amount of captives to go home & rebuild a temple, that has so much importance to them. It's pretty amazing to me that the captors did that....and it's also pretty amazing how the people wanted the temple rebuilt so bad, that obviously they weren't just sitting around in captivity going along day to day....they wanted that temple, and they wanted it bad!  I don't think it was really so much about the "temple" as it was about wanting a place to worship the one true God....but giving Him a place to reside was important for the Jews. They took steps to push for this goal, made pleas, petitions, spoke to apparently the right people, and when they got the chance, they took it!  The set to work right away, and praised God while fasting on their trek back to Jerusalem.  Amazing. They made their story a glorious one....not one of defeat.

It's about going after something, and not being afraid to face obstacles along the way. It's about trusting that God has quite the story to tell through you, and not just sitting around waiting for it to happen. How many stories have you read where all the main character does is think & sit on the couch?? (Okay....I've honestly read one like this, and it was the most pointless, aggravating, frustrating book I've read....I kept waiting for something to happen, and when it ended & nothing HAD happened, I wanted to die.) Alright, so....you get what I'm saying?

This is getting long, so I'll wrap up.....and maybe I'll make a Part 2 to this particular topic.....but what kind of story are you living?

My friend was inspirational, she challenged me to do things I'd never done before. I wanted something bigger than what I'd ever thought possible....when she died, that dream of mine got cloudy.  But then...what I wanted was to honor her inspirational life. Many of us did. We set a goal, and figured out all the things we needed to do to get there. We invited people into our story (which makes it hard to give up)...and last summer, hosted a 6k to allow kids the chance to go to a summer camp....kids whose parents are imprisoned & would never have been able to go otherwise. It's a small story, but it IS a story.  It's continuing, and it's exciting!

What kind of stories are you making?? Share them with me!

Grasshoppers

We are not grasshoppers.

Maybe you think you are, but you’re not. I’m not just being silly….Keep reading.

Numbers 13 tells the story of the 12 spies scouting out the land that God had given to the Hebrews. They spent 40 days exploring the land, and at the end they came back with a report. Two of the spies (Caleb & Joshua) said “We should go up & take possession of the land, for we can certainly do it.” That’s a good encouraging report! Unfortunately, there were 10 other spies that replied “We can’t attack those people; they are stronger than we are….The land we explored devours those living in it. All the people we saw there are of great size….We seemed like GRASSHOPPERS in our OWN eyes, and we looked the same to them.” The second report wasn’t so encouraging….it was rather deflating & discouraging.

Who really would want to do something like that, where your good friends & knowledgeable people came to tell you how little chance you’d have of accomplishment? I probably wouldn’t have wanted to go either…..but then again, who knows. I just heard a sermon on this passage, and it shocked me too to hear that they said how they “seemed like grasshoppers” in their OWN eyes. They had a view of themselves as little bugs…little annoying bugs that men can easily squash. Grasshoppers don’t have a lot of power…but they do seem to “whine” a lot, which is why I know we can crush them.

But what did Caleb & Joshua see that made them think so differently? They knew the power that they had with them. It was the power of the Holy Spirit, not their own power that they put trust in. I think the others must have known they had the Holy Spirit too, but didn’t trust in the POWER of it in them. The Holy Spirit’s power is in each of us who put our trust in God, and who truly believe that He is the One True God that saves us from our sinfulness. It is very easy to be discouraged when those around us, even people who love us, say… “you can’t do that,” or “I don’t know that that would be the best choice,” or “is that really where you think God is calling you?” You second guess yourself, and if you’re not completely confident in the power of the Lord, often you will give up that dream or desire.

For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline (2 Tim. 1:7). We are each given the Holy Spirit, with the same power…missionaries in foreign lands don’t have a special power, pastors don’t have a special power…we ALL have this power & can overcome the things of this world that fight against us in the spiritual realms. Luke 10:19 reminds us of the authority we’ve been given….”I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions (two terms used to describe evil spirits visible in people of that day)…and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you.” Wow. That sounds powerful. AND WE HAVE THAT IN US! Right now! Wherever you are!

So why are we so afraid to step out in faith & do the things we know God wants us to do? Why are we so afraid to say what we want to say about our commitment to Christ? Why? Have you thought about it? Use that authority to overcome the words of other people, of the beliefs you hear, and to overcome even the words you put in your own mind to discourage you. You are given power through the Holy Spirit to go into the world & change lives…to set captives free! Be FREE in Christ, not captives in the world.

So remember the grasshopper….yes, you are small like him, and yes, we probably all whine like him too. BUT we are not able to be crushed like him.

A life in the morning

Driving into work this morning, I watched as the beaming red sun woke the world from behind the edge of the earth. It shone so bright and crisp. The way it hit all the trees, the homes & sparkled off the lake made everything look brand new. All being kissed for the first time, all over again. Each morning, this happens. It's a new day, a new beginning. If you watch, you can see the trees speak it, in the way they reflect the light, peeking through the leaves & down their branches. The grass stands in attention waiting to be brought into the warmth.

It occurred to me how every day, we see these things as new, fresh, with a brand new perspective from the day before. Each day, we learn, we live, we experience, we grow...and each day, we awake new, fresh, changed somehow yet still the same. We are the same people, just like the trees are the same trees day to day, yet each morning we see them in the sun & they look new.

It made me wonder how I can take the things I do day to day, and see the new perspective Christ can bring. He's like the sun in the mornings, creating such beautiful light that things look new & fresh....he can renew our mind like that and bring us to a peaceful start of the day, looking at things with his grand & divine perspective.

What will tomorrow bring? The night air sags, it hangs pensive...just waiting to be cleared, to be pushed away & the freedom of morning to bring redemption to the day. Will you be there? Will you wait for the morning? Will you live your life in the morning & not in the shadows? Pray that God will bring this new day, bursting forth with radiance.....not only in the sky, but in our hearts.

