Exhausted

I’m tired. Seriously. Tired. Some days, no matter what the day is like, it’s like….I have unexplainable energy, pushing me onwards, into new undiscovered depths of the universe…(please read that in a sci-fi narrator voice)…and other days, though I feel the Lord in me & around me, I just am tired. That’s what I get so thankful in knowing that I don’t have to do this life alone. I don’t have to worry alone, or really at all. I can leave things in His hands & know that what will be will be. It’s draining to have so many things come at you….and to keep going. Not pretending your okay, but knowing deep down that you WILL be…it’s just a matter of choosing that, and trusting that God will work things out.

I’m a planner. If you know me well, or at all, you know this to be absolutely true. I like to know what is going to happen, how, why & when…I’m also quite spontaneous & like things that are, yet most of the time my default is: planner. When things surprise me,…my first reaction is always to…okay, well let’s keep going as is, and deal with the real problem later, when we know more definitives. It’s been my way of dealing since I was little. I quite specifically remember a time that my dad accidentally killed….squashed….my cat. I was 3. When he told me very quietly that Snickers was dead, I jumped up with a big smile on my face & said…”I have to tell my friends & show them!” I ran over to my neighbor’s house, pulled my friends away from whatever they were doing, brought them over to ground zero & pointed so proudly. I said “Look! My cat’s…..” and with a quivering lip I couldn’t finish the sentence. It hit me then that it was real, not just something that happened, but something final.

Looking over other events in my life where I’ve been hit with scary or tough news, I’ve done the same thing. I go about my business because I know, I KNOW that there’s nothing really in my power to do but to live, and keep on living. But it gets to be tiring…just going about life, not knowing, and trying not to worry. Keeping my face turning up towards God, with all my questions & requests, Trying my best not to fall into a gap of hopelessness, but keeping my faith & strength about me. When I am tired, He will sustain me. When I need rest, He will take over.

A life in the morning

Driving into work this morning, I watched as the beaming red sun woke the world from behind the edge of the earth. It shone so bright and crisp. The way it hit all the trees, the homes & sparkled off the lake made everything look brand new. All being kissed for the first time, all over again. Each morning, this happens. It's a new day, a new beginning. If you watch, you can see the trees speak it, in the way they reflect the light, peeking through the leaves & down their branches. The grass stands in attention waiting to be brought into the warmth.

It occurred to me how every day, we see these things as new, fresh, with a brand new perspective from the day before. Each day, we learn, we live, we experience, we grow...and each day, we awake new, fresh, changed somehow yet still the same. We are the same people, just like the trees are the same trees day to day, yet each morning we see them in the sun & they look new.

It made me wonder how I can take the things I do day to day, and see the new perspective Christ can bring. He's like the sun in the mornings, creating such beautiful light that things look new & fresh....he can renew our mind like that and bring us to a peaceful start of the day, looking at things with his grand & divine perspective.

What will tomorrow bring? The night air sags, it hangs pensive...just waiting to be cleared, to be pushed away & the freedom of morning to bring redemption to the day. Will you be there? Will you wait for the morning? Will you live your life in the morning & not in the shadows? Pray that God will bring this new day, bursting forth with radiance.....not only in the sky, but in our hearts.

Leaving Shortly....

Buna Dimineata! Good Morning!

Thank you for all of your support over the past few years, while learning, serving, working & growing in Romania. You have been part of this from the beginning, some of you even since my brother was first adopted from Romania back in 1992! Well once again, myself & 5 others (including my brother), will be traveling to Romania to work with Gypsies, Un-wed mothers, Elderly & Street Children.

Many things here have seemed to keep us from going back, but finally God miraculously lined everything up for us to GO. Since my brother’s adoption, the Romanian people have laid heavy on my heart, and being able to bring other people into what God is already doing there is wonderful. Even YOU are being brought into this ministry, serving with prayer, encouragement & some of you by giving.

These are things we would ask prayer for—

--Open hearts: May OUR hearts be open to seeing God already at work in Romania, and how He would work through us to share HIS love.

--Flexibility: Things in Romania have a tendency to change…pray that we’ll “go with it” and follow where God takes us.

--Teamwork: Pray that we can complement each other and use each of our individual gifts to support one another.

--Rest: We will be working in extremely draining emotional situations, pray that we are able to find physical as well as mental rest so we can operate with full steam!

--Compassion: Some of the people we’ll be serving are hardened people, we need to have compassionate hearts to persevere & have persistent love.

