A Christmas Hope

This past week, my Papa & I were asked to sing Christmas carols at a local assisted living home.  We accepted the invitation, and began to choose songs that we wanted to share.  He would play the mandolin, and we would both sing.  We thought how nice it would be to have my younger brother play his guitar with us, and thought he probably wouldn't want to but we asked anyway.  You see, because my mom was such a support to Tyler & his music, he hasn't really wanted to pick up his guitar since she passed away.  It was an absolutely delightful shock to me to hear that he wanted to play with us!  I was so happy!

We stood up in front of the older crowd of residents, barely having practiced singing together except for the five minutes prior, and began to sing.  My dad would tie in meanings of Christmas and thoughts from the carols we'd sing.  During one of the first songs, we sang something about the angels singing with us, or seeing us from afar.  At that moment, I imagined my mom crying in heaven, not with sadness but with delight, to see the three of us together, singing & playing music together.  I thought about how happy she would have been to hear us all together, and how pleased she would be that we didn't pass on singing.

This all led to another thought....one of hope.  I wanted to have my mom with me so quick right then, pinching back tears that screamed to be set free from the confines of my eyes.  Yet in that same instant, the hope arose that I will see her again soon, and it is because of the birth that we were singing about that I could have that hope.  It was a future hope of a fulfilled promise.  A promise God revealed many thousands of years ago, that was brought to fulfillment through the birth of Christ.

Through the Spirit, Mary a humble girl said "yes" to doing God's will, for waiting on Him to provide a miracle through her.  An unsettling situation to be sure, she waited with hope that God would be true to His word once again.  When Jesus was born a joy filled her & spilled out to each of us through the Son. We can have joy in the hope that His birth proclaims.  There is now a way for us to be joined to the Father.  What a thing to celebrate, what an act of love, bringing joyful hope to a people stirred with unrest.

His birth brought love to the world, joy to the heart, hope to the mind and peace to our soul.  Though some days we all feel unloved, discouraged, defeated & distressed, we can know that God LOVES us, and because of that love we can find JOY because God gave PEACE to our tormented souls, which reminds us of the HOPE that Christ's birth brings.  So this Christmas, let's celebrate, I mean REALLY celebrate, not only the birth of Christ, but everything that His birth represents!

A little something

I just found the following, hidden away in my documents folder....not sure when I wrote it, but I wanted to share it with you today.

Like little seeds planted in the ground, the seed must die for a new plant to grow! It's like us....when we were ignorant to the grace of God, we lived for ourselves & though we may have done "good" in the eyes of the world, ultimately there was no purpose, no end goal that we could strive for, except for pleasure in ourselves & our works. Now, through the ultimate sacrifice of God's death & divine miracle of His resurrection, we have a hope of something else. We have something to live for, someone who died for us, and now we can live a new life, dedicated to honoring Him for the gift he's given us....freedom, forgiveness, faithfulness, fullness of life, a fearless way to live.

I want my earthly inheritance to be spent before it's stockpiled...I hope to give it away, and to bless those who may never be encouraged to take a step of faith into a life they never dreamed of.  In Psalms 68, it talks about putting the lonely in families. Well, I've been given a family, but others have not. They are the lonely, and they can be part of our family...my family...God's family. The love, care & provision that I have been blessed with all my life, can be someone else's if you or I care enough to share it with them. Sharing not only the practical things like food, shelter, & water, but God's blessings of love, acceptance, forgiveness & encouragement.

Wherever I go, whoever I become, this is the person I want to be: I want to be someone who serves others, who cares about the people who are rejected from society, who is involved with missions, who goes wherever I’m needed so I can meet a need, someone who seeks God first, who is unashamedly Christian, who gives all that I am to love on people, & listening at all times.

A Ray of Hope

This morning, I was on my way to work & the sky looked dreary, almost angry...the clouds were shrouding the sky. The colors were various shades of gray & ....gray. But then as I drove, I noticed a spot, small at first and then I noticed it more and more...this opening amidst the clouds. Clear blue sky shone through. In the middle of this expansive gray mess, was this beautiful section of crystal sky! How gorgeous I thought. Right here is hope that today might actually turn out okay.

I had woken up feeling a little off, as I had a dream that brought up memories I wasn't prepared to think about. It made me think about the hope that we have in the Lord...that someday, things will be better. I can tell you that recently I've felt "good" about where I'm at spiritually, which made me a little cautious because that's not always a good sign... it was clear to me then, that I had been slipping into a state of "okay-ness," not really pushing the envelope with my faith or hope. Then I read Psalm 131:3, which says "O Israel, put your hope in the LORD both now & forevermore." It was like....hello....your faith & hope can't just be one day & not the next. It needs to be always, even when it's rough outside, or even when you're facing your past. I was also encouraged by the passage "Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the LORD." (Psalm 31:24) I was encouraged to just keep on.