Fading out...and in

Is it odd when you suddenly realize that not so suddenly you've stopped doing things that are important to you? When you see your life in a perspective not seen for a while, or through a vision that you've lost sight of? What about when you remember the things you used to wait for, long for, savor moments of and you realize that you're not waiting for those things any more.

I'm not the only one...a cupbearer of the Pharoah's says what I feel like lately "Today I am reminded of my shortcomings...." (Genesis 41:9) When you keep going, and everything's "fine" and then you get a little jolt. Ha...you thought everything was fine, but look once again. Did you forget about me? I feel like a gentile when Paul wrote "I myself am convinced, my brothers, that you yourselves are full of goodness, complete in knowledge and competent to instruct one another. I have written you quite boldly on some points, as if to remind you of them again, because of the grace God gave me to be a minister of Christ Jesus to the Gentiles with the priestly duty of proclaiming the gospel of God, so that the Gentiles might become an offering acceptable to God, sanctified by the Holy Spirit." (Romans 15:14-16)

I don't know what to compare a good reminder to....it's like one of those really great things, that you know is good for you, but you forget how much it hurts at the same time...it's like, 'Oh yeah! Thanks for reminding me....but ouch, did I really go there?'

Slowly fading in & out....up & down.....one shade to another and back again. I love what it tells us in Hebrews 10:32 "Remember those earlier days after you had received the light, when you stood your ground in a great contest in the face of suffering." This is exactly what I need to do. and as I ponder, "I remember your ancient laws, O Lord, and I find comfort in them." (Psalm 119:52)

Remind me Lord, of your great glory, your power, love & omnipotence. Remind me of your faithfulness, and how you satisfy my thirst. You are my Light...."Light is sweet, and it pleases the eyes to see the sun." (Eccl. 11:7)

Defining Moments

The thought occurred to me today to think about those defining moments in my life, when something has shifted inside of me to make my view of life or of myself change. I immediately thought about the moments that huge surprises come upon us, and we are thrown into a time or moment of shock....or maybe awe. But is it really in that same moment that we change? You might argue with me (and not get too much fight from me) that it is in that moment that some things may change, or rather we may realize at that moment that things will be essentially different, but realizing situations or life will be different doesn't necessarily equal a defining moment.

For something to define you, I believe it takes insight, circumstantial change & inner rearranging both in thought & actions. Let's take Black Thursday for example. That was a horrible day & incidents that changed many people's lives. But....let's think. Was it in those moments that people were changed? Or was it in the weeks - months to follow that they were changed? I would argue that it is in the small moments, the ones we barely notice, where we grow the most & where the rest of our lives are defined. It is in the small, quiet moments that reality meets our dreams & the two collide to make a new vision.

It is in those moments where you realize you have to choose to either dwell in the shock of your circumstance of grasp the truth that you hold inside & move forward in a new or redefined direction. Using the knowledge you've gained to cast light on your path. You have to choose to look ahead, not forgetting the past but using it. What you do after those startling days, will define who you are. It will show who the real you is and what you're capable of. For it should not be the circumstances around us that shape who we are, but the change within us that defines our life.

Perspective through Prisms

On the road tonight, I was going back over my day. I was thinking about all my conversations, the interactions I had & the feelings I got from people. One conversation stuck out to me. We were talking about how some people aren't really who they have been or who they really are...trying to find that again.

Well, I pondered this as I drove. Because I feel like I am currently not who I am normally...which got me thinking further...is the person I was, supposed to be the same as who I will be? If the person I am now, is not the same as last year, should the person I was last year be my goal? I don't think so....I hope actually that I am in some ways completely different than the person I was last year. So many things have happened, that it would be a shame if it didn't change the person I was into the person I should be. And we all know transition is odd & awkward....maybe that's why I don't feel like myself: it's because I'm turning into someone else...not necessarily a worse someone, but someone different. And because I don't know who that will be, it feels frightening. BUT....here's the positive thought that came through.

Light, when it comes through glass, makes a new, condensed light. Put a few different pieces of glass in front of a light & it will make a few different lights. Okay, stay with me...this will get cool. Imagine that you are like a light, the sun perhaps, that will shine until the end. Now imagine that trials are like glass. They're hard & you have to somehow make it through. Imagine a prism....there's lots of facets, lots of hard things to go through...twists & turns that you can't always see but they're there none the less. When your light goes through it, does it come out the same or unchanged? Absolutely not. It comes out better....brighter, colorful & magnificent. Without the obstacle of a prism in the light's way, you would never know how many colors you light held. And think of how prisms make light dance. Rainbows shine all over a room, just like the people you'll touch when you go through these "prisms". If you didn't have that to change you, you'd only shine in one spot....but because of the facets, you can shine to many many many people & show a brighter picture.

My life is changing & shining through a prism. It has to go through something before the new beauty can shine! I'm waiting.....trying to find my way, but can you imagine with me? If your life is going through a prism, what will you look like on the other side?

Just a note...

So this is not my thought, but took it off a comment of a friend's post & it really spoke to me....we all have difficult times, times where we think we wont make it through....and if we do we'll be charred or broken. If it speaks to you too, let me know!

"I looked at one of those Hawaiian "Sugar in the Raw" packets the other day at Starbucks... it says, "volcanic soil" on them... somehow through the havoc volcanic ash imposes, the soil nearby in its rarity is rich and in some ways purified (I guess that means the sugar grows sweeter there?). I like to believe that these moments we have that are 'uncomfortable and difficult' in some way make our heart's soil rich like that. No doubt, what God grows in your life will thrive because of times like the ones you mentioned."