I have been miraculously blessed to have raised all of the financial support that I need, however some of my team members are still a few hundred short. We are leaving August 26^th and will be in Romania for 10 days. If you would like to help financially at all, please write a check to Northridge Fellowship-Romanian Mission & mail to Northridge Fellowship, P. O. Box 544 Rogers, MN 55374.

I would love to talk with any of you about this further, either over coffee or a meal. There are so many ways to get involved, so please remember each of us as you pray during our time in Romania. You will surely be doing battle for us!

Thank you for partnering and God bless!

---Alissa

Just a few thoughts...

This morning, I woke up to a partly sunny day, still waking up itself. The birds were quiet, but making preparations for the days business. My neighborhood was rather quiet also, a peaceful air was all about. It was a good morning. Not to mention, it’s my birthday, so when I stepped downstairs, I was greeted with the smells of Chocolate Raspberry Cheesecake (Thanks again Renee), and a BEAUTIFUL painted card (Thanks Lisa). It made me smile.

Now I’m 25. Does that make me grown? Probably…..probably more in 5 years, but for now 25 is enough. My parents harmonized the birthday song on the phone this morning, and I was impressed…they responded “yeah, it’s just one thing you learn to do over 25 years.” Which made me think about what are some of the things I’ve learned in these 25 years? So here are a few thoughts….

You really shouldn’t chase a foal from behind….especially when your mouth is within kicking distance.

Ice Cream tastes really good when it’s stirred.

The best way to warm up your feet after playing in the snow, is to hop on the couch, cover up with two blankets & stick your feet under five pillows…..while drinking hot chocolate.

A person should always bring an extra shirt along when wearing a white shirt…you just never know what could happen.

You can never leave the air conditioning on too high when you have a pet nute…and then when he’s frozen, you should never use a desk lamp to “reheat” him…it ends in death.

Carnations will eventually remind you of gas stations.

Black socks make small feet look retarded…..and that is why I despise them.

There are just some things that you want to do by yourself…and no matter how awkward it is to tell people you don’t want them around, it’s worth it.

Walking around a lake at 2am on a clear starry night is the best way to enjoy it!

You might not want to dress up your little brothers in dresses & makeup….they may live to resent you.

Blogging is a really fun & easy way to process & get thoughts out of your mind.

Being surprised by perennial lilies in your garden is a great thing.

Doing a random act of kindness is arguably more beneficial to you than for the person receiving.

Using a Kleenex while crying really does make you look old….however, it’s much more effective than your hand.

Movies should be enjoyed outdoors.

EVERYTING should be enjoyed outdoors.

Parents are brilliant…..but can’t be told that too quickly or they’ll get the big head.

Always listen before you speak, and remember you don’t always have to speak.

You have to be a friend to make a friend.

Try really really hard for things, and if you give up, remember why….and learn from it.

If you feel a strong pull on your insides to say something to someone and it seems absurd, it might be the Holy Spirit……say a 5 second prayer, say something, and see what happens.

If you have a tendency of rocking out in your car, pay attention to the people watching you…..it might be embarrassing.

When you try to jump off of a boat, make sure you don’t land on the edge…or worse.

Notice the people in your neighborhood, and appreciate the varied cultures, languages & styles.

Learning a little bit of a language can take you a long way.

Be nice to everyone.

Angels are real.

There is not many things better than laying out on a blanket, with a good book (or not) and just enjoying the sun, lake, trees, sky, clouds, people, grass, butterflies, birds, waves, boats, ducks….

Life is better when enjoyed & not critiqued constantly.

You should always keep an open mind when traveling abroad, and don’t be afraid to climb a fence.

It’s always more fun to get lost than stick solidly to a map. (If you have the time.)

….and finally, one thing I’ve learned over the last 25 years, is to really appreciate the friends & family that are so dear to me. You are all so wonderful, and I hope to learn more things from you in all of my days/months/years to come. And I know this list was a bunch of “crap” but hopefully someday you might be able to learn something from me in return! Happy Birthday to me, and thank you to all of you who helped make it a special day!

a story of hers

I had a brief thought today, a sweet one, of my grandma & I talking. She was talking, and suddenly stood up & rushed into her room. She returned promptly with a pile of loose papers. Some notebook sheets & some plain white. On it were scribbles, paragraphs, crossed out sections, arrows & lots of exclamation points and parenthesis. My grandma held it out to me, and sat down. She said "I've started my story for you...." She always knew just what I would love. So many days, we would sit together at her table, drinking Russian tea & buttering rhubarb bread, or eating chocolate chip zuchini cake, and talking.....talking about everything that would pass through our minds. (And being Dutch women, it could get pretty random.) She would tell me stories about when she was young, and growing up. Stories about the farm, and the men who would milk the cows. I'd ask her about cooking, or how to fix something. When I would get stuck with a recipe, I'd call my grandma first. I guess I figured I knew my mom would know the answer, but why not go straight to HER source?

