Monday, March 23, 2009


A while ago, I wrote about expectations, the ones that people have for us, the ones we have for ourselves and ones we have about other people. But what about those expectations that you fight yourself not to have, the ones that you know better than to have, but yet somewhere inside you, when the expectation isn't filled, you realize that it was still there....though you tried to deny it.

It's like no matter what you do, there's always some expectation as to what will happen....either good or bad. Justified or not, your expectations are there, and get you excited or nervous or anxious or hesitant or whatever it is that you feel about an upcoming event or situation, and it just is what it is. So what do you try and do? Not get excited, or nervous, or anxious, or hesitant. You try really hard to tell yourself it's not a big deal, just calm down, take a's just whatever. But it seems to have an opposite effect. It's like if you tell yourself it's not a big deal, it really becomes one. You tell yourself not to get anxious, but then you do. If it's something not to worry about, somehow it worries you.

Then it happens. The day comes, the moment comes, and it's here. No more expectations, because what is IS, anticipation becomes anti-climactic. You find yourself rolling with the twists of the day, and pretty soon it's over. Done. All cleared up & you're through. And what of your expectations? Nothing. Except that somehow you feel like nothing really happened, and so then it comes to the surface that you really DID have expectations...yep, those you kept telling yourself you didn't have. Well, la-di-dah, they were there, and now you feel a little let down that you had those expectations and nothing really changed. Nothing for the worse, nothing for the better...just okay. And you're okay with that, honestly okay. But just okay. Not thrilled, not angry, just okay.

The next question is, how do you get past those feelings of expectation that you had, denied, felt, accepted & now are trying analyze? I guess that's where faith comes in...trying to see that the faith in Christ that you have, will come through again, taking those expectations & doing SOMETHING with them. Putting my expectations in my neat little packing boxes, under the shelf, and waiting to see what God has in store for the next day, or month, or year. Waiting to see what will develop, what wont, where he'll take you, where you'll stay, what you'll learn, what you'll wonder about, who you are and who you'll be. Expect something, expect nothing, but whatever you expect, expect that God will be there, when the expectations that you don't expect, leave you expecting something more....

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