But where do I look? Apparently the same question was in David's mind too when he wrote "But now, Lord, what do I look for? My hope is in you." (Psalm 39:7) I thought about the clouds, and how it looked so dead....except for that one spot. I needed to look for that spot, and when I found it, it was bright, clear & promising. I knew there was hope. It wasn't contingent on me finding it, but was there anyway. It was there waiting. Steady & secure...above all the troubles the clouds were mimicking. On my drive, I prayed something similar to Romans 15:13 where it says "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."

So as "I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope." (Psalm 130:5)

Resurected

Resurrection...Baptism....repentance. Wow...today, I was really hit by a few things. 1. How fun family can be, especially when you are learning funny new things about each other, and are okay to be embarrassed around them. 2. Pineapple stuffing is too amazing for words...but when you eat so much you can't speak, it's probably too much. 3. Jesus isn't the only one who is resurrected today....we all are, or can be with Him!

I was driving to church this morning, half scared to go in because of the lilies, but as I drove, I listened to a song about resurrection, and about life....and as I drove it reminded me of how we all as people, have to die in order to live. To be resurrected, as it were, to have a new life in Christ. The old goes away...we throw it off, are buried & drowned...and the new comes in, we're renewed & harvested. How wonderful it is, to know that we are no longer the person we used to be, but have a new beginning, a clean slate, a fresh start. Like little seeds planted in the ground, the seed must die for a new plant to grow! It's like us....when we were ignorant to the grace of God, we lived for ourselves & though we may have done "good" in the eyes of the world, ultimately there was no purpose, no end goal that we could strive for, except for pleasure in ourselves & our works. Now, through the ultimate sacrifice of God's death & divine miracle of His resurrection, we have a hope of something else. We have something to live for, some one who died for us, and now we can live a new life, dedicated to honoring Him for the gift he's given us....freedom, forgiveness, faithfulness, fullness of life, a fearless way to live.

Part of this also, got me when I saw this old couple driving past me on the road. I looked at them & smiled. How sweet are they, I thought, driving probably to a daughter or son's home for Easter. Probably going to see grand-kids & maybe great grandchildren too. I thought immediately about my own grandma, that wouldn't be with us today. I started to cry, and then in my missing her, I rejoiced. She was celebrating Christ's resurrection, with the Living God Himself!! She saw it complete circle, seeing it as we here on earth can only try to comprehend. She KNOWS the Living God, face to face, as we can, but even more so....she sees him fully, complete, ...what that must be like, to know the power of resurrection in a complete way like she is right now, living a new life, not something we know, but better & fuller & made more alive than she ever was before she died.

I miss my grandma so much....and I know that the disciples missed their friend so much too, but how great is it that we can have hope of seeing them again, in our resurrected bodies, with the resurrected Lord?

Nothing to Say---

Do you ever have so much to say that you don't say anything? Can't say anything? Would rather shut up than say what you'd like to?

Are the thoughts so vivid & alarming that you shock yourself...or you think that no one would really understand? And you wonder if God is preparing you for yet one more thing while crying because you think that your last weekends memories were just that...preparing you for what happened yesterday?

Since I really have "nothing" to say....at least not here anyway (I just need some deep conversations with God right now)...I'll give you some verses that I've been thinking on.

"Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love & good deeds. Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another --and all the more as you see the Day approaching." (Hebrews 10:23-25)

"Remember those earlier days after you had received the light, when you stood your ground in a great contest in the face of suffering. Sometimes you were publicly exposed to insult & persecution; at other times you stood side by side with those who were so treated. You sympathized with those in prison and joyfully accepted the confiscation of your property, because you knew that you yourselves had better and lasting possessions. So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded." (Hebrews 10:32-35)

This is the hope I hold onto. This is something I know to be true & evident in my life and in those around me. Let's encourage one another, though we suffer....let us remember Who Christ is...that is our hope.

TEAR5

This weekend was very trying on me. Saturday evening I took part in a Novembering service at Church of the Open Door. It was beautiful, every part…we lit candles, sang beautiful songs, remembered those who we have lost & grieved with each other as we sat & wept. Maybe not everyone wept, but I sure did. I slept deep that night & woke up crying. Not a hard cry, but just a solemn finality of life cry. Sunday morning I listened as my dad preached on suffering & hope. I did not want to hear about hope…don’t get me wrong, that’s the ONLY thing getting me through each day, but I didn’t want to hear it. I cried the ENTIRE service…from the first songs through the last prayer & beyond. I just would not hold myself back, which I know I should not do, but wow did I hurt. Now, as I write this, my eyes are refilling themselves with tears.

There are many reasons why I write to you my thoughts, emotions, feelings & frustrations. I want to be honest. I desire to share, yet am sometimes unwilling to vocalize. I yearn to heal. I need encouragement. I remind myself that “yes, there are things to hope for & people who care.” I pray that through my honesty & openness that you are able to be encouraged.