Anyway, one day I remember talking with my grandma & asking her if she would write some of her stories down. She modestly told me that she didn't have anything interesting to say. I just laughed. Of course she had interesting things to say...she was my grandma! Needless to say, when she brought out that stack of papers of her stories & memories, I was touched...more than touched. I felt love. She was so wonderful. Always thinking of other people...and I was her favorite, so of course she's do that for me. (That's a joke in my family,....i'm not just conceited.) Those pages, her history & thoughts, the way she would explain what things were....gentle yet so matter of fact.

I'm reading a book now, called "For one more day" by Mitch Albom, and for a second, I thought....if I could have one more day with someone, it'd definitely be my grandma. I miss her incredibly. I wouldn't want to do anything extreme, just take off my shoes & sit indian style on her blue kitchen chairs. Pull up a cup of tea & listen. I could listen to her tell me stories for days. Her facial expressions were one in a million. Oh for one more day. Just one.

Fading out...and in

Is it odd when you suddenly realize that not so suddenly you've stopped doing things that are important to you? When you see your life in a perspective not seen for a while, or through a vision that you've lost sight of? What about when you remember the things you used to wait for, long for, savor moments of and you realize that you're not waiting for those things any more.

I'm not the only one...a cupbearer of the Pharoah's says what I feel like lately "Today I am reminded of my shortcomings...." (Genesis 41:9) When you keep going, and everything's "fine" and then you get a little jolt. Ha...you thought everything was fine, but look once again. Did you forget about me? I feel like a gentile when Paul wrote "I myself am convinced, my brothers, that you yourselves are full of goodness, complete in knowledge and competent to instruct one another. I have written you quite boldly on some points, as if to remind you of them again, because of the grace God gave me to be a minister of Christ Jesus to the Gentiles with the priestly duty of proclaiming the gospel of God, so that the Gentiles might become an offering acceptable to God, sanctified by the Holy Spirit." (Romans 15:14-16)

I don't know what to compare a good reminder to....it's like one of those really great things, that you know is good for you, but you forget how much it hurts at the same time...it's like, 'Oh yeah! Thanks for reminding me....but ouch, did I really go there?'

Slowly fading in & out....up & down.....one shade to another and back again. I love what it tells us in Hebrews 10:32 "Remember those earlier days after you had received the light, when you stood your ground in a great contest in the face of suffering." This is exactly what I need to do. and as I ponder, "I remember your ancient laws, O Lord, and I find comfort in them." (Psalm 119:52)

Remind me Lord, of your great glory, your power, love & omnipotence. Remind me of your faithfulness, and how you satisfy my thirst. You are my Light...."Light is sweet, and it pleases the eyes to see the sun." (Eccl. 11:7)

A Ray of Hope

This morning, I was on my way to work & the sky looked dreary, almost angry...the clouds were shrouding the sky. The colors were various shades of gray & ....gray. But then as I drove, I noticed a spot, small at first and then I noticed it more and more...this opening amidst the clouds. Clear blue sky shone through. In the middle of this expansive gray mess, was this beautiful section of crystal sky! How gorgeous I thought. Right here is hope that today might actually turn out okay.

I had woken up feeling a little off, as I had a dream that brought up memories I wasn't prepared to think about. It made me think about the hope that we have in the Lord...that someday, things will be better. I can tell you that recently I've felt "good" about where I'm at spiritually, which made me a little cautious because that's not always a good sign... it was clear to me then, that I had been slipping into a state of "okay-ness," not really pushing the envelope with my faith or hope. Then I read Psalm 131:3, which says "O Israel, put your hope in the LORD both now & forevermore." It was like....hello....your faith & hope can't just be one day & not the next. It needs to be always, even when it's rough outside, or even when you're facing your past. I was also encouraged by the passage "Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the LORD." (Psalm 31:24) I was encouraged to just keep on.

But where do I look? Apparently the same question was in David's mind too when he wrote "But now, Lord, what do I look for? My hope is in you." (Psalm 39:7) I thought about the clouds, and how it looked so dead....except for that one spot. I needed to look for that spot, and when I found it, it was bright, clear & promising. I knew there was hope. It wasn't contingent on me finding it, but was there anyway. It was there waiting. Steady & secure...above all the troubles the clouds were mimicking. On my drive, I prayed something similar to Romans 15:13 where it says "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."

So as "I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope." (Psalm 130:5)