This morning, I was encouraged. An email I received referenced a verse I have never read (or at least didn’t remember). While the truth is something I hold onto with white knuckles, sometimes I forget. The verse was Malachi 3:6a, “I the LORD do not change.” Such confidence I can have here, and so can you…. It is interesting. The title “lord” means (in my terms) ruler over my life and death. And so I see that amidst the changes of both life and death, our LORD does not change. He is the same yesterday, today & forever.

My prayer for you & for me, is that together, while we seek out what our futures look like, and how our pasts influence how we grow into our future, that we would bind together as friends, brothers, sisters, encouragers, rejoicers & mourners….that we would come along side each other in prayer & support as we approach God in our weakness. In our brokenness, that we would share with each other realizing our inability as humans to recover from this alone. To see that God has given us each other to lean on while we are walking this earth together.

Here's a song that touched me this weekend. It's called "I will Rise" by Chris Tomlin.http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9yvfso4Q8xg

A Love-Hate Relationship

So again, I'm still pondering the big things that happen in our lives, why they happen & when the heck it will stop! I've had a great week....truly, honestly it was a hard week, but I can also say that it has brought me some peace & clarity to my other days that weren't so great. I'm sure you're wondering now too, what is this love-hate relationship that this post is titled after...well, it's a love-hate relationship I have with death & dying. Odd eh? I know....you'll come to accept me as I am. On one hand, death really sucks. It does! For those of us who have to endure the after effects of someone close dying, it's something you don't want to face, let alone feel. Jesus felt the pain of friends dying, listen to this: "When Mary reached the place where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet and said, 'Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.' When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. 'Where have you laid him?' he asked. 'Come and see, Lord,' they replied. Jesus wept." (John 11:32-35) I know he knows our pain, our tears & the heartache one feels when someone leaves us here… Also, on the same thought, death is so uncertain. "Isaac said, 'I am now an old man and don't know the day of my death.'" (Genesis 27:2) Part of me likes to think that God knows I'm having a hard time, and wouldn't take my Grandma away right now, because it would basically kill me. But really, is that how death works? Can we control it? Can we find a "good time" for someone to die? Isaac knew this wasn't true, and even Solomon did when he writes..."In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps." (Proverbs 16:9) We cannot know what God's plan for us is...when we'll die or how. Alright, onto the Love part...so this is why I love death: That is when we will be joined together with our Heavenly Father, to eternally praise & worship together as a family of Christ. We will walk alongside the river of life & bask in the light of God's glory. We will taste the fruits that were unknown to us & rejoice in the blessings God had poured on us during this earthly life. We will experience something not known to man, something so beautiful it is beyond our comprehension! My Grandpa is there, my friend Julie is there, the siblings I've never met are there, I believe my other friends & family too shall be there. In a sick & rather twisted way, I know that my Grandma would like to be finished with this torment, the pain and agony of each day passing without holding onto my Grandpa's hand...I do not want to be selfish & pray for her to stay here for me, because I know she's in pain....and wants to go. So...it's a love-hate relationship....while I hate the effects of death here on earth, I know that for those who have put their whole faith & trust in Christ Jesus as their Savior will rejoice the second they have departed us. For that, I say bring it on. (But Christ, I'm trusting in you to be there when it comes....for I will need you.)

Frustrations & Faith

I can't speak, so I will let the thoughts in my head come out through the only truth I can grasp at this point. "Even today my complaint is bitter; his hand is heavy in spite of my groaning. If only I knew where to find him; if only I could go to his dwelling! I would state my case before him and fill my mouth with arguments. I would find out what he would answer me, and consider what he would say."--Job 23 (excerpts)I'm doing this today....feeling like "God, what is going on here?" You know me, and you know I'm a fixer, a thinker, an analyzing maniac .....what am I supposed to be learning through this? There is hope, I know that...I don't feel it right now, but I know there is....but where? What am I supposed to think, feel, grasp, say, etc.? "Lord, you have searched me and you know me....you perceive my thoughts from afar....you hem me in--behind and before; Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast."--Psalm 139:1-10 (excerpts) This gives me hope in knowing that no matter how frustrating or far I feel that I've gone, how deep my despair, He is still with me.....if I don't have words or emotions to express the way I feel or the things I'm thinking, He knows them & it's okay. When I don't even comprehend the thoughts & feelings flooding my eyes, He sees clearer than I ever will & understands."Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good." --Romans 12:21Remembering the goodness of Christ, the grace He has given, gives me hope for tomorrow and peace for today. Despite the storms that rage against me, He alone is my rock & my salvation. With Him, what can come against me? Though I may stumble & fall, He will lift me up with his righteous right hand & guide me in the paths of righteousness. He will provide for me & comfort me. Say what you